Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
So the news is that the judge ruled in favor of our son living with me here in CA, at least for a year (until our son reaches school age).
It's obviously a bittersweet moment for me. My wife has a decision to make now: to move to SC or not to. She was very bitter after hearing the ruling and afterwards during mediation, towards me or my one of my church friends (who was there as my support and who was trying to console my wife as well). In mediation, she went as far as to deny she ever said anything on Wednesday night about trying to live together again to work things out (for the sake of our son, at least) or any such topic. When the mediator commented that: "Oh, is there talk about reconciliation?" She immediately (and I sensed spitefully) replied that she doesn't want to be married to me. She then looked at me and said, "Sorry I gave you that impression."
Is this where "believe half of what they say and none of what they do" (or is that backwards) applies too? Some people told me today that there's the sign, Alamo, she really doesn't love you anymore. But like I said, she was being very bitter. After all, she just had her "power" taken away from her, been informed that she'll only see our son for 3x30 days for the next year (if she moves to SC) and that she'll have to fork up for my legal fees pertaining to the false allegations (which would probably be about half of the total cost).
I still have a LOT to process myself, about the outcome, the hearing, about our son, the present, the future. Even though my expectations weren't high, I am also a little disappointed and heart-broken that my wife, at the time of this writing, didn't choose to sacrifice something extra or let her wall come down when push came to shove.
I still love her, but now I starting to feel like I've tied myself to the wrong pier. Or maybe, this is another of God's tests. He might be telling me: "One battle at a time, Alamo. You can't win everything at once." Perhaps I still need to be patient and give my wife time to heal.
I'm glad the Judge ruled in your favor, Alamo. She really is being tested, almost like Solomon wouldve done. If she chooses to move and leave her son for her career than she really does not love him enough and does not deserve custody. Prayers for you all.
You've got to stop thinking about your W and what she is or isn't thinking. As far as I'm concerned, your W has shown her true colors time and time again. Let it go.
You won a major victory. Cherish the time with your son and you can pity your W.
Oh I would also be on guard twice as much now. Because now you have a woman who has nothing to lose. You never know what she'll do next. When she continues to spew her hateful comments, I would seriously start looking her in the eye and tell her that you will not be spoken to in that way again. And that she lost and you won - deal with it!
Time to start putting your foot down and leading.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
unbidden - I was blessed to have the judge we had. After the first day of hearing, I told my lawyer that I wanted to shake the judge's hand so bad. He's sharp, alert and entertaining to watch/listen.
And to provide an answer to your statement: I found out an hour ago from my wife that she has chosen to move first thing tomorrow morning to SC. I'm sad that she chose this route, but well, read two paragraphs down...
Bond - Believe me, man...I'm trying to stop worrying about what my wife does. I appreciate the 2x4 an advice. I remember Karma going through something similar when his wife started acting erratically and moved out of state with their child, right? He pulled back, did his DB/DRing, set his boundaries up and eventually his wife slowly respected who he was again.
I guess I was expecting that after 2.5 years of separation would mend some wounds, but my wife's healing may be only just beginning. Perhaps the distance from our son and the space will be what she subconsciously need.
She'll be dropping our son off early tomorrow morning. It only honest for me to say that I will miss her a lot. I'm debating if I should chance it and give her a hug. After all, like our son, we'll also be transitioning from seeing each other everyday to not be seeing each other for 2.5-3 months at a time.
Anyway, I've been blessed to have so many of you prayer warriors, uh, prayer warrioring on our behalf. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please keep praying for my wife in her journey and well-being, for our son in his growth and happiness, and for me to provide a loving, balanced and God-filled life for him.
Believe none of what they say and half of what they do.
I agree with Bond about not focusing on your W.
There is no way to know if she meant what she said Wednesday or whether what she said in mediation was true.
It could very well be a common belief that she may have meant both... and only at that moment she said it... Both could have come from a place of fear in her.
Now that you have your S for the year, do focus on you and him. Only with your W when urgent or legally necessary.
I guess I was expecting that after 2.5 years of separation would mend some wounds, but my wife's healing may be only just beginning. Perhaps the distance from our son and the space will be what she subconsciously need.
Originally Posted By: alamo76
I'm debating if I should chance it and give her a hug. After all, like our son, we'll also be transitioning from seeing each other everyday to not be seeing each other for 2.5-3 months at a time.
You'll know whether to give a hug or not. Just don't force anything.
It may not feel like it, but seeing her less will be good for both of you right now.
I'm curious, but what is the D status? Was mediation about that or just your son?
Hang in there man, we're pulling for you.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
If she chooses to move and leave her son for her career than she really does not love him enough and does not deserve custody. Prayers for you all.
No offense but that is a ridiculous thing to suggest. You have no idea of her motivations or how she feels for her child. Many LBS treat their families with downright contempt prior to the bomb...does that mean they don't love their children or deserve custody. You really have no idea what she's going through.
I mean Alamo admitted to having a porn problem - does that mean he doesn't deserve custody?
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
