MLC?

[TRUSTING]

I totally understand, you are not alone in feeling so out of control. Pain equals change. He has to feel the loss to make the changes. I was with my ex forever also. You have to take one day at a time to get through the fear. I was terrified. I remember shaking in my bed before I went to sleep and when I would arise. It is a living nightmare, but you have to find a way to cope and move on.

[psalm46:10]

Great advice- thanks Snodderly.
He did come to me this morning and ask me what I had planned for my son's birthday. I just told him that I was going to have it when we came back from our cruise. Then I walked away. He didn't ask any further.

I have a full weekend planned with the kids- and am really feeling great!

But, I did notice him do a double take when I left all dressed up for our women's christmas event at churc!

[job]

psalm,
Continue allowing him to come to you w/questions about things. I'm glad to see he asked about his son's party.

Yep, it did a second take when you walked out the door. He'll be curious and just might ask you about your night out. You may not realize it, but he notices everything...

Hope your night out was a good one.

[trustingfaith]

Hi, I heard about your thread from cadet last night and wanted to stop by.

I have a live-in MLCer who has been in the basement for over 32 months now. He is still very much in MLC and still at home for now but who knows what the future holds. It is really, really tough having them at home and the MLC in your face but I do my best to ignore it. Thankfully, he is not "mean" which makes it more tolerable I suppose.

You sound like you are doing well with leaving him alone and doing your own thing. That really is the only thing we are can do. They are going to have their crisis and we can't change that so the best we can do is step out of their way.

Hang in there!

[psalm46:10]

Thank you so much for stopping by trusting! I have read every post of yours and I admire your resolve!!! I'm not sure I have your patience- although I never thought I would have the patience to endure 3 months of this either. Any suggestions you can give me would be greatly appreciated!!!

A close friend of ours has been reaching out to him occasionally and not really getting any response. This week, he texted H asking him when he was going to "man up and get back to his family." Of course no response.

Then my kids and I were at a Christmas party on Friday evening with this friend and my son was very rough (much rougher than normal) with their son. So again, he called him and left a message saying that my son is hurting and that he needs to make a decision, either move out, or re-engage with the family. And this time he actually got a reponse!

My H texted him back and said that my son has been rougher since he started playing with the neighbor boy! To which this friend responded to stop blaming people, especially kids, and admit that his son is hurting because his dad is not being a dad. Needless to say my son got a new iPod and got to go hit golf balls that afternoon. Yet today, back to the same old staying in his room ignoring everyone.

As for me- I had a blast at a Christmas party, went to church and dinner with friends, went Christmas shopping, took my daughter to Epcot for the candlight processional, and made gingerbread houses with the kids- plus packed us for our cruise on Saturday!!! I am detaching well I think. I also ordered the book and workbook CoDependent No More. I am anxious to receive them.

Snodderly- I keep thinking of your analogy of the 15 year old teenage boy and sometimes it actually makes me laugh out loud. He will make breakfast for the kids- and leave all the dishes out, and a mess all over the counter. I used to get mad- now I kind of chuckle! Also, since he has been in the spare room, I have only seen him wash the sheets one time! Talk about stench!!! But, that's what teenagers do!!

[job]

psalm,
I am going to offer up a bit of advice...your husband's friend needs to back off with the comments getting back to his family. Those types of comments just make him dig in his heels even more so. The friend needs to be just a friend and talk about sports or the things that they normally do. Your h does not want to hear about getting back together or what he should or shouldn't do. Remember...he's a teenager and what do they do best? The opposite of what you tell them.

As for his "room"...mom, do not clean it up or wash his clothes. It's best to allow him to do his own laundry. Do not go out of your way to clean up his messes. He needs to learn responsibility the good old fashion way.

I hope that you enjoy your cruise. You and your family need a much needed break from the mlc madness.

[psalm46:10]

Snodderly- That is true. I will tell him to back off. And I do NOT clean up his room, or do any of his laundry. I was folding his laundry for a while if he by chance left it in the dryer- now I am just dropping it on the chair!

I can't wait to be gone from the madness for a week! Just sad because the kids are sad he is not going, although I think once we board the boat- they will be fine!!

[psalm46:10]

Here are some great Scripture resources that a friend just sent me:

Realize that you are powerless to change this situation!

Only God is able to make the necessary changes in you and in your spouse. We are good at manipulating our circumstances, but if we attempt to change things by manipulation, then we must continue the manipulation to attain the desired response we seek. It is a never-ending game of "tit for tat."


Pray. Just tell God what's in your heart. He knows it anyway. However, as you pray, you will begin to see yourself more clearly. Prayer opens up a powerful door to heaven. Awesome changes will begin to happen and the burdens will slowly lift.

• “May your eyes be open to your servant’s plea and to the plea of your people Israel, and may you listen to them whenever they cry out to you.” 1 Kings 8:52

• “The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.” Psalm 6:9

• “You who answer prayer, to you all people will come.” Psalm 65:2

• “LORD, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry.” Psalm 88:1-2

• “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.” Psalm 102:17

• “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8

• “Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.” Luke 18:1


Seek God. God wants you to want Him more than you want your marriage restored. Your transformation will come when you seek an encounter with God for who He is, not simply to fix your circumstances.

• “It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.” 2 Samuel 22:33

• “Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.” Psalm 119:18,

• “Teach me your way, LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.” Psalm 27:11

• “You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.” Psalm 73:24

• “This is what the LORD says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ Jeremiah 6:16

• “When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

• “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:5-6


Let God's Word infiltrate your life. God will change you. Stop blaming others and making excuses. We, alone, are responsible for how we act - and react - to situations. No one can make us do or act a specific way. Get to the point where you are tired of being unhappy because of what someone else is doing!

• “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:17

• “In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. James 2:17-18

• “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” James 1:22

• “Pay attention and turn your ear to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach,” Proverbs 22:17

• “Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge.” Proverbs 23:12

• ” turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— “ Proverbs 2:2


Always, always check your motives! God looks at your heart. Do not do anything out of selfishness or with expectations from anyone but God. He is the only one who promises never to let us down.

• “You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:2-3

• “And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. 1 Chronicles 28:9

• “All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD.” Proverbs 16:2

• “Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.” 1Corinthians 4:5


Let go, and let God. Disconnect yourself from your wayward spouse. Do not let what they do/don't do, say/don't say determine your own attitudes or emotions. You may have to do this many times, but make it a continuous surrender to His Will.

• ” being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

• ” And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

• “For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving,” 1Timothy 4:4

• “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

[job]

You have control over you and your situation only. Let go, allow God to have the wheel of your bus. Do not snatch it back.

Pull your scripture resources out when you are tempted to try to fix your h or his situation.

You've been give some powerful resources today.

[psalm46:10]

Funny too that my devotional today read very similarly- it is in our human-ness that we try to "fix" our own situation, in our own timing. God wants us to relinquish that control- as He is the only one with power over the situation!

I printed these out and will refer to them often!