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Journaling....
Things continue to go well. My major issue now is fighting all the negative thoughts and visions in my head. In three days it will be the 1 year anniversary of me discovering H's affair. I keep getting flashbacks of that time. All the lies he told me. My utter despair. I can still see all the nauseating emails, including all of her naked pictures, and i want to puke. I wish I could just move past this, but I can't stop thinking about OW and this whole nightmare when my life unraveled. Hard to believe this was a year ago. Sometimes it feels like a long time ago, and other times like a fresh wound. How can i stop these negative thoughts?


M:12yr
06/11:IDLYA
07/11:Moves out
08/11:PA disc(began in May)
09/11:Moves w OW
10/11:Breaks up w OW;gets apt
11&12/11: Touchngo w me
1/12: Comes home-PA resumes
2/12: PA disc; PA ends
Today: Piecing
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
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Originally Posted By: Some Day
Journaling....
Things continue to go well. My major issue now is fighting all the negative thoughts and visions in my head. <snip> How can i stop these negative thoughts?


You might want to read "The Happiness Trap", I'm reading it right now and it has some awesome techniques for controlling your negative thoughts. In a nutshell it tells you not to follow the conventional wisdom of pushing bad thoughts aside because all that happens is they come back bigger and uglier over and over again. Instead recognize them as what they are- mental images that can do you no personal harm. One of the many techniques they suggest is when those bad thoughts come then give them a name, like "here comes my husband's love affair again" and then sing that name to a tune like Jingle Bells or something. Or if it's an image of say husband with OW, picture that image on a TV set that you control, you can flip the image, turn it backwards, etc. It takes practice, but eventually you see these things as thoughts and images that you can accept for what they are and choose not to react to. Good luck!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: Nov 2011
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Journaling...

Progress continues...slow, but progress nontheless. I've been thinking less and less about the OW. Last night we were watching TV and H just starts caressing my neck and face out of the blue. If felt like heaven. He is not the affectionate type, so this was huge for me. Just trying to be the best me I can be. I've learned and grown so much from this experience and continue to do so. I'm becoming the woman only a fool would leave.


M:12yr
06/11:IDLYA
07/11:Moves out
08/11:PA disc(began in May)
09/11:Moves w OW
10/11:Breaks up w OW;gets apt
11&12/11: Touchngo w me
1/12: Comes home-PA resumes
2/12: PA disc; PA ends
Today: Piecing
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 81
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Posts: 81
It's been a while. My healing continues. I get frequent flashbacks, but they quickly dissipate. So many positive things have happened. Our marriage continues to grow stronger day by day. We both strive not to take each other for granted and make sure we set aside time each week to date, talk, and engage in recreational activities. We have also been blessed and will be expecting our first child this summer. God is good!


M:12yr
06/11:IDLYA
07/11:Moves out
08/11:PA disc(began in May)
09/11:Moves w OW
10/11:Breaks up w OW;gets apt
11&12/11: Touchngo w me
1/12: Comes home-PA resumes
2/12: PA disc; PA ends
Today: Piecing
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,167
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Congratulations!

I hope your marriage continues to move forward in a positive direction!


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 81
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Piecing continues. I have realized that having a successful marriage takes work - from both sides. It's easy to get comfortabnle and take short cuts. This is what got us the first time. We are both committed to not letting this happen again. Of course, having a child will complicate things. We'll have to continue making our marriage our top priority. I know this will be hard, but I think if we keep it top of mind, we can catch things early before they slip too far.

For those of you with children, how do you keep your marriage first, children second? How do you make time for each other? How do you balance it all?


M:12yr
06/11:IDLYA
07/11:Moves out
08/11:PA disc(began in May)
09/11:Moves w OW
10/11:Breaks up w OW;gets apt
11&12/11: Touchngo w me
1/12: Comes home-PA resumes
2/12: PA disc; PA ends
Today: Piecing
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