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Hello everyone. I saw that my previous thread had a lot of replies.

I was out all weekend with friends, and have not seen husband since Friday. I just got back about an hour ago, and husband was not here.

I did however come home to find that he cleaned the entire apartment (which he usually does on the weekend, with or without my help). He also washed my clothing and boxed up something that I needed to return. Why is he doing all of these generous things for me?

I would naturally like to thank him. Should I text him now and just say thank for washing my clothing and cleaning the apartment? Or should I speak to him face-to-face when he gets home instead? I did a little bit of dusting and tidying up, as the room had gotten really dusty.

How should I approach him when he gets home? I just had a nice dinner and I'm watching some TV. I think I am just going to relax this evening. It was a long weekend.

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I'm not sure if I should text him right now to say "thank you" or I should wait until he gets home. I feel like it'll be so awkward and tense to say it face-to-face.

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Anyone have any suggestions as to how I should approach this?

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Oh my gosh, I just looking for an envelope and I opened up a card that my husband gave me for valentine's day... that was only four months ago! He wrote that I was the most amazing thing to have ever happened to him, he cherishes all of the time he gets to spend with me, and he loves that he will be with me forever. This hit me so hard, and I'm having a moment right now.

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My .02 ..... Take it down a notch and chill out. Your H tidied up and did laundry. He didnt give you a kidney.

Relax and say thanks when you see him next. Don't make a huge deal out of it. Don't text or email. A simple "thanks for doing laundry and tidying up" is sufficient.

To "text him right now" would be pursuing and nobody's going to give their blessing for that.

Sorry if that stings.


me 45
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T 5
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BD Sept 6 2011
OW Sept 8 2011
Threw him out Sept 8 2011
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That's ok. I appreciate it.

He's staying at a friend's house again.

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And "awkward and tense" to say thanks face to face????
Theres a whole lotta something going on there that needs serious attention.


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T 5
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BD Sept 6 2011
OW Sept 8 2011
Threw him out Sept 8 2011
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Yes. He doesn't want to be near me and he wants nothing to do with me.

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As hard as it is, SD, you need to let him go.

Drop any and all expectations.
Stop looking over your shoulder to where he is, what he's doing, whether he's noticing your changes.
Do not read into anything he says or does. Take it all at face value.

He has made his choice and you need to accept it. No need to tell him that you accept it. He'll figure it out by your actions. This does not mean that you be rude or cruel or any such thing, just that you focus 100% on you and your kids if you have them (can't recall...sorry).

I am not saying these things to discourage you, but so that you might have a hope of getting what you way you want eventually, which is reconciliation. Remember that in DBing the point is to come out the other end of this in the best shape possible, and that you just might save your marriage in the process.

Dig deep, find your power and focus on you. I know it's hard. I've been there. My H moved me to the country and walked out just over a year later. So far I've learned to frame and insulate a basement, drive a ride on lawn tractor, open and close a swimming pool and keep it going day to day, use a snow blower...all the things H did. Oh yeah, I've also lost my job and am now planning a career change.

All this to say, your experience can really be one of growth. You just need to get the right mindset. Let it go. Focus on you. Stop looking over your shoulder. Take things at face value.


me 45
H 46
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BD Sept 6 2011
OW Sept 8 2011
Threw him out Sept 8 2011
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Hi greatwhitenorth,
I am so sorry that this has happened to you too. Making the transition is so hard. I feel like I am slowly getting "better" at it. I was an emotional wreck for the first week and it still hits me very, very hard at times. But overall, I think it is getting a little bit easier. I'm trying to accept that I am working on moving on.

Right now, I don't know what it is I want to do. I want to take a class or learn something new, but I just don't know what I WANT to learn.

I will drop all expectations! I will get through this, one day at a time. This website has been so very helpful, although I've gotten a little obsessive about refreshing to see replies.

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