Thank you both...i know that this will take time and patience. I think that separation is going to be key for me. It's been a roller coaster these last few weeks and I feel I'm ready (or close to it) to begin detaching. I recently started working out again and have reached out to friends who I haven't spoken to in almost 10 yrs.
Last question for the group that I was hoping to get some insight on....I was approached by my company about possibly relocating from Pittsburgh, PA to Philadelphia, PA. Better job, better pay, etc...From my vantage point, I see this as an opportunity to have a new beginning for my family. Yes, the baggage still comes with us, but we get to work on it in a new setting. The In-Laws are also in the area, which gives us a chance to mend fences there too. Am I wrong in thinking that this type of move could be a good thing for my family?
Alby, I do not think the posters on this forum are in any position to advise you on the career move. That is something you need to discuss with your family including your "partner" in so much as she still is.
It could help (or not). I am all for improving one's economic circumstances and providing for family and personal fulfillment. That said, a change of scenery could ease tensions (again or not). Just remember, you M problems are internal for both you and W.
You can change the frame but the picture remains the same. Move wisely.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
pickle said it. change the frame..i moved my family to another town in 8/11. didn't stop the problems. this is your call. think carefully, make up your mind.
Yesterday was a good day. My little guy had his 1st tee ball game, which was a good distraction from R. Good weather, family was together, and it was fun. Went the entire day w/o asking any R or M questions, didn't really poke or prod too much. While I still have this nagging feeling to want to ask questions, I guess it's a small victory that I didn't.
Had a few laughs throughout the day too...nothing major or groundbreaking, but it was good to laugh with her as we haven't done this in several weeks.
Backslid slightly today on my way towards detachment;\
Was submitting a cell phone expense report and ended up reviewing the log of calls from the last few days. Noticed an odd # from a call W had yesterday and ended up opening my big mouth instead of internalizing it. Turns out it was my W's 'friend' who had passed OMs email/number and coordinated a meetup between the two a few weeks ago.
W said conversation was rather casual and didn't want to share with me b/c she thought I would go crazy. As I reflect, I probably should have internalized and just let it go, but looking back on it i see now that I won't go crazy b/c my W spoke to this 'friend.' I guess that's something positive.
Anyway, I feel like it was a minor slip-up toward detachment and nothing major to be concerned with.
Interesting update for the day (that may or may not mean anything...)
W called a few times today to actually 'temperature check' me on if I was going to reach out to this 'friend' in a crazed frenzy. I told her I wouldn't (which I intend to hold to). She said that my behavior has been different the last few days and that it was 'unsettling' to her. She wasn't sure what to make of it.
I thanked her for noticing, but am not clinging to this comment as any potential turnaround. I keep on 'keepin on' with trying to detach and 180 myself. For the first time since my D-day (3-20-12), I feel some semblance of regaining composure with my life.
Looking for some help or assistance as feedback is much appreciated.
My situation is that I was approached about transferring back to to my home area for a position of increased responsibility and pay. There are a multitude of reasons as to why I think this could be a good thing for us:
-Moves my immediate family back (and close to) our secondary family -increase in pay -Moves my wife back closer to her mom, which is a relationship that I damaged greatly by involved her when I found out about OM -I just can't live here anymore. She has a friend who helped facilitate meetups w/OM. Yes, W made decision to do this, but toxic friend played a part. That's not a friend to me.
Looking for some help or assistance as feedback is much appreciated.
My situation is that I was approached about transferring back to to my home area for a position of increased responsibility and pay. There are a multitude of reasons as to why I think this could be a good thing for us:
-Moves my immediate family back (and close to) our secondary family -increase in pay (if it comes to D for us, I can better support family needs) -Moves my wife back closer to her mom, which is a relationship that I damaged greatly by involving her when I found out about OM. I feel I owe it to W and MIL to help mend the relationship that I broke. -Lastly, I just can't live here anymore. Everyday, I drive by park where she met OM that I busted up two weeks ago. She had my 18 month old daughter with her. Driving by makes me sick to my stomach and my heart breaks a little each day. She has a friend who helped facilitate meetups w/OM. Yes, W made decision to do this, but toxic friend played a part. That's not a friend to me, and yet, she still continues to talk with her.
I understand that our problems still go with us if we move, but for me, there's reason to be hopeful here. W see things differently than I do at this point. She's against the move, although she has said that she could perhaps entertain it at some point....just not at this point.
She has said, as of today, that if I get (and take) the job that we will need to work out arrangements for the time being b/c she will stay in Pittsburgh.
Unsure of what to do...job is a great opportunity for the above cited reasons and yet I feel so guilty for entertaining the idea of it. W is adamantly against it at this point. Says that its symbolic of my wanting to control things.
Any help, suggestions, or otherwise would be so appreciative!
As far as feeling up and down each day, never knowing where your emotions will lead... That's exactly how I've been feeling, so I guess it's normal. Some days I'm optimistic that things will work out in the end and other days I think I should just give up and resign myself to the idea of divorce. Don't do anything rash and just keep trying.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
As far as feeling up and down each day, never knowing where your emotions will lead... That's exactly how I've been feeling, so I guess it's normal. Some days I'm optimistic that things will work out in the end and other days I think I should just give up and resign myself to the idea of divorce. Don't do anything rash and just keep trying.
And.... Do not do anything based on "emotion." Step outside the emotions and do what's best for your children.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
