I am in a similar sitch if you want to read my thread. PS I live in UK...and its a bit lonely over here so i might just post a few times if you dont mind ;-)
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hi isittoolate. I am sorry that you are going through this.
I have not moved out. I have two kids. Both are under 8 years old. We are "nesting" right now. Nesting is basically where the kids are always in the "home" and the mother and father come and go. So basically I have the kids three days per week, and my wife has them 3 days per week. The 7th day we alternate. Whomever has the kids is at the house. The the days I dont have the kids I am staying at my brothers or parents house.
You mention a set of 180s which relate to yourself: weight loss, haircuts, less coffee etc
Have you tried any behaviour 180s i.e. if you were controlling before or passive/aggressive...have you changed your nagging? stopped criticising....
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
You mention a set of 180s which relate to yourself: weight loss, haircuts, less coffee etc
Have you tried any behaviour 180s i.e. if you were controlling before or passive/aggressive...have you changed your nagging? stopped criticising....
Ow yes. Absolutely. I am doing a lot of listening. She is talking from time to time (basically when we swap the house). I am looking into her eyes and really listening and making sure she knows she was heard and that I understand. I have asked her questions to get her to talk more and that has worked too. The thing is, I was always ready to listen. My wife was never much of a communicator. If I am lucky to get back together with her, and she learns to communicate better, then I am going to be in heaven.
Part of my "more of the same" behavior was asking lots and lots and lots of questions to understand what she is thinking. This could be about anything from what movie she would like to see, place to have dinner, vacations, etc. She was so silent at times it felt like pulling teeth. So I have completely put this behavior to a halt. I never liked it anyway, I just felt I had to do this to ensure her needs and wants were being taken care of. Clearly that didn't work because look where I am now.
leaf- you gave me a good idea for a 180 i could do..doin chores immediately. i usually do all the chores around the house. but i wait till the weekend. cuts into fun time in a big way. my W always complains that i'm a procrastinator.
thank you for the post. i'm gonna give this a shot!
hows it going? try to update often even if you get no replies...its good for the soul :-)
Also put a signature in your profile so people can easily see your sitch.
Take care ..
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
