Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
Wow. I'll post more later but wow. SHe found a place and is outta here.

Hi Rick, 25, JB gunny, etc..... I've been thinking of you...trying to do what 25 said about NOT isolating, but still isolating some.

This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard. Later on after S is in bed I'll catch up on my sitch which has changed immensely in the last two weeks. Moving says it all.


Me (f): 45
W(f) 35
T: 13 y
C: S4 adopted at birth
6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up
8-28-11 OW confirmed
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Good to hear from you!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
(((IS))) I really missed u. I was very worried about you my friend.. I am so happy to see u back here.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
yeah, she's moving this weekend and i'm stuggling to even put it into words. PLUS some things regarding S have come up...some threatening undertones about her legal position....

How in the H3ll do WAS become such aliens???????? I took some anti anxiety med earlier, put s to bed and Im zoning out now. Ya'll pray for me!!!!!!!! Seeing her things going.... i've read other's descriptions of it but u don't know until you live it. SEARING PAIN.


Sleep will ne nice if not elusive.


Me (f): 45
W(f) 35
T: 13 y
C: S4 adopted at birth
6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up
8-28-11 OW confirmed
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
I will never forget seeing my h pull out of the driveway and literally waving at us smiling...

wtf?

That was then, this is now.

But you have to leave her to her task...it's happening, she is moving and that's that. Does not mean it is permanent but in some ways your life is about to get EASIER as far as having less tension in your life.

I did not think she could find her way without leaving and feeling free; and you conceded that you were unable to contain yourself well enough. So she felt smothered and needed space to breathe. Maybe this is a step she had to take.

It's like she is underwater and til she gets some air, she won't see what is really happening.

She has not stepped back to LOOK at her life or to go to a scenic overlook and see where she wants to go and where she's been. (Maybe she'll do EE someday, but til if and when...)

Let her go. You have no choice - so you may as well embrace this new reality.

Back off, take care of YOU and S and don't freak so much about things.

Remember that her "legal" position is NOT a given. Hardly... It's tenuous at best, and she KNOWS that.

Don't let your fears read into her comments; you are receiving them in a scary way. That helps no one.

You already knew you'd have to protect yourself with a vigorous defense of your legal rights as a parent. PERIOD. So you knew that already and this is NOT NEW Information..


but if she wants to discuss custody, You want it in writing...


Be brave. Do NOT let fear make any of your choices now.

In some ways, that fear based choice making helped get you here. Know what I mean?


Have faith my friend...and take care of YOU AND YOURS....


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
been so exhausted mentally and emotionaly but wanted to check in. She is draggng this moving out thing out....it's like a band aid. I need it to be done. She found a place jan 6, started moving things yesterday, and still not even moved any clothes. did sneak out with the washer and dryer.... i was not amused.

My main focus is what to do about S since she has REFUSED like a child to talk about how we are to handle this. Yes 25... i did tell her it MUST be in writig. By the way, the case I posted for you to read -- it IS in my state. Im not in PA--- but on the east within driving distance for EE. My family loves to do long haul drives to visit family= so from where I am to phlly, not a problem.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO worried about losing any time with S-- and W told me this am that her mom and friends have told her since she has legal rights that he shouldn't be allowed to spend the night over here.....OK. Really?? This is why i haven't posted much. All i can do is just bleed from this open wound and WORRY. Will look into new L's tomorow. this state sux-- but that one case i posted gives me some hope,even though ours was adoption not biological mom v non bio mom. Maybe that's even a good thing.

Took my prescribed anti-anxiety med --- S and W are still here tonight. Maybe the last night? She won't tell me shht so who knows????? Pain pain pain...... will lead to a stronger and better me. Maybe Ill even learn how to do things -- fix it stuff around the house. Top of my list to buy is a women's toolkit. So glad for youtube how to videos. smile I CAN do this and in the words of gloria gaynor I WILL SURVIVE>


Ya'll pray that I don't lose my S though ===he is my world and is all that really matters to me anymore. Right now I am struggling to forgive W for her nastiness....even though it's script and spew, telling me how worthless I am is pretty disheartening....


Me (f): 45
W(f) 35
T: 13 y
C: S4 adopted at birth
6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up
8-28-11 OW confirmed
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
are you in the state of the case? IF so that's great!!

You will prevail...and I am confident if you persist that will be the outcome.

enough said (I'm brief when I can't bill for my time...)

cool


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
lol u made me smile --- no small task. smile


Me (f): 45
W(f) 35
T: 13 y
C: S4 adopted at birth
6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up
8-28-11 OW confirmed
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 524
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 524
I know you are in a dark place, but hang in there!!


Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: In_Shock
been so exhausted mentally and emotionaly but wanted to check in. She is draggng this moving out thing out....it's like a band aid. I need it to be done. She found a place jan 6, started moving things yesterday, and still not even moved any clothes. did sneak out with the washer and dryer.... i was not amused.

document an inventory of items taken...discreetly, just in case you need it later on, you never know and you don't want to take from your son what belongs to him rightfully...


My main focus is what to do about S since she has REFUSED like a child to talk about how we are to handle this. Yes 25... i did tell her it MUST be in writig. By the way, the case I posted for you to read -- it IS in my state. Im not in PA--- but on the east within driving distance for EE. My family loves to do long haul drives to visit family= so from where I am to phlly, not a problem.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO worried about losing any time with S-- and W told me this am that her mom and friends have told her since she has legal rights that he shouldn't be allowed to spend the night over here.....OK. Really??

are they lawyers? Or are they high or delusional?

I read that case and it weighs in your favor with similar facts (your facts are better for you imo) and it's recent law...so what gives? Then again one of your Ls didn't know, so maybe hers doesn't either?? Is there another case I'm not aware of in your state?



This is why i haven't posted much. All i can do is just bleed from this open wound and WORRY. Will look into new L's tomorow. this state sux-- but that one case i posted gives me some hope,even though ours was adoption not biological mom v non bio mom. Maybe that's even a good thing.


it iS a good thing b/c that bio mother was in the position of your w, and she had to share custody w/ the "you" in that case...so yes it helps you....


Took my prescribed anti-anxiety med --- S and W are still here tonight. Maybe the last night? She won't tell me shht so who knows????? Pain pain pain...... will lead to a stronger and better me. Maybe Ill even learn how to do things -- fix it stuff around the house. Top of my list to buy is a women's toolkit. So glad for youtube how to videos. smile I CAN do this and in the words of gloria gaynor I WILL SURVIVE>

YES YOU CAN & WILL


Ya'll pray that I don't lose my S though ===he is my world and is all that really matters to me anymore. Right now I am struggling to forgive W for her nastiness....even though it's script and spew, telling me how worthless I am is pretty disheartening....



I do NOT fear you losing your son unless you give him up, which I don't expect....and I would warn you if I thought it wasn't going your way.

if she is telling you YOU are worthless, *(seriously? What a wack job)

you can say
"I don't deserve your contempt and I sure won't miss it."

IS, I don't think that hurts your cause but..& harrumph to thatanyhow...

Know that in the long run she is losing more than you, and let that sink in and then

let it radiate. It may haunt her if you act as if you believe it.

In time I hope you will. I do.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard