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A Message from Michele
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Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: LITB] #2249922
05/30/12 09:23 PM
05/30/12 09:23 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
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Starsky309 Offline
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Originally Posted By: LITB
Before I get too far into the details, it wasn’t until my complete focus was taken off of my W that things began to shift. I began to live for me and our kids. I was out of my W’s way to live her life and to live with the consequences of her decisions.

I began doing everything separate from my W. There had to be boundaries. She wanted to do birthday parties together and I let her know that I would be doing something separate of her. It was our new life.



I can see already why this whole thing worked. whistle whistle whistle


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: Starsky309] #2249947
05/30/12 10:09 PM
05/30/12 10:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,525
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LITB Offline OP
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LITB  Offline OP
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Yes Starsky. I knew you would appreciate the boundaries. They helped with my sanity.

Continuing…..
We went to church one more time as a family back in February and after church she asked if we wanted to go to lunch. My reply, “Are you paying?” I ended up paying, but the warning shot was heard loud and clear. That was the last time we did anything together as a family until this past weekend.

Forgive me as I am all over the place.

Fast Forward…..
After the email exchanges regarding my new GF, I updated my FB relationship status on March 1st. On March 5th, my W sent me a message asking if I was able to talk.

So much for wishing me well. She was upset. She told me I was disrespectful and we are still married….”do as I say, not as I do”. One of my responses, “welcome to your decision”. She asked me why the D wasn’t finalized yet. Just a crazy rant. I let her know that I am pushing my attorney to get it moving forward to be done.

I’ll admit, she had me fired up. She still had some control over my emotions.

Fast Forward to March 18/19
I dropped our kids off with her on March 18th, W knew that I was going to be spending the evening with my new GF. She gave me the cold shoulder. Unfortunately, our D9 was very upset when I dropped them off. For the record, they did not and do not know that I had a GF.

On the morning of the 19th while I was getting ready to board my plane back to the Bay Area, I sent my W a text to check on D9. This opened the door for my W to call. I don’t exactly remember what was said before I left, but I am clear on exactly what was clear when I we spoke once I landed. She admitted to being selfish, making a mistake and life was not what she anticipated. She said that she was going to work on herself, but could not promise anything. She told me that it wasn’t fair to me to wait for her. That lasted for about a week and then she was back to her old ways. I called her on her BS and she defriended me on FB. That was fine. I figured we were done anyway.

I’ll post more tomorrow.


James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance...
Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: LITB] #2249956
05/30/12 11:08 PM
05/30/12 11:08 PM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,711
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2thepoint Offline
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Bravo!! Bravo!! Really happy for you, LITB!


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: 2thepoint] #2250087
05/31/12 01:50 PM
05/31/12 01:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
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totallydevoted Offline
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Thank you LITB and Starsky for that wonderful prayer. I have copied it, personalized it and am now posting it in my home to read everyday. I love the focus of it...not only for myself but for God to help my W as well...very important. Because if we do have a future together we will both need serious guidance, growth, forgiveness, commitment...and MUCH faith.

Thank you!


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: LITB] #2250094
05/31/12 01:59 PM
05/31/12 01:59 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
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Starsky309 Offline
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Starsky309  Offline
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LITB,

So far, your story sounds so much like mine that it's scary. Can't wait to see the next installment!!


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: Starsky309] #2250105
05/31/12 02:58 PM
05/31/12 02:58 PM
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 335
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kolja Offline
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I got defriended too. Of course that was back in December. But maybe it's good luck in the long run?? wink


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: kolja] #2250113
05/31/12 04:00 PM
05/31/12 04:00 PM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,352
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needgrace Offline
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Love this story. Thank you LITB for sharing.


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: needgrace] #2250125
05/31/12 04:12 PM
05/31/12 04:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
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vera be fierce Offline
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This is riveting! Eagerly awaiting the new post...

Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: vera be fierce] #2250148
05/31/12 05:09 PM
05/31/12 05:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,525
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LITB Offline OP
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LITB  Offline OP
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I'm piecing everything together little by little.

I spoke with my W at length this morning. We had a very pleasant conversation. She doesn’t know this, but she helped jog my memory of our conversation before I boarded my plane on March 19th.

When she called that morning, we talked about our D9. The night of March 18th after I had dropped our children off with my W, our D9 told my W a few things.

-She told my W that she hated our new life.
-She wanted to run away
-She told my W that she could fix it.

This was obviously very heartbreaking.

My W told me this morning that during that call, she remembered me telling her, “I still love you” and telling her that I was going to break up with my new GF. That is true.

My new GF was in it for the long haul and was not going to give up easily. I got myself in a difficult predicament. I did not break up with my GF at that time and my W’s interpretation of our convo was that I gave her empty words.

My W also said that she couldn’t just come back for the kids. She had to come back for her.

I will dig up the email for the next entry. It was in regards to the D and the status update meeting that we were approaching at the time.


James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance...
Re: My M has been DB’d [Re: BklynMom] #2250150
05/31/12 05:26 PM
05/31/12 05:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,525
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LITB Offline OP
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LITB  Offline OP
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Posts: 1,525
Originally Posted By: BklynMom
Amazing! Amazing news! Thank you for sharing and keep us posted. You stayed positive and focused early on and it paid off. You did a great job and are an amazing dad.


Thank you BklynMom. I appreciate your kind words. I take great pride in being a good father. This has always been the case, however my W did have me question my own abilities at the beginning of my sitch. She had me believing that I sukked as a father.

As a matter of fact, her and her lawyer called me an absent and non-participating husband and father in her declaration. I'd have to say, that probably hurt the most.

I'm jumping way ahead here in the order of my entries, but I wanted to springboard off of your post. This past Saturday was our D's 9th birthday. I'll elaborate more about this day later, because this day is part of the reason everything changed.

While we were at dinner, I left the table to ask our waiter if he could bring a cake to our table and sing happy birthday to our D.

After the staff brought the cake over and sang happy birthday to our D...she said, "How did they know it was my birthday?"

My W's response, "It was your amazing dad."

Quite the contrast from the beginning of our mess. I didn't know what was about to transpire, but I took that as a positive sign.


James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance...
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