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Well my thread's locked.
Link to last page:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...662#Post2181662


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
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I hope I spelled "deux" right.

Well something I have been apprehensive about is rearing it's ugly head.

As some of you know, we're Catholic.
The church doesn't recognize civil divorce.
(They're not against it in cases of abuse or whatever, but that's a different story)

Today for the first time XW decides not to go to mass.
I usually serve at an early one and everyone else sleeps in till noon. They've been going, either at noon or at 5:00 PM or 6:00 PM.

This afternoon goes by and I have to raise the subject. At the last minute 5:45 PM she did encourage D17 to take S12, but her example is obviously negative.

I completely understand her placing little importance on church after all that's happened, but our D settlement agreement says we're to agree on the religious upbringing of the kids. I'm not sure how to approach her about this. S12 still has to make his confirmation next year.

Am I making a big deal of this? What if she tells D17 it's "optional", since she herself is quite willing to blow off Sunday mass. You all know teenagers! The correct teaching for us is it is an "obligation", unless you have some legit excuse, like you're homebound or something. I've been kind of expecting this and don't know what to do.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 672
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Posts: 672
Pickle,
first, I want to be upfront that this 'advice/idea' is coming from a non-religious person. However, it's applicable for pretty much any situation.

My take is that you cannot control the thoughts, ideas or actions of anyone, especially (X)W. No matter what your D agreement says, that is a very hard boundary to enforce.

I understand how important it is to you for both you and your kids. My assumption is that your kids have been a part of the church most if not all their lives. Given this, and given that they will at some point leave the house for their own lives, I think it might be best to be encouraging but let them figure it out for themselves (at least D17). I think that if you try to force the issue, it will be more disrupting than your current sitch. If you've set a good example, I think things will work out well.

It's a thorny issue and I wish you luck with it.

Oh, I think it's spelled 'dos' by the way smile


Me 43 W 38
M 5 T 7
SD20
S15, S13 with 1st W
ILYBNILWY June 2010
Separation/Bomb July 2010
Divorce Feb 8, 2011
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LP - In French, it's "deux" and it it means "two", so if Pickle was going au francais, he's on the money.


H: 39, Me: 37
SD: 18, S: 7
M: 9, T: 10
"I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11
Discovered online affair - 7/11
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Posts: 672
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une femme, je parle francais un peu (but for the life of me never remember where the accents go) smile


Me 43 W 38
M 5 T 7
SD20
S15, S13 with 1st W
ILYBNILWY June 2010
Separation/Bomb July 2010
Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 578
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Offline
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Posts: 578
heeheee, une femme!


H: 39, Me: 37
SD: 18, S: 7
M: 9, T: 10
"I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11
Discovered online affair - 7/11
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
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It's funny.
My niece just got married on Saturday in a small town in the south of France.
I couldn't afford to go (obviously).


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
I
Member
OP Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Went to confession on Thursday.
This is weird.
Told Fr. I was occasionally struggling with bitterness
(not all the time mind you, just every now and then)
He said I was still grieving. (WTF?)
I didn't argue, said my pennance, but I don't get it.
I've let it go. I really have. Dropped the rope.
Moving forward. How can I be grieving?
Yeah it still hurts. Frack me, it's been an pretty traumatic year.
But damn, you have to accept reality.
And I have. Damn it, I'm done grieving!
Frack!

PS> Love Battlestar Galactica


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Journal:

Yesterday XW calls me at work.
Says her GF's (with whom she goes to Jags games with) H had a heart attack over the weekend and died, suddenly and unexpectedly. Asked me to keep her in my prayers.
"Ok," didn't know what else to say.

I've been trying to keep up with reading some other people's threads when I have the time. But the more I read of all the pain and struggles and being in limbo and MLCers and WAS's and LBS's the more I sense a littlt peace that I am at least 90% done with all that sh!t.

Yesterday's news makes me wonder though. And I shouldn't. My kids are so fortunate they have their mother. But personally for me, is it easier to move past the death of a loved one, than to endure the rejection and betrayal of having divoce forced upon you? These are the kinds of thoughts that creep in from time to time, especially when your roommate, inadvertantly touches a raw nerve.

I still have issues (as I confessed earlier) but at least I have some concrete things to look forward to. Some of you on this forum, don't even know what's around the next corner. I'll keep you in my prayers too.

Pickle


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
XW is really stressing about the job sitch.
Cobra has run out and so have her AD's.
Now she still has her settlement money.
But I worry she's going to try and go cold turkey.
IDK, she should consult with her DR.

Yesterday was her friend's H's funeral.
I wonder if she'll go to the Jags game today. No matter.

I read an interesting post earlier by someone, somewhere about how sometimes a WAS with emotional issues will wind up with a similar OP who they think "get's them" and mistakes the emotionally stable LBS as out of touch. I recognize possible patterns in my XW. So can someone link me to that please?
Want to read it again.

Had a thought I'd like to share.

"Don't confuse forgiveness with insanity."

Forgiveness is letting bygones be bygones and no longer holding something against someone.

Insanity is making yourself vulnerable to another person's crazyness all over again.

Careful...
Love to all,
Pic.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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