You did absolutely nothing wrong. Sometimes you have to test the waters to see where their minds are at. Now, step back and continue as you were doing...he's not fully baked yet.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly! Stepping back it is. I'm fairly detached still, so no harm done. I love him, but I feel removed from that love ... if that makes any sense. I will be fine, if he decides to leave and divorce now. Who knows, I may be the one doing that if I feel that it's just getting too long. I don't have much hope of a renewed R. I don't see that he will change at all, but until I'm sure of what to do otherwise, I'll stick around. He's not mean, still takes care of us as a family, calls often, so no reason to leave just yet. I've got my GAL activities to keep me occupied, and I really am NOT interested in pursuing any new R's. I'm pretty much a one-man girl. If this ends, I can't see myself with someone else.
Okay, this may seem weird, but sometimes I feel as if he's waiting for something from me, while I am waiting for something from him. It's so confusing. I have said all I had to say a long time ago, and I am not a mind reader, so not sure what to do with that feeling. It's why I thought it a good idea to test the water.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe, honey, part of the problem is, you are all over the board! You said 6 months ago if your MRI was good, you were leaving, you have told many times about how he has rejected you, sleep in different rooms, etc. As I have pointed out to you, I don't think you will ever leave or divorce him no matter what. Again, I'm not putting you down in saying that, but as I have said, you need to make the best of things and make some changes. Why did you take him to the airport? Why not let someone take him and pick him up, and while they do that, don't be there. Shake things up a bit. If you keep doing the same thing, you will get the same result.
I know, BH, I know .... ~sigh~ At this point, I'm at our condo in city where my D25 is, so semi-left. I'll be here for the rest of summer. I'm doing a lot of thinking. I have friends telling me not to leave, so it's difficult. I shouldn't listen to them, but I don't know what to do.
While here a divorced guy friend took me to the fireworks. I thought it was all innocent, but when we got back, he kissed me. I was so shocked ... I haven't been kissed like that in years. I ran like a shy teenager. Obviously, not ready for anything like that, even though it was nice. The fireworks were amazing, by the way.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Being Me, I'm not saying you should leave him, I'm saying that you need to shake things up a bit. Doing as you have done for the last 8 years will get you what you have always gotten.
I do understand what you're saying, BH. I know I said I would leave if my MRI was clear. If my H were cruel and mean, it would be so easy to walk away. But, he's nice just enough to keep me hanging. Yet, he has a way of keeping me at arms length, while still wanting my input on his job, etc. It feels like a half M, driven by him and his needs. Mine means nothing to him from what I can tell. Again, I'm not a mind reader so I don't want to assume what he's thinking or feeling (he doesn't tell me), so I might be completely off. But, if he doesn't talk, I cannot know.
I do feel all over the place, sometimes. But, after spending a couple of weeks away from home. I should just take life one day at a time. Be happy and grateful for what I have now, in this moment. I often forget that, but I always do get back to that ... each day is a gift. I think I'll write that on a huge piece of paper, frame it and hang it on the wall.
Hope y'all are having a good summer.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Oops! Wish I could edit sometimes. Cross out the "but, after ...." line.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BM, focus on those things in your life that bring happiness to you and can put a smile on your face. Let your H alone to figure himself out. Support him if and when you can, but he has to be left alone.
Maybe you don't have to leave to have a happy life. Have you looked at what your life would be without your H? Would it be better? Would it be worse?
I was where you are. The majority of my life felt good, it was just the part with H that made me miserable. I finally understood that I couldn't change him or make him change, he had to figure himself out. He did, after 7 years. Now my life has him back in it, along with all those things that kept me going while he was out of my life.
That doesn't mean life is 100% wonderful, I don't believe any single thing is 100% the way we want it to be, but there is always ways to improve. Growing forward together.
Chin up, eyes on the horizon.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I had an epiphany today ... it's time to move on. I know things worked out for you WCW, and I'm so happy it did, but I know my H doesn't love me. I'm tired of being in a R with someone who makes me feel unloved. I am so happy with my life, other than my M. I will be looking for a mediator, and making an appointment for when I'm back home. I have been fearful of my financial life, but I fear must not be allowed to rule. I will be okay ... I have to believe that.
BH, you're right ... nothing will change until I change the dynamics of this M. I need to lose the fear of being on my own.
Each day is a gift, still.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I had an epiphany today ... it's time to move on. I know things worked out for you WCW, and I'm so happy it did, but I know my H doesn't love me. I'm tired of being in a R with someone who makes me feel unloved. I am so happy with my life, other than my M. I will be looking for a mediator, and making an appointment for when I'm back home. I have been fearful of my financial life, but I fear must not be allowed to rule. I will be okay ... I have to believe that.
BH, you're right ... nothing will change until I change the dynamics of this M. I need to lose the fear of being on my own.
