I'm generally not the type to openly speak about the paranormal or supernatural powers, psychic abilities and what not as who would take me seriously. I don't talk about these things but I believe there is a psychic bond between lovers that enables us feel as they feel.
I didn't believe in this as much until a few years ago when I was in the Navy before I met my wife, I was walking back to the barracks from my school. I stopped maybe 10yds from this white van with the feeling that "you need to get away or something bad will happen". Well sure enough there was the girl I slept with that used every man she could who stepped out to wave to me. After that I thought there may be something to it but still wasn't quite sure.
I've also had strange instances where dogs and other animals will pull on their leashes to greet me and children stop crying to stare at me. One time I was in the grocery store frantically racing to pick up something I forgot, and there was this little girl that turned to me and said "daddy daddy" to her father while pointing at me as I went by like "there he goes". Little boys on the other hand will chew on teething rings and give me that look like "you're not so special".This crazy flower-child psychic I met once told me that I was "Highly Empathic", but never used my gift much. Go figure.
That same instinct I may add was the driving force behind marrying my wife. I'll save you the details and just say that I married a good hearted woman after spending so much time with her that my gut told me "you need to do anything you can to keep her". My dreams every nite I was with her were flashes of her in the future, shockingly more how she looks now. I know that sounds like a alcohol filled vivid dream but it every nite before and for a year after we married.
That "feeling" is what clued me in about the OM after she left and the reason why she wanted a divorce. She lied to me and her family about where she was living and led all of us to believe otherwise. But I knew something was up all along and tried not to pry. It wasn't until I put all the pieces together that I found out she was having an affair. When she tried to tell me how she didn't want to lie to me anymore, I told her she didn't have to because I knew about him for a while and wished her the best with him. I gave her my blessing because I knew I didn't have any leverage here and knew what would happen if I argued with her feelings. I also knew that this affair was doomed to fail so long as I pulled pack and let her end it on her own.
I had already tried to breakup with her and call it quits for good but after the last time I saw her, in Novemeber. After we stopped fighting we signed the papers together hand in hand and went on a few dates. She was my wife again, shared that feeling once again, and kissed a few times like before. But I could tell the OM was keeping her on a short leash.
After that Friday nite I was a mess. I am a diagnosed bipolar type two(cyclothymia) and know what can happen when I over stress my medicine. It stopped working and my stomach knotted up so bad I went days without anything to eat while my mind tried to work through this. I remember she had sold her wedding rings and replaced it with something cheaper, something silver with gold inlayed. I was sure he had given it to her as a bf/gf ring. My thoughts raced at her telling me how she had rented an apartment and he must be staying with her. I couldn't think logically at that point and told myself she must be pregnant or something. To make matters worse I got a butt dial from her where my wife, him, and two other girls giggled and talked about getting a two person.
That Monday I talked to Jody who calmed me down from a two day fast with no meds and convinced me to buy DR. I read through it by Thursday and took notes throughout and settled down a bit. I got my meds strengthened and sought out more counseling for managing my condition. My wife and I talked briefly with very limited investment on Wednesday but I was somewhat cold. I was angry at her and couldn't grasp how I needed to be friendly to make progress. So I tried to text her, I tried to call a few times, I tried but I always set a limit of no more than three per day which is still too much. She eventually texted me something to push me away with how stressed she was moving into an apartment that she found out was dangerous and how she was having legal troubles getting out of contract. This was all implied as my wife speaks in Spanglish when upset. So I texted her back something about how I understood her situation and was giving her the space she needed, taking the higher path etc.
Since then we've email some, chatted on skype (no cam), and texted off and on. But I still had the knot in my stomach that told me my W and the OM are moving in together and having sex while I cry at nite and do my best to DB against all odds. I've tried to cut her out of my life before now as my family and friends have suggested but every time I stopped calling her and attempted to "go dark" permanently to move on, she couldn't go a week without me.
And then, something changed....
It's weird but a couple day ago I started thinking about her while reading DR and I didn't get the same feelings of the A from her. I got the feeling like they had fight or some falling out and she was very angry at him. I know this guy is very exciting to her but very controlling and jealous of me, so it would come as no surprise if he pushed her away. I peeked at her old dating profile she used to secretly contact him and it was filled with "!s" of contempt and anger and lines about her life not being perfect but not a nightmare!!!, how she dislikes drama, and she's open to people but if things dont work out le't be honest and show some self respect!!!! I know this was directed at him because she used to have something angrily written about me, and we've been getting along better than ever, not much but better. Her public fb profile also has a brand new profile pic of her wearing clothes she got from me and her wedding band. I didn't even think she still had clothes I gave her, I was under the impression she threw everything sentimental away. And I know I think of her when I wear the clothes she gave me, so....
And now....
I have come to terms with all of this and relaxed enough to eat semi normally and talk to her without feeling at odds. I still have to keep from confronting her about anything, and I have plenty of experience keeping my questions within from a top secret security clearance in the Navy. My gut tells me I have to shut out the nay sayers and keep pressing foreward. That she is hurting just as bad as I am and from what she's said and what I'm feeling, she is having second throughts about leaving me. So much so that she's kept sentimental pictures in a scrapbook I gave her for our anniversairy and brings up good memories when we talk. And she let me keep her diary from when we met that contained every text message throught our first year of marriage.
So you can see my gut instinct has been trying to tell me all along and should have listened. I can't help but predict that the A will continue after Valentines day but I don't see it going on past April or March, but by then I'll be ready. I'm no psychic but I guess only time will tell.
