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alone #2242790 05/04/12 05:00 AM
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Just jotting down my feelings at this time. I am feeling a lot of insecurities at this time. I feel that they are all on my part. It is just so close to the time that my husband left. Mothers day night is when it all happened. I do not want to celebrate it all I want to do is run away. Far away. I just remember what I thought was a normal day and then 29 years of marriage poof gone. I just want strength to do the right thing and not let my defenses kick in trying to protect myself. From what I do not know my husband has been great. I am the one that keeps looking for things. I do not want to be caught of guard again. I do not know when you can say you have reconciled when one person (me) is afraid and can not fully trust. I hope that one day I will be able to but for now I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure nothing is creeping up on me that I do not suspect.

One day I hope that all of this is behind me and feel like I did before.


M 48
H 51
Married 30
S 29
D 28
GD 5
GS 17 months
Sep May 2011
H home 8-18-11
alone #2242816 05/04/12 11:25 AM
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Have you and your H ever gone to a MC after everything happened?

What you're going through is called a "trigger". It's similar to post traumatic stress disorder that soldiers go through. Certain things will set you off and send your emotions out of wack. It could be a date, a song, a restaurant, etc.

Your H needs to continually make you feel safe. If you still aren't feeling it, then I would suggest you both go to MC so that the both of you learn what it takes to make each other feel safe and trusting.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
MrBond #2282139 09/20/12 04:06 AM
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It has been a little over over a year since we have been piecing our marriage back together. It has been an great improvement from the last couple of years that we had together. But there has been set backs and things that I am not sure of anymore. I used to think that we would be together until we died. Now I can not say that I hope that one day that I can. I belief that my husband really wants this marriage to last. He is always showing me how much that he cares about me and that he wants me to be happy. It is me. I need to be able to except all that great things that are going on in our marriage, but I keep thinking about the bad times and how I can trust that he really wants this marriage. Every thing he does and says is that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with. I just can't see this anymore. I do love him and hope that we can make this marriage last a lifetime. I guess the hurt that I have been through has made me question everything in my marriage.

I hope that other people that are working on piecing their marriage back together, knows that it is not an easy thing even when both of you are committed. It takes time to gain the trust again. Just keep moving forward in your life for yourself and your family.

I hope that I am able to forgive totally and move on. I want to be back to where I believed that we are going to be together forever.


M 48
H 51
Married 30
S 29
D 28
GD 5
GS 17 months
Sep May 2011
H home 8-18-11
alone #2282620 09/21/12 04:26 PM
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Thanks for the update! Sorry you're still struggling, but it's understandable. We work so hard to get our spouses back that we don't really address the underlying issues of whether or not we can trust them until after they've returned, then suddenly all the questions come bubbling to the surface. Are you in MC? If not, that might be a good idea. You probably won't be able to resolve your trust and forgiveness issues on your own. You might also check into Retrovaille, from what I've read it does wonders for communication and a lack of trust can be a direct result of a lack of good communication. Good luck!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
alone #2284796 09/29/12 01:47 PM
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It is great that he is telling you that he loves you. I understand your frustration with the sitch your in. Once the trust is broken it is hard to see things the way you saw them before. His comments are a great tell that things are better. My W used to tell me she loved me all the time and I had trouble with it, but after her infidelity, she still can't bring herself to say it to me. She still just says 'I know' when I say it.
Trust is hard, but remember that if you are doing everything that you can do and he still betrays you, then the guilt is on him and it will all come out in the end. Breath and keep your virtues in mind.

icDude #2285149 10/01/12 12:20 PM
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I'm also a big fan of Retro. It is faith-based, but you do not need to be Catholic. The process has helped many couples find their way back. Perhaps some IC for you if you have not previously looked into it.


Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse
S:22, S:19, D:16
Filed Oct 08, dismissed
Filed again Jan 10, dismissed
Now Piecing
alter persona: SuperBoots
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