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stillhopin #2218340 02/03/12 01:39 AM
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So, I'm not sure where she stands with the paperwork. Taking the advice of my coach, I said, I'm just not there yet. The decisions we make right now will have an impact on how well the kids adjust. And given she still feels angry with me and we're not at peace with each other (even though I'm being happy and trying to GAL, she acts cold, curt most of the time), so given that its not in the best interest of the kids for her to file and push the issue into telling the kids.
She'll either decide the intensive with michele on co-parenting is a good idea to solve those issues, go ahead and file, maybe find some local co-parenting counceling, or do nothing. Even though I know I can't do anything about it, I can't stop thinking about it, all while trying to GAL and focus on other things. It is so hard.

stillhopin #2218414 02/03/12 09:07 AM
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OMG. I just stumbled upon the proof of her affair. What do i do with this information? I want to call her out and leverage it for the counseling she refused to go for. unbelievable. Will this work?

stillhopin #2218417 02/03/12 09:20 AM
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You never know. When I found the proof of my H's affair, I waited a couple of days and thought about whether or not to confront him. In the end, I did confront him and he denied it. But I had proof, so he knew he was caught. It helped to end the lying. But it wasn't a quick turnaround.

Lotus #2218418 02/03/12 09:36 AM
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About a week after I confronted my H that I knew he was having an affair, we had a very bad argument. I thought our marriage was over, and I made a mental note to call a divorce lawyer the next day. But, what I said to my husband was, "I've heard of a program called Retrouvaille that helps people like us, who are on the verge of divorce. I think we should try it." And miraculously, he said yes. We both knew that unless we got help, we couldn't continue together, and even with help, we might not.

So I googled it on the internet and found the next weekend program in my area. And we went. It changed our lives! In just that one weekend, we found the people we had lost in the marriage. I recommend that you ask your wife to go to a Retrouvaille weekend with you. And read the latest post from Endeavour, where she tells the story of her reconciliation.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2218415#Post2218415

Lotus #2218744 02/04/12 05:43 AM
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Thanks Lotus. Well I managed to get a last minute call with my DB coach at 8:30 and i'm so glad i did. I would've confronted it pretty head on, made lots of threats and tried to move her to my way of thinking as a result - and i would have failed miserably. I ended up printing out some, not all, of what i had. Put a small note on the front saying, i had found the attached and was pretty hurt by it. And that we cold discuss it later when kids weren't around. Put in a big envelope with her name on it. She was out of the house and so I sent her a text to tell her there were documents i needed her to look at and that i would go get the kids from early out. Then I left. I wasn't there when she opened it but I got 4 or 5 text messages over about and hour. Interesting seeing the change in thought process, and I could just say little or nothing at all. Nice to do a major 180 (she would have expected me to totally confront her with that info), and to have some power in the conversation for a change. As it turns out she didn't bring up anytime after I got home today and left to go out with friends. So it's likely still evolving. I hope she's thinking about it and wondering what it cold mean. The real frustrating thing is that she thinks it's all ok because she did this stuff after telling me she wanted the divorce. The things she can justify right now is just amazing. There are so many contradictions and irrationality that blows me away. Tomorrow's another day so we'll see if it comes up, but at this point i'm being nonchalant and enjoying company of the kids. I plan on just keeping that up tomorrow and then on sunday she leaves (guess where, oh well). If anything more about it comes up I'll share it here. Oh, and she never did file the papers as far as I know. But when I do my affidavit to dispute her idea of a parenting plan, I plan on using all these emails to show that these actions are not action of someone i want taking care of my kids. I want them, and I would do 50/50 if it wasn't that she wants to move about 6 hours from here. If the pushes that then I'll push for full custody. I'll keep it updated here as often as I can.

stillhopin #2218840 02/04/12 10:06 PM
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How to keep the db'ing going?

Feeling really sad today. Having a hard time understanding, well everything. I'm mad about the affair, sad about her choices given our commitments to our marriage, to having a family, to everything we did together. And given all that I know in my heart I still love her. I will fight for my happiness and I'll fight forthe best possible outcome for my kids. Whilei I've always said that means keepng us all together, trying to DB today seems like an impossible and pointless effort. She's packing her bags for her trip tomorrow that includes her visit with the OM. And all the stiff she's thrown in my direction aboutwhat I've done to here, it's never been this. How do you DB in the face of hypocrisy, lies and

stillhopin #2218841 02/04/12 10:11 PM
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Oops. ... and false claims? Trying to find 180's and good attitudes? I feel like I'm missing something and I can't put my finger on it. Especially when the desire to try to reason our way through this is so strong.

stillhopin #2218843 02/04/12 10:23 PM
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Oops. ... and false claims? Trying to find 180's and good attitudes? I feel like I'm missing something and I can't put my finger on it. Especially when the desire to try to reason our way through this is so strong.

stillhopin #2218844 02/04/12 10:24 PM
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Oops. ... and false claims? Trying to find 180's and good attitudes? I feel like I'm missing something and I can't put my finger on it. Especially when the desire to try to reason our way through this is so strong.

stillhopin #2218845 02/04/12 10:24 PM
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Oops. ... and false claims? Trying to find 180's and good attitudes? I feel like I'm missing something and I can't put my finger on it. Especially when the desire to try to reason our way through this is so strong.

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