So anyway... Thanks guys for your letter edits! Having our son for two weeks more than outweighs the cost & time of flying both of us out to SC just to drop him off. Now I just hope my wife seriously considers the plan.
let me post here too, b/c I think I posted on your other soon to be closed, thread.
Good luck. (See my other post if you want, it's a tad longer).
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
To answer your question, 25: I was trying to be compromising with the situation, which however brings me to the latest in the unfolding drama of the week. My wife sent me this email only a few minutes ago (in response to my monthly bill, but not regarding the request for an extra night with our son, or the SC trip...yet):
"Alamo, In response to your e mail I would like for you to consider a few issues. I am and have been a medical student. I worked two jobs when we were in Abilene, TX. to support us but my medical studies have prevented me from working and producing income. One of the issues during our marriage has been your lack of interest in working and producing income to support us. You even told me that we have to keep E in a daycare so he would not hinder you perusing a job while you were unemployed. Part of the large debt that I personally incurred during our marriage have been to support us and keeping E in a day care. You even went as far as using my government loans to support your parents in Malaysia and make payments on the house you bought back there. That amount is about $4205.00.Although I paid E’s daycare up until separation and paid half up till now I would ask you to pay for the entire amount you have requested. You claim having a job and income which I will not have either until next year sometime. Even if I could pay for entire amounts you requesting the phone termination is your responsibility since you where a rider on my cell phone plan. Toll road fees are simply off set by one of the times you did not work nor received unemployment and I again had to use my school loans to provide you with toll fees. By taking care of this bill you will demonstrate some responsibility offsetting fraction of my college loans that took care of you and your family.
Please reply to me about this and any other issues I have wrote to you in writing.
Wife"
First off, and I say it again (and again), I did not put a gun to her head to get her to use school loans to help my family (who were having financial issues); she was as much in the decision to use the money for those stated reasons as much as I was.
I agree she has a significant amount of debt, but it's interesting she doesn't calculate the part that her peers/classmates, even the married ones whose spouses bring in more income than we ever did, have the same, if not MORE debt than she has. She doesn't see or appreciate the fact that we did pretty good considering that I had no work numerous times, and even when I did, my income was entry-level. We survived by being frugal and careful, mostly thanks to her amazing bookkeeping skills and my stinginess.
I also think that this email from her is perhaps part of the fireworks everyone has been talking about. I mean, it's odd that up to last month, she didn't mind paying for our son's daycare, or toll charges. And the cell phone cancelling fee is for HER phone. She changed over to her parent's family plan after getting a new phone 5 or 6 months ago (and essentially renewing her contract).
All that said, is she giving me an opening here? "Demonstrate some responsibility", she said. Or is she deflecting her own financial responsibility?
No siree bob. Per my post on 8/17, I have to contact my lawyer this morning to move forward with reaching out to my wife (via her lawyer) and informing her about the possibility of invoking an automatic child restraining order to keep our son in the state. Unless she's willing to compromise and work with me.
On another, yet similar note, I have been thinking more about my wife's letter that I posted above. I think (a) she's pissed and is trying to put up another defense wall, (b) she has so little respect for me to the point that she thinks I "claim having a job and income" and that she truly still lives in the past, or (c) she's digging herself into a hole by refusing to pay bills that she has been paying since she moved out (essentially signifying an agreement with her responsibility with certain aspects of the bills) - wouldn't the courts look down on this as well?
I don't know the exact legals of it all, but I would imagine whatever happened financially while you were together is irrelevant to the current situation. Don't let her guilt you.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
