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A Message from Michele
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Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 #2219978
02/08/12 05:13 PM
02/08/12 05:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
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RoRoinMD Offline OP
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RoRoinMD  Offline OP
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Starting a new thread.

Not sure how to link to my old one, so somebody help!

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2214104#Post2214104

Am I supposed to give a synopsis of my saga each time? At any rate, I don't feel like it right now, so probably later.

I ended up agreeing with H for him to take the day off and he's been watching me like a hawk since. I have told him that I appreciate him doing this for me. He said he would rather be here than have me trying to drive somewhere and get dizzy. He's out now getting more medicine and lunch.

My being sick has given me time to think. In our M, why did I never lean on him? Why did I have to do everything myself? Thanks to the women in my family, I am independent to a fault. I probably have never let my H feel needed unless there was a tragedy or I was about to fall out from doing too much.

No wonder he says I'm too wound up? Who wouldn't be from trying to do everything. So one of my 180s will continue to be to not sweat the small stuff. And for goodness sake, the world won't end if my H doesn't do something exactly as I would. (This is actually something I'm going to try to do with everybody. I think it will make my outlook on life in general a lot better.)


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
Re: Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 [Re: RoRoinMD] #2220165
02/09/12 03:12 AM
02/09/12 03:12 AM
Joined: Jan 2012
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RoRoinMD Offline OP
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RoRoinMD  Offline OP
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Well, ended up asking H to drive me to Urgent Care. We went to 2 different ones before we found one that was still open. Turns out I have a virus/upper respiratory infection. No work for the rest of the week, and bed rest. :-(

H has been really helpful this whole time. I told him I feel bad that he wasted a day staying home with me. He said it wasn't a waste and that he wanted to do what he could to help me feel better. I am glad he was here today because I was feeling really bad. It wasn't easy to lean on him before. I know my stubborness is keeping me from wanting to do it now. Who wants to appear weak when their H is having an affair?

He was playing more music today. It bothered me for half a second and then I told myself "You can only control you". Just going with the flow now. Not feeling especially good at DBing. I know it's a process and I've only been at it for a month. Time will tell if I keep doing what I'm doing, I guess.


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
Re: Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 [Re: RoRoinMD] #2220209
02/09/12 06:09 AM
02/09/12 06:09 AM
Joined: Jan 2012
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RoRoinMD Offline OP
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RoRoinMD  Offline OP
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I am really missing my H tonight. Even though he still lives here, it's as if he's not here. Does that even make sense?

I want to snuggle with him and get hugs and kisses like I used to, and have it feel real. Definitely missing the connection tonight.

Being sick + PMS has turned me into a big baby it seems. LOL


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
Re: Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 [Re: RoRoinMD] #2220227
02/09/12 11:42 AM
02/09/12 11:42 AM
Joined: Oct 2011
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NSweet Offline
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NSweet  Offline
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Keep your head up RR. You know he's hurting too.

DBing is a thankless sercetive job only strong enough spouses have the courage to do.

Re: Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 [Re: RoRoinMD] #2220232
02/09/12 12:16 PM
02/09/12 12:16 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,005
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Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

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Originally Posted By: RoRoinMD
I am really missing my H tonight. Even though he still lives here, it's as if he's not here. Does that even make sense?

I want to snuggle with him and get hugs and kisses like I used to, and have it feel real. Definitely missing the connection tonight.

Being sick + PMS has turned me into a big baby it seems. LOL


Yes this makes sense and is perfectly normal.

So at least you are aware that you are being ruled by your emotions and not thinking with your brain, that is good.

Sometimes doing something can be accomplished by doing NOTHING.

That would be my advice.

Take no actions on your emotions, you are cycling and this will pass. Remember to wait 24-48 hours before you take an action.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 [Re: Cadet] #2220307
02/09/12 05:58 PM
02/09/12 05:58 PM
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RoRoinMD Offline OP
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Well, I just snooped and found out my H's Vegas trip is actually with OW. He's been telling me for months it was with his high school BFs. But every time he would talk about it, something in the story would change. So I got suspicious.

I also found evidence of some other strange behavior that I won't get into now. I'll just say it has me thinking he needs counseling on a number of issues.

There's no question I have to confront him about it. I know I can't keep quiet about this until he gets back. Any suggestions on how to handle this? Its really looking like my M is over. :-(


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
Re: Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 [Re: RoRoinMD] #2220328
02/09/12 06:31 PM
02/09/12 06:31 PM
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RoRoinMD Offline OP
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And to think he had asked me before the bomb for spending money as his Chrslistmas gift. What kind of person asks his wife to help pay for his trip with his mistress? God, how stupid am I?


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
Re: Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 [Re: RoRoinMD] #2220370
02/09/12 08:47 PM
02/09/12 08:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
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RoRoinMD Offline OP
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Journaling...there's no one here with me so I guess you guys will have to suffer through my ramblings...LOL

So I've been reading some of the threads on the Infidelity board. They have helped me get some perspective. I still don't know what to do. DBing does not recommend confronting the WAS about their affair. Of course, I have already done this once before. This Vegas thing really just adds another layer to it. And me asking him about it is not going to keep him from going. I'll be out of town myself - actually close to where OW lives and where they are flying out of. The old me would have already planned to meet them at her house on their wsy home. The new me still wants to cause bodily harm but won't. LOL

And there's LRT where I tell him he's free to go and I agree to S. At this point, I'm not sure I'm ready to do that yet.

So that still leaves me with what to do? H going to Vegas with OW and me knowing it and not saying anything makes me feel like a fool.


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
Re: Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 [Re: RoRoinMD] #2220381
02/09/12 09:12 PM
02/09/12 09:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 497
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Brian in Hville Offline
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Posts: 497
Ro..

I know how hard it is, but you need to forget about the OW. Concentrate on you. Go out and GAL. Worry about ONLY the things you can control. Keep talking to us. You are going to be ok regardless what happens. Trust me on this, this board is FULL of survivors. We love you.

Brian


Me: 39
W: 44
SS 24
SD: 20
M: 13
T: 15
Bomb: 2/16/11
EA: 2/14/11
Papers Signed 4/13/11
Divorced 5/13/11
Re: Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2 [Re: Brian in Hville] #2220385
02/09/12 09:17 PM
02/09/12 09:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 871
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RoRoinMD Offline OP
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Brian - Thanks. I know I will be ok. But I would love to be okay in a new M with my H, you know?

So basically you are telling me to keep my mouth shut?

Wish I could GAL. Stuck on bed rest with this virus. Which leaves me lots of time to think. And plot. LOL


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
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