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A Message from Michele
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Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: scaredsilly] #2251653
06/06/12 10:33 AM
06/06/12 10:33 AM
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FuzzyBear Offline
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I see you have caught onto the 5 positives I suggested (or maybe you already had that idea smile

You always mention that as a WAS, your turn around point was when H became happy despite of you. He had effectively GAL'ed. Do you think the same for your sitch?

It's a hard thing. I'm still trying to take baby steps to find positives in my own life that are despite/independent of WAS. Doing those little things to love yourself help add to the list of positives. In your case, decorating your home, appreciating QT with S, etc. I think that you are on the right track and you continue to inspire me to LRT.


H 34 W 27
M 9mth T 8
Separated 1/'12 ILYBNILWY
OM 2/'12
Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: FuzzyBear] #2251661
06/06/12 11:40 AM
06/06/12 11:40 AM
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vera be fierce Offline
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Hmm. It is a positive, a small one, I think.

But, to answer his question, are you busy? Or are you around whenever he wants to stop by?

Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: vera be fierce] #2251667
06/06/12 12:11 PM
06/06/12 12:11 PM
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Brit45 Offline OP
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Brit45  Offline OP
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I'm not busy. I do tend to be around.

I ended up texting him back and said that's fine. what time? He said about 6:30 which is I guess is good because it means he isn't just stopping off between work and going to her place.

But then I had a big think about it and realized that this doesn't have anything to do with him. My boundries...are trying to manipulate. And that I should see this an opportunity, to let go of my resentment and anger (because it's only based in the fact that he's not doing what I want...which is no reason to be angry) So I stopped thinking about what he will think if I agree, or if I'm not busy or whatever and instead made myself the main character and thought what will this do for me:

*I can use this as an opptunity to practice grace, forgivess, and love

I read something on Oprah's website (don't laugh) the author wrote Prince Harming I think. Anyway she said that she let go of all the anger and hate she had for her ex-bf and was thankful for the lessons she learned. She even changed him name in her phone to TEACHER.

That really made me think about my dealings with H. Instead of getting upset at his actions, reacting to him out of what I think he deserves based on his current actions, I just thought in this moment what can I learn, how can I grow. So I'm not even thinking about seeing him tonight in terms of how he'll think of me and what I can project I'm just thinking how can I grow? how is this an opportunity for me!

Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: Brit45] #2251670
06/06/12 12:36 PM
06/06/12 12:36 PM
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totallydevoted Offline
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Hey Brit...just wanted to check in to let you know I still think of you daily and read your posts...the leaps you have made are truly inspiring. Your "journaling" is very helpful for us LBS' who want to know just what the heck is going on in those WAS' minds! LOL I'm not on here as much as I want to be...trying to GAL is a bear sometimes...

((((Brit))))

Keep up the good work!


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: totallydevoted] #2251675
06/06/12 01:16 PM
06/06/12 01:16 PM
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Posts: 1,108
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Brit45 Offline OP
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thank you so much TD! I feel like I haven't posted much on threads since going back to work. I'm going to do that this weekend. I am so happy you are GAL. And you're such a great dad I bet that's taking up a lot of time too!

I don't know I think I turned into an LBS for awhile.

I feel really good today. Work is busy which always makes me feel confident. I was invited to join a sort of networking group of local woman who do cool things haha. Normally I wouldn't do something like that but I'm really excited to make new friends, make contacts, etc.

my horoscope said that improtant relationship had felt strained lately but it would be getting a new lease of life. I like that. I'm looking forward to leaving behind all the hurt and anger and resentment. It will happen someday

Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: Brit45] #2251678
06/06/12 01:21 PM
06/06/12 01:21 PM
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totallydevoted Offline
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Work is so important...keeps me, at least, sane and busy. Busy is good! Thank you for the kind words...I try my best to be a good father, I just don't see my babies enough. And of course, my D16 is still mad at me...giving her as much space as she needs as well. At least my other two (D14 and D11) still get excited about being with me.

Love the horoscope...sometimes those things can be so right on! wink


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: Brit45] #2251684
06/06/12 01:43 PM
06/06/12 01:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,855
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zig Offline
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my horoscope said that improtant relationship had felt strained lately but it would be getting a new lease of life. I like that. I'm looking forward to leaving behind all the hurt and anger and resentment. It will happen someday

are you a sag? coz that's what mine says too - and i'm really looking forward to it also

"strained" is like a cosmic understatement, huh?


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: zig] #2251685
06/06/12 01:46 PM
06/06/12 01:46 PM
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Posts: 1,108
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Brit45 Offline OP
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YEP!!!! That must be why our sitch's are so similar haha!

Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: Brit45] #2251688
06/06/12 01:54 PM
06/06/12 01:54 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,855
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zig Offline
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So I stopped thinking about what he will think if I agree, or if I'm not busy or whatever and instead made myself the main character and thought what will this do for me:


that's where i've made a similar shift too. i'm tired of over analyzing every move i make and how it's coming across to him.

yes, i tend to be around also. sometimes i say no it's not a good time, sometimes i'm okay with just going with the flow.

did you have trouble going with the flow and being flexible during the marriage? i couldn't do it at all - the anxiety would make me a mess so my 180 is, in a way to show him that i can deal calmly and pleasantly with last minute stuff. which i really can , i've found now.

Instead of getting upset at his actions, reacting to him out of what I think he deserves based on his current actions, I just thought in this moment what can I learn, how can I grow.

ooh that's the big one right? - finally realized myself that deep down i was doing that. that's really starting to detach when we can get away from the above. and the reacting may not be in actions or words but it's inside our minds where it keeps us stuck and barely able to think straight.

what doesn't help either is that those actions are difficult, and it is reinforced by the people around us - family and friends who disapprove also. so we can stay in the cycle longer because what we're feeling is being confirmed by others also, which seems to validate it more for us


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

Re: Falling in Love Again.....with ME! [Re: zig] #2251693
06/06/12 02:03 PM
06/06/12 02:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
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totallydevoted Offline
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This is mine:

You may not be totally sure of yourself this morning, but by the end of the day, you should feel much more confident. Even if things dont look good, believe in yourself and you can win!

Yay! I can win! laugh


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
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