If you want to read a book. Have you read Passionate Marriage. I think that might really appeal to your analytical side and fairly directly address your situation.
That's a good point DNO - Passionate Marriage is heavy and I was thinking of it in terms of is it a book that you, CL, are ready for in terms of how you understand sexuality - but DNO is right - it's a good academic tomb and if that's what appeals to you it would be a great place to start.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Yes, read Passionate Marriage, Or Intimacy and Deisre or any articles of Schnarch you can get your hands on.
I respect every person has a different learning speed, different maturing speed, different pace. All this time I am wondering if your wife will stick around until you are ready to take the next step. There is no real Marriage without sex. As a woman, that has faced the non desire phase, I can tell you, it was verrrrrrry painful. Kalni
What is the worst thing that can happen if you man up and Love your wife?
And what's with your screen name? Concerned? how about Open Listener, or Listening to my spirt or Masculine Man or Super Stud. Envision the man you want to be and make a step towards being that man every day.
CL - remake yourself. You are unhappy and angst ridden and I'm very surprised your wife has stuck around this long. She must be in a lot of pain - and you obviously are too.
Blessings. V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
I know, and I do understand -- a longtime SSM here myself.
I suggest this: combine the two thoughts. DO pray, but instead of asking God to "improve my marriage," pray for Him to "help me lose my fear, and do what I need to do to improve my marriage."
If you want to read a book. Have you read Passionate Marriage. I think that might really appeal to your analytical side and fairly directly address your situation.
You were SO close. With one decisive, manly act, you could have put your marriage back on track. Not solved everything. but I bet made 2 years dancing lessons worth of progress in 30 minutes.
I could use some help, could sound to her like, "Your not appealing enough for me to get it up."
As always, good luck
I need some ideas. A book is always a good next step for me. Someone commented that a book isn't self-help but allowing yourself to be helped by someone else. I'll order a copy of Passionate Marriage. I need some professional ideas. I haven't had much luck with therapy helping me or us.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL do you get horney? Do you feel attracted to women? Is being more sexual something you want for yourself? Or is it just about the marriage?
I would also make the point, that to remain in a marriage, without respecting and investing in your obligations to all aspects of it, including your wife’s innate human right to intimacy within that covenant, seems selfish and very, very cold.
I do get sexually aroused. I probably masturbate weekly (which I should stop). I enjoy looking at attractive women. I would like to be more sexual.
Ouch. You're right.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Yes, read Passionate Marriage, Or Intimacy and Deisre or any articles of Schnarch you can get your hands on.
I respect every person has a different learning speed, different maturing speed, different pace. All this time I am wondering if your wife will stick around until you are ready to take the next step.
My next step will be to read Passionate Marriage. I like the progress we've made the past two years, but we can't stay in sexual limbo. We'll drift back into problems, that will end the M, and undo the progress made.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Why should you stop masturbating weekly? Unless your trying to save up your bullets for the real thing. I do so much masturbating it's a wonder I don't have tennis elbow AND I have sex with my wife. Nothing wrong with it. It hurts no one.
Quote:
Someone commented that a book isn't self-help but allowing yourself to be helped by someone else.
So? Take the help where you find it. Life is hard and short. From what I know of you, this book will be perfect for you.
Go get 'em tiger. You are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO close.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
your wife?