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A Message from Michele
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Re: Starting over....again ! [Re: SunFunOne] #2239719
04/21/12 11:37 PM
04/21/12 11:37 PM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
East coast
C
cat03 Offline
Member
cat03  Offline
Member
C
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
East coast
what a sham of a man... thoughtless as anyone I know... some people think you should just flip a switch and feel all better about it.

Have the girls gone to a C? if not, now is the time, I highly recommend it, this way the C can help them deal with this. I personally think it is immoral to live with someone, but it would be good for the girls to accept what is, and that they see past what their dad has done and to not feel guilty to go, perhaps they don't want to hurt your feelings and that's another reason for them not to want to be with their dad, out of loyalty for you.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
Re: Starting over....again ! [Re: cat03] #2241998
05/01/12 03:08 PM
05/01/12 03:08 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 386
S
Shelby Offline OP
Member
Shelby  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 386
Thanks !
I've been thinking of getting them
Into counseling. I am. But I know they would fight me on it.

Today I am losing my mind.
For some reason I am really missing him today. And I am half tempted to see if there is any last minute thing I could say or do to get him to change his mind. Maybe let him know how I still didn't want this. Ask him if he is really happy now. I don't know ? He does hit on me occasionally. Out it out there that I miss him and I am still interested.

And then the other half me wants to slap myself and say come on...he cheated on you a couple of times, long term. He is a liar, a cheat. And why would I want any man that could tell you one week after finishing cancer treatment he wants a divorce ?
Ugh I needy head examined !!!

I have no confidence left. (The divorce will be final In 2 months. At least I think it will, he had me served and I had to sign, and it will be 2 years in July. He hasn't moved the divorce forward in any way since that day. ) in that I haven't even talked to another man.

I need a vacation !!


Me:43
H:43
T:20 YRS
M:15 YRS
Bomb: 6/9/08
Bomb#2 7/6/10
Served with papers at work 7/13/10
DD:14, DD:11
Re: Starting over....again ! [Re: Shelby] #2242006
05/01/12 03:55 PM
05/01/12 03:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,883
K
kml Online
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kml  Online
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,883
Ummm....wait. He served you with papers but NOTHING else has been done? What about the financials? Have you seen an attorney? PLEASE don't just sit there without seeing an attorney and making sure you are getting a reasonable financial deal out of this divorce.

Quote:
And then the other half me wants to slap myself and say come on...he cheated on you a couple of times, long term. He is a liar, a cheat. And why would I want any man that could tell you one week after finishing cancer treatment he wants a divorce ?
Ugh I needy head examined !!!


Yes - you do! What does your therapist think about this? Do you have some idea of why you would cling to such an unsuitable man?

Re: Starting over....again ! [Re: kml] #2242032
05/01/12 05:23 PM
05/01/12 05:23 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 386
S
Shelby Offline OP
Member
Shelby  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 386
I saw a lawyer right after I was served. The ex. Has been paying ALL the bills. And my lawyer said "do not rock the boat" as long as he continued to do this. Because I am making out better this way then i will be if he pushed things along financially, and in these 2 years he has never made another move on the divorce.

I do see a therapist. I'm strong most of the time. Just having a weak moment today, I guess because I know things will be coming final soon.
Deep down I know I could never be with him again even if he wanted. I would be forever looking over my shoulder.


Me:43
H:43
T:20 YRS
M:15 YRS
Bomb: 6/9/08
Bomb#2 7/6/10
Served with papers at work 7/13/10
DD:14, DD:11
Re: Starting over....again ! [Re: Shelby] #2242040
05/01/12 05:58 PM
05/01/12 05:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,883
K
kml Online
Member
kml  Online
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,883
Well then, time to talk to the lawyer again and find out. I would think you couldn't be divorced without a financial agreement of some sort at least in the works, but there are some weird states out there. Once the divorce is final it can be hard to get the WAS to come to the negotiating table to hammer out the financials. So just find out where you stand - it may be, since your H has done nothing, that the filing will just expire and no divorce will happen. But find out - knowledge is power.

Re: Starting over....again ! [Re: Shelby] #2242041
05/01/12 05:59 PM
05/01/12 05:59 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 151
M
mainemom1 Offline
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mainemom1  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 151
My bomb drop was about the same time as yours but my exh moved it along much faster. We were divorced August 2011. I'm happy now he did. I've heard he is spending money like water and is basically not the person I thought I knew. As far as I can see it this would have eventually affected my settlement. He may not have been a serial cheater and he hid it while we were still married, it eventually came out that he had been seeing the OW before the divorce. Months before the divorce, at least, possibly longer. He denies it but I have enough evidence to convince me if no one else. I have thought about standing but its not worth it. I did stupid stuff to try to change his mind but ended up hurting myself instead. Even if it is a MLC, its still him doing it and I refuse to deal with it anymore.

Re: Starting over....again ! [Re: mainemom1] #2242137
05/02/12 12:24 AM
05/02/12 12:24 AM
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,096
Illinois, United States
C
ClingingToHope Offline
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ClingingToHope  Offline
Member
C
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,096
Illinois, United States
I wrestled with the thought of making one last great speech to get XW back. I didn't do it and now two years later I learned that she was dating someone most of '09 and into '10. They are back together now so I saved some semblance of pride.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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