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Glad you are fine.

Also glad you were grateful she drove you, stayed there and was there when you woke up. Good attitude

but then you lost it when her car was dirty and you suddenly veered negatively and said she "only cares about the horse and her job...unreal"...what? How'd you get that?

She was driving you home!

I am very glad you did not say anything but you glossed over how you used to comment on that. Why did you ever say a word about HER car? She's an adult..I am just saying, try to notice how you can react differently b/c if you still THINK the same as before, it'll be hard to maintain changes.

Also you said you live near Philly...look up "Essential Experience" which is a workshop for personal growth. (It's not Landmark or Est or Imago)

It changed my life and rocked my world and no, it's not a cult or a weirdo thing. Very professional, even tax deductible and you will always communicate better. You will gain clarity galore.

And nope, I don't get paid to say this!


good luck Rick


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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25 I saw u mentioned E before and will take a look at. Yes I did notice the dirt in the car and I agree that thinking as before will hurt the changes. But that is the stage I am at. Noticing the thoughts. Hopefully I. Will move to the next stage. Not letting it bother me or even thinking about it.

Got a letter from my L yesterday that W has not turned in a case information statement due in November. I am not sure why and won't think about the reasons. But I have turned in every document requested as usual I obey and do as told. That needs to change. The urge to comply and meet dead lines has made me crazy and a jerk at times. So maybe a little procrastination at home and in my personal life is in order. I will maintain that side of me at work since they like it.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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good morning rick. I will read up on your updates. I am betting u are off to church this am so have a peaceful morning.

U sound like a type A - always get things done yesterday type in that last post. that does work well at work but you're right, slow down some in personal life and let things ride a little.... (easier said than done for me. I have OCD) LOL


Me (f): 45
W(f) 35
T: 13 y
C: S4 adopted at birth
6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up
8-28-11 OW confirmed
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Hi IS glad you checked in. Hope you update your thread. Yes went to church.

The young man from our group came to church and he sat next to me. He really looks messed up. We hung out after service and the facilitator from group invited us to dinner on Friday. The go as a group. He and I went out to breakfast and he kind of told me alot about his R. I tried to talk about mine but he was overwhelmed by his sich tearing up at the place. So I just listened. He said he read DR. He owned up to alot of his baggage and said that that is where to start. He was pretty loud at the restaurant so I felt uncomfortable that he was so open about his personal stuff.

All I can say is while in church I asked God to help me make the hard changes. I know if I don't they will carry into a new R and I don't want that ever again. I was feeling pretty anxious today. Not sure why.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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"The young man from our group came to church and he sat next to me. He really looks messed up..... He and I went out to breakfast and he kind of told me alot about his R.... He said he read DR. He owned up to alot of his baggage and said that that is where to start...."

You know Rick, you being there for that young man probably was a gift. You were able to lend an ear and perhaps some comforting words to someone in great pain. Did you see your old self reflected back at you in that young man? Anyway, good for you. Maybe allowing your friend to open up some will help him in the long run. And you too.

If you can, try to help your friend, he really sounds like he needs some guidance. You know, kind of like paying it forward,

"All I can say is while in church I asked God to help me make the hard changes. I know if I don't they will carry into a new R and I don't want that ever again. I was feeling pretty anxious today. Not sure why."

Really good to see you digging deep and working to make those positive changes. And, that you KNOW you need them in order to be a better man and H is a huge step in the right direction.

Why do you think you were anxious today? Do you have some big decisions coming up? An important conversation with you W perhaps? Maybe some quiet reflection will help to ease your anxiety. Hang in there!


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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I do hope what I say helps him. He really is in bad shape. Not only that she served him she fired him the same day. He worked for her threw him out of the house and got a restraining order. Pretty cruel if you ask me. He is on the fence regarding DBing.

A little journaling about church.

Really the best thing I have done for me in years. I have started to stay after service and talk to people. All of them who I never met before. pretty weird for me. The Pastor is doing a new series "The life of Jesus•all from a historical perspective. Fascinating how he explains one word in detail. Today he talked about the coming of Jesus and why he asked John to baptize him.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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W seemed very angry today. She made me breakfast but did not serve it as she usually has done. I really never expected her to do it but she wanted it to. So I thanked her and served myself.

I think she does not like me reading and posting into my Iphone. I am always here on this site I don't go anywhere else on my phone. When she came into my bedroom to use the bathroom I was typing into my phone, she said hi to my dog and smiled at her, but not me? crazy

Today I feel pretty good. Kind of feel in control of my life again. Good feeling. Going out for a ride and check out the town and grabb a coffee. Tonite I have IC. Tomorrow back to work after 5 days of doing nothing, which I liked.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Hey Rick! I've been wondering about the potential downside of our Spouses seeing us constantly on-line and/or typing into the message board. Could they suspect an affair of some type? Could this be doing more harm?

Just wonder what the wise ones have to say about the WAS who sees the LBS reading and typing into the computer/iphone/blackberry. Should we be more discreet?


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
Hey Rick! I've been wondering about the potential downside of our Spouses seeing us constantly on-line and/or typing into the message board. Could they suspect an affair of some type? Could this be doing more harm?

Just wonder what the wise ones have to say about the WAS who sees the LBS reading and typing into the computer/iphone/blackberry. Should we be more discreet?

Ummm.....no. You're doing things for you, and you need to continue to do that. Whether she sees tyou or not. She's having a bona fide affair and you're wondering whether or not you should be on-line or typing into a message board while she sees you???


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Good point Antlers. I guess the other thing I was wondering about then is if for example one of their complaints is too much computer time, then wouldn't that kind of feed into that? Or screw it, posting for us is kind of our therapy? I don't know it seems like some discretion would be prudent.

I've always been concerned about my W discovering my posts. Is that why I've seen some posters change their name?


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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