Outside the Scope of This Report 4

[TRUSTING]

You just have to laugh at this stuff, just laugh.

[BeingMe]

So funny, Wendy. "Your" OW is so much weirder than mine. She actually thinks that she has more rights to your H, than you, his wife, who he made vows to. I bet he wasn't rich when you married him, and not now either, so the "meal ticket" comment is just helium in her brain. You have been through thick and thin with your H, and now, after many years, he thinks it's okay to just dump you and go with someone else without so much as a "thanks for the good times". And OW thinks you did this on purpose ... what a dill head. Hilarious!!!!

Detachment is good, isn't it?!

I am not even going to give you a 2x4 re the asking H a "few questions". Since you're not standing per se, it may be a good idea to ask them while you still have him in the house. His comment about this being a "very painful period for him and too hurt to talk" underlines his MLC status. He has no inkling of the hurt and pain you experienced when he dumped you. I bet it was tempting to tell him, "s*cks, doesn't it?"

[WenikiTiki]

It is funny, I will tell you my H makes decent money. But we have a huge mortgage, so we are house poor. And it sure doesn't look like we will make any money when we sell it.

I worked for years. I have moved 13 times in the past 32 years. Remodeled 5 houses while we lived in them, in addition to us both holding jobs. Kids, scouts, church, volunteer work, and life. All I did helped him to get in that wonderful job he has now.

I was his meal ticket when we ment. He followed me to ROTC in college. I was making more money and handled all the details! Oh well! I think she says that because she is the one who has never supported herself, but has lived off one man or another her whole life! He will figure it out when she bleeds him dry!

[Kimmerz]

Wendy,

I can't believe how you handle this so smoothly. Him talking to you about his problems with OW? I swear I don't think I could stop at just flipping him off from the other room. Things would be thrown.

But Wendy you couldn't handle this any more perfectly. And if you're not trying to DB, why the heck not ask questions?

[D Money]

but why does he keep lying when the truth would suit better.

Same reason my 14 year old son does, BECAUSE HE'S A TEENAGER!

You will see the different aged children within them throughout this. My XW lies about everything. Even stuff she doesn't need to lie about.

I got to see like a 6 year old version of XW this past weekend. We were leaving Church and I was walking to my car with my fiance and 3 kids, my XW came out to the parking lot and was skipping and yelling that she was getting a dinosaur for Christmas. My kids just looked at me like "What was that?!"

Just when you think it can't get any crazier, it will.

[WenikiTiki]

Oh Goody! I barely survived my two boys teen years....

I was re-reading the spew emailed to me today by OW. One thing is clear. She really wants me to know my H hates me. And the other thing that isn't clear is why she keeps giving me advise on moving on, letting go, blah, blah, blah.....

Clearly my H is not communicating to her what I am telling him. Which at this point is plainly me accepting that our marriage is over. Me not pursuing him in any way. Me pointedly sitting in a different room from him at night.

I do still eat some meals with him, but have cut way back on that. I am easing out of the picture. Maybe I should be more dramatic, but why? I am pretty much doing what I want.

Tonight, with all the breakup songs on American Idol I was glad I was a couple rooms away. That kind of thing is when I go into complete snarky comment mode. I probably couldn't have contained myself when they were singing "Somebody That I Used to Know".

[BeingMe]

Gosh! Your M sounds like mine, Wendy. I also worked for years to supplement our income, moved many times, even immigrated to two different countries. Brought up our 4 children, involved in Girl Guides, school trips, took care of our houses, spent a lot of time alone in new strange cities, while he went on extended business trips, yadda yadda yadda ... life in a busy family. We also have a largish mortgage. We are not wealthy by any standard, but there is enough money to put me and D19 through university. I see this as my time to study and start a new career.

I still cook for my H when he's home, but that is so rare, that it's almost not worth mentioning. I do what I want, and don't care if he has anything to say, which is never. He doesn't care. Sorry, don't want to hijack ... just commenting on the similarities between us. It's what keeps me coming back, that there so many people so similar to me, and my history, and also fighting this WAS/MLC war.

[beatrice]

You can't get it right - I worked, raised a family, ran a successful business, made money. That was also WRONG.

According to him I neglected him and put my career first - not true. If I had done that I would have a LOT more money. It was a balancing act like everyone here - we all made different choices, and we all did our best. But not good enough for a MLCer. So goodness me, they run off with a crazy bimbetto!! And tell us solemnly that they are in lerve

You have to laugh as it is so pathetic and so untrue.

[WenikiTiki]

I am reading a book right now called "Cut Loose: (Mostly) Older Women Talk About the End of (Mostly) Long-Term Relationships"

Short horrer stories, okay really essays, about different womens experiences in being broken up with. Sadly it is helping me, a lot. So far only one of the stories ends with the couple getting back together years later and being happier than ever. Which I have come to view as the Holy Grail of getting dumped.

Anyway, just like reading our forums here, it is the same story over and over. Which is helping me to accept the inevidable.

I did grumble to H last night and this morning about OW and her crazy stuff. I told him if I'm not privy to what is going on in his life, he needs to quit sharing what is going on in mine with OW.

I was writing in my journal, and I realized that I need to get more separated. I don't know how. I might start spending weekends on the boat. Somethings gotta give!

[WenikiTiki]

Beatrice,

Your post reminded me of an interesting Hawaiian term: Kina'ole.

Kina’ole means “doing the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, in the right place, to the right person, for the right reason, with the right feeling…the first time.”

And most of us do live our lives that way. We try to do the best we can. But there are some who never get this concept. So MLC aside, I am feeling like maybe some people around me have missed this concept. They just don't care.

So I am seeking to surround myself with people who do care!

Okay, off to Power Yoga!