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kolja Offline OP
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Notifying her that she wasn't a dependent anymore (ie, no benefits) wasn't ACTUALLY as bad as I thought it was. I texted just to let her know after I got home the day I did it, and the next day she simply replied "K"

While I feel like it might be a long time before I hear from her again, at least it wasn't a big blow up.

Today I went into personnel to change my dependent data and emergency information (who gets notified and who gets the money if anything happens to me), which wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world but could have been worse. The one downside is that, since the decree was actually dated 25 May, I was getting too much housing allowance for June and July (the military gives you more housing money if you have dependents). So, in addition to getting $400 less income a month starting in a couple paydays, I now also owe the government $780. They won't take it out of my pay for a couple months and they'll spread it out over a couple paydays so it's actually not that big of a deal.

On the way out of the building, I happened to witness a car back into a parked motorcycle in the parking lot and tip it over. I stayed to give a witness statement. Only cosmetic damage to the bike, but a rough day for both involved. It served to keep things in perspective - if it were MY bike that had been knocked over (or if I'd been the one knocking someone else's motorcycle over), I'd have felt worse about that than I did about changing my records and finding out I owe money. Someone's always got it worse...


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
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Kolja, good job getting out of your own head and showing compassion for others.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
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kolja Offline OP
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It's been a busy stretch, but thought I'd offer another quick update.

Ran a 10K on the 28th, got in just under an hour so I was pretty happy about that. I'd have been even faster if not for a bit of a gimp in my right foot - seems I had a strain or something like that. I took the following week off which seemed to help it feel better - I ran again Saturday for 5 miles, and it still felt 'different' than my other foot, but not painful - and no limping!

The very next day I was on the road again, attending a conference in SW Illinois (about 30 mi east of St Louis). Came home Friday, and Saturday I was at a wedding. The groom was a friend of mine I've served with on two separate tours. It was a really small wedding so I was pretty flattered to have been invited. It was also informal and non-traditional enough to not be too uncomfortable for anyone in my circumstances.

Yesterday just did some shopping and work on the motorcycle - the front tire had worn its tread down to the point of needing to be replaced, and it was due for an oil change. It was so nice up here that I would have rather been riding, but swinging wrenches isn't a bad substitute (and someday I'll figure out how to change the primary chaincase oil without making a big mess on the garage floor).

Home for two weeks now, which will be nice. Then off to Hawaii again for a week (and hoping that the lodging on base will be full again so I can 'live' on Waikiki like last time...)


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 335
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kolja Offline OP
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Of note, today would have been our second anniversary. I remarked on it to a couple friends 'in the real world' but that's about it. It's not actually all that bad of a day.

Today's going to be my first interval run, in an attempt to get a little faster for the next half marathon.


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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It's still an out of the ordinary day.

Good luck on the run!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Aug 2011
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Good luck on the 5k my friend, a worthy cause!
S/F


m 54
XW 48
m 12
t 14
bomb 6-11
s 10-11
wife moved to other state 10-21-11
d 9-12

O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
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kolja Offline OP
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Thanks, Gunny! Optomistic that it might even be a PR wink


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 335
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kolja Offline OP
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Quick update time -

Not much to say about the marriage, or former marriage, as the case may be. Haven't heard from the ex (not pleasant to think of her that way, but at least shorter to type :P) in over three weeks, which is probably the way it needs to be for now. I know her younger niece is visiting, which I'm sure will be nice for her because I have to imagine she misses her family up here. Her oldest niece, last I heard, was still pretty upset with her over her decision. I've also heard she got a new job which is good since she's been without one since early June and I have to figure it's hard to live on just the $750 I give her each month. One shudders to think of the debt she may be racking up just feeding herself, but on the other hand that's not really my problem at the moment.

Work continues to go well - some occaisional 'fires' to be put out (not real ones), but so far I've managed to avoid any major catastrophes. Next work trip is coming up this Sunday - back to Hawaii. As I mentioned on jbnati's thread, I'm in a 5K this weekend benefitting the Semper Fi fund for wounded Marines and will do a 15K the weekend after Labor Day, and at the end of September my next half. I found a new training program on the internet that has me incorporating tempo runs and intervals, so hoepfully the next try will see me making more than a minute improvement. Got my bicycle back from a friend (who worked in a bike shop in college) who did a comprehensive tune-up so I can take advantage of the nice weather a little more. Swimming continues, though I have had to do a little less of it over the summer so it will be interesting to see if I can break my score from last spring's PT test.

A coworker of mine has a wife who's a trainer at the base gym, and the lady she works for (facility manager) and I have started talking a bit. Certainly nothing serious and I definitely wouldn't say I'm 'dating' - though on the other hand, yesterday afternoon on the way to the track I popped my head in just to say hi and wound up shooting the breeze in her office for 2 1/2 hours. My buddy's wife says she IS the talkative type, but either way it's refreshing to converse with a woman who doesn't look at me like I'm the sole reason for her unhappiness. If nothing else, it helps maintain a good mood and mental attitude!


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Yay for Kolja!

Have fun.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 335
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kolja Offline OP
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I finished the Major Megan McClung Memorial run in 27:18; a sub 9:00 pace is pretty quick for me so I was happy. I wound up 21st out of 76 which was a bit of a milestone because in past runs I've generally been middle third, not front third. I also took third place in my division - but that just makes me wonder what division I'm in, precisely.

Now some quick errands then I have to get hussied up for a military ball (it's not optional for us - even though I have to leave early in the morning). There's a potential for wife-related sentimentality (one year it was one of our first dates, another year it was shortly after our wedding and almost like a sequel to the reception). But I'm not really DREADING it per se - partly because I'm on the road again to catch an airport shuttle at 3am so I'm going to be getting out of there as soon as the dinner is cleared and the formal program is done so I can finish packing and get to sleep!!


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
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