Hey, just wanted to let you know that my wife and I had a very similar conversation at one point. She even said the exact same thing, "I need to find myself and I can't do that with you." I got to the point where, if I was going to say anything at all, I pretty much stuck to the same line no matter how the conversation went. I told her that I understood her experience in the marriage was different than mine, and that I understood how she felt even if I disagreed with her decision. I also told her, however, that because it was HER decision, she was the one that was going to have to leave if we separated, and she was the one who was going to have to do the heavy lifting and orchestration of everything involved in a legal separation and divorce. I wasn't going to stop her, but I wasn't going to do the work for her either. Other than that, I gave her space, didn't question her comings and goings other than what was necessary for co-parenting, and remained pleasant and calm in all of our interactions. Obviously everyone's situation is unique, and what works in one won't necessarily work in another, but I thought I'd put that out there for your consideration.
H: 41 W: 35 M: 9 years T: 10 years S: 9 D: 7 ILYBINILWY & "I want a divorce": 6/22/2011 Piecing: 10/2011 Still going strong as of 4/2013
Rick - you are right, I find it difficult not to continue the R talk when she starts the conversation.
dearme - thanks for the words of encouragement, it seems like your situation is improving - I hope it continues and that I end up in a similar outcome.
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
All very quiet, got home from work last night - read to the girls before bed time. W had left me something to eat, which I did while she was watching some show.
We watched a show together then she went up to bed - didn't say goodnight. I went to bed 30 mins later, said "goodnight" and got no response. Definitely spent the night on different sides of the bed.
Suppose this is to be expected if she is filing this week (I know she's not yet had the opportunity to do so).
Oh well GAL tonight - Playing soccer then a few beers afterwards. Looking forward to it.
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
W looks like she has filed. I noticed a check going thru our joint account to the local court. Oh well - nothing I can do about her actions.
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
Barely saw the W over the weekend - she was working a lot and then I spent most of Sunday with the girls while she slept.
She never mentioned anything about writing a check for the court for whatever reason and nor did I.
She went out last night with some girlfriends - came home @ 12:30 - D6 woke up at 12:00 (she's been feeling ill), and woke me up - I gave her some medicene and she said "where's mummy?" - I told her she was out with friends. I stupidly made a comment when my W came home about how it would be nice for her to stay at home every now and then instead of being in bars when the girls need her. God I'm an idiot - yeah Peter, that's going to save your R.
GAL activity tonight - going to the Jets vs Dolphins game and will be staying over at a friend's place. Won't see W and girls until tomorrow night.
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
It's the secrets... isn't it, NYC... The LBS always wonders, although we are working for the M and anything our spouse does to move away from the M will feel bad... why keep secrets... the lies add to the pain of the abandonment...
I'd suspect your guess is right and she filed, but then again...
At least you have reason to believe that some time in the future you may receive papers... at least you can prepare yourself to some degree...
I'm actually a Dolphins fan - started watching the game when Marino was in his pomp.
Re: the papers - she hasn't said anything and I haven't received anything. Am I prepared? As prepared as I can be I guess.
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
Hi Accuray - I'm alive and kicking (unlike the Dolphins as witnessed on Monday night).
No real news - I haven't received any papers, I haven't asked my W about them and she hasn't mentioned them. If they are re: filing, not sure how long they would take. I'm prepared for the worst and will be pleasant, cordial but also show that I don't agree with the action she has taken.
My W called a couple of times just general chats on Monday was very pleasant - then was cold when I got home last night. I focused on the girls until I read to them and put them to bed. We then watched a show together but minimal conversation.
Still sleeping in the same bed but no physical contact, I always say a pleasant "good night" when I get to bed (usually 10-15 mins after her) and barely get a response. I'm lying there thinking "you can have this incredible body (well incredible for a slightly overweight, balding 47 year old with an English accent)...". Actually I've always had a bit of a self-esteem issue when it comes to women - I've never really seen why anything so beautiful could be attracted to me.
It's my soccer night tonight - but game has been called off due to rain, oh well... having a few beers and staying at a friend's apartment.
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
