how much is too much time and distance?

[Valeska19]

Happy Birthday AC! Sending good vibes your way!

[any chance?]

Update:
Not online much these days, as I am in that holding pattern during which there is not much to say. Communication is very spotty with xW, but everytime there is a connection, I get the she is not happy and is unclear where to go or what to do about it. She too seems to be a holding pattern with her 'new'OM, living with him in another state while waiting to start a job in yet another state.

I have been told by mutual friends to leave her be, let her carve her own path, that I cannot help her, and that she has to make her own mistakes and figure out her future. Makes sense, but it is a difficult thing to do, to be sure.

My doctor said simply, a couple of years ago when this whole nightmare began, "if you love her, keep loving her'. That is where I stand. Does she even know I am alive, or even care? Hard to tell. But I can tell her future is not written.

Trying to keep the door open a crack, but attempting to not look through the crack.

It has clearing sunk in that this is not a sprint, but a marathon....just have to keep on keeping on, I guess.

117 miles on the bike this week, with 26 more today. Going to keep on keeping on.....

[gunny]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AC,
from my perspective, you still have not detached. The fact that you are still spending a good deal of your time thinking about what she is thinking is evidence of this. Perhaps it is time to branch out and start dating, gotta tell you AC, it has made a world of difference for me, I am upfront with everyone who I date, they know my sitch, and it has helped me focus my attention away from my sitch, to a degree. Just a though, but again, hope you enjoy your special day!

[any chance?]

Not sure how to deal with this...

Update:
-STBXW suffers from major depression, needs to leave me and the state to get out of depression
-STBXW moves to another state 8/2011
-legal separation 1/2012
-moves in with OM in yet another state 2/2012
-returns to state #1 9/2012; relationship with OM seems to have cooled
-starts new 4-month job 9/2012

We have seen each other a couple of times (May and July). Lots of fun, no drama

Now xW is in her new job, and in her rental home in another state. I have done my best to not contact her, and to let her drive any contact. She is slowly contacting me more and more often. Talks of being lonely, feeling like she does not have anyone, feeling homeless. Seems to like talking to me, and tells me she is glad I am there for support. I want to be there for her, but do not want to push her or seem to be pursuing her. I know she is depressed and feeling bad, but I know she needs to deal with this on her own.

What do I do here? Contact her occassionally, or leave things up to her? This has been going on so long, it is hard to fathom. Thoughts would be most appreciated.

[AnotherStander]

Now xW is in her new job, and in her rental home in another state. I have done my best to not contact her, and to let her drive any contact. She is slowly contacting me more and more often. Talks of being lonely, feeling like she does not have anyone, feeling homeless. Seems to like talking to me, and tells me she is glad I am there for support. I want to be there for her, but do not want to push her or seem to be pursuing her. I know she is depressed and feeling bad, but I know she needs to deal with this on her own.

What do I do here? Contact her occassionally, or leave things up to her? This has been going on so long, it is hard to fathom. Thoughts would be most appreciated.

Honestly it sounds like progress to me. I would still let her drive the progress, but since you've been dark for so long I frankly don't see a problem with you reaching out to her now and then as long as she's still contacting you as well. But if she pulls back then stop and let her set the pace again. This reminds me a lot of a good friend of mine, he and his W separated about 2 years ago and she moved in with another guy, they are just now starting to piece. They've been going out and even ML. So yes, it's been a long time but it just goes to show it's never too late. Good luck and keep us posted!

[any chance?]

Update

my SBTXW (legally separated Jan 2012) has been getting in touch more often. She feels very alone, that much is obvious. She is looking to the future and trying to figure out what to do. She seems to want to connect with me more and more, and tells me she likes talking to me. I am trying to remain steady, not intiating contact most times, letting her drive things. Just being here for her. Time marches on, to be sure.This has been going on for a long time. I have attempted to be as understanding and caring as I can be without letting the sitch keep me in limbo. I am keeping the door open a crack, but I am not pursuing or pushing her in anyway.

Not sure if I am doing the right thing, or am being an idiot.

Thanks for listening.

[longrun]

I am keeping the door open a crack, but I am not pursuing or pushing her in anyway.

Not sure if I am doing the right thing, or am being an idiot.

You are doing the right thing.

[any chance?]

Reread my last few posts. Truly sound like a broken record. Guess I either accept being stuck with her, or cut the cord and move on.

Tough choice.

[AnotherStander]

my SBTXW (legally separated Jan 2012) has been getting in touch more often. She feels very alone, that much is obvious. She is looking to the future and trying to figure out what to do. She seems to want to connect with me more and more, and tells me she likes talking to me. I am trying to remain steady, not intiating contact most times, letting her drive things. Just being here for her.

I say quit the going dim/ dark stuff and try to get the ball rolling again if you're still interested in her. If you don't want to be in limbo then don't continue what you're doing! Call her, invite her on a date. If she's not interested then maybe it would be best for you to break all contact with her instead of being stuck in the friend zone.

[any chance?]

Cannot remember how to list old threads and start a new one.....

Update:
Time marches on. STBXW has returned to town, decided to return to her job, and is staying with me. All indications are that she hit bottom w.r.t. her depression in December, and is starting to find her way back. I am very happy that she seems to be on the way back, happy for her that she returned to her job (a very good job), happy that she is reconnecting with colleagues and friends.

Very much in limbo at this point. I am not sure if I am in her future or not. An independant observer would say that the two of us are married - been living together for a few weeks, do everything together, laugh, have fun, enjoy our time together. Sleeping in separate bedrooms. Intimacy is limited to hugs and pecks goodnight.

Her anxiety and depression weave in and out. She is very happy to be staying at the house, very happy to have her job back. Unclear how I fit into the picture. I have taken the high road throughout this entire fiasco, and have done my best to support her in any way I can. I want her to be happy and healthy.

Am told I am an enabler by some. I have told her to take her time getting things figured out. She talks occassionally about getting her own place, but then comments she is so comfortable in my (our) home.

I am trying to have patience and to give her time. Just wish I new if she was here for me and our relationship, or if I am just the easy path for her at this time. I do not want to put her under pressure, so there has been no R talk. But there has to be at some point.

Still confused.