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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
A few years ago, when I was an "Emotional Dumpster Fire"
I came upon Michelle's "Ten New Year's Resolutions" for DB'ers.
They helped me somewhat, so I thought I'd post them.

1. Envision positive outcomes

There is no way that you can begin to accomplish positive change your marriage if you don't believe it is possible. Start by imagining what your life will be like when your marriage truly turns a corner. The more you can picture every detail, the easier it will be to eventually step into this picture at some later date.

2. Act as if you expect miracles to occur

Once you can imagine positive outcomes, reflect on how you will be behaving differently when they happen. Then start doing that right now!

3. Be kind, even if you think your spouse doesn't deserve it

You may be angry, disappointed, or even devastated by your spouse's choices and actions. However, rather than react to unsettling behavior, assume your spouse is lost and confused. Be patient, kind and steady and your efforts will pay off.

4. Focus on small, positive changes

Don't expect big changes overnight or you will be disappointed and it will make it hard to stay on track. Imagine the smallest change possible that would signal a shift in how things have been going. Then focus on that.

5. Promise yourself this will be a great year, no matter what

You can not control what your spouse does, but you can control what you decide to do with yourself and your children , if you have them. Take a deep breath and envision how you are going to make this a good year regardless of your spouse's choices.

6. Exercise your worry away

The most popular New Year's Resolution is to join a health club and exercise to become more fit. That is well and good. For you, exercise will be a lifesaver. It will help to assuage worries, feel good about yourself and increase feel-good hormones like endorphins. Go for it!

7. Do one new thing you enjoy

Don't become stale just because you are having a shaky time in your marriage. Novelty will stimulate your brain and maybe even your heart and help you have a more positive outlook about the future.

8. Make sure you have quality time with your children or other loved ones. Be present.

Many times, when people are teetering on the brink of divorce, their pain makes them become self-absorbed and staying the moment becomes and challenging task. You will never be able to do your children's childhood again, so do your best to be with them mentally when you're with them.

9. If you get off track, get back on quickly without self-blame

What separates the winners from the losers is not whether or how many times you get off track, it's how rapidly you get back on track. If you've veered from the Divorce Busting plan, hop right back on track without self-recrimination.

10. Do activities that help you rediscover serenity

Meditate, pray, hike in the mountains or watch a sky full of shooting stars. On a regular basis, do whatever it takes to bring you back to yourself. You and everyone around will benefit from your peacefulness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE !!
Love, Pic.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Member
OP Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Just wanna jot down a couple things I noticed before I forget.

XW has been a lot "friendlier" this past month and I sensed no tension in the house over Christmas. We've even had company over a couple evenings like in the old days.

The other day we were in the kitchen, and I don't recall how the subject came up but she said, all her girlfirends are asking her if I am dating anyone. I simply responded, "Why would they wanna know that?" ('cause I am obviously not) Then again maybe it's not obvious ?? Anywho, that ended the convo right there. What do you folks think, fishing ??

The other thing that caught me off guard a little was the kiss of peace at midnight mass. Depending on if one or both kids are between us we shake hands or I give her a peck on the cheek. This time, I distinctly felt her move so that the corners of our lips touched. Maybe that was just accidental, I don't know.

Funny thing is: I've had such a time getting past the D and trying to move ahead, that this stuff bothers me and I'd rather not have to think about it, 'cause I'm just not ready for anything relationshipwise - that's why I'm not dating. Relationships are stressful!

Anywho: that's my journal entry for December.

My prayrers continue for all of you.
Pic.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Canoe'k-land
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Canoe'k-land
fishing...

be well, pic...

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Member
OP Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
WTF is she up to?

A few weeks ago I was sitting at the computer and XW came in from being out with her girlfriends, she comes over and puts one hand on my back (like a sister) and rubs a little. Since the bomb we NEVER ever touch unless absolutely necessary. It felt like she was feeling sorry for me or something.

It was a few days later she asked about the dating in my last post.

So we're at friends house new years eve and after midnight we were alone in front of a fire pit and she puts one arm around me (again buddy style) and says "You're a good man." I responded off the cuff (cought off guard really) "I don't think like one."

Anyway, I know she's not out of her fog or whatever, but I get the impression she sees me not chasing skirts and is either taking pity or realizing some kind of remorse, IDK.

I don't like it - it get's me wondering and thinking about her, when I'd rather occupy my thoughts with something else. Dammmit!
Help me out here. Does this sound familiar to anyone?


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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