Snod, Maybe not. Regardless, a lot can happen in a year.
Not a lot of people marry multiple years into what started as an affair, because all the crazy lovey-dovey stuff is over and reality is there to stare in the face.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
When I first read your post of what the ow said in front of your D, my thought was it was inappropriate, yes, no big surprise there. Second thought, why the year 2013? I mean the their R has been going on for quite a while, right?
It may have been something she pulled out randomly to explain why they're not married yet or maybe something XH threw out there to shut her up. Far enough away so he doesn't have to hear about it for a while.
Who knows? One thing I can attest to is that if you sit quietly like Snodderly says, the answers do come. You'll have time to figure out how to handle it with your children with the grace and dignity just like you've handled everything thing else, no matter what happens.
My ex's OW is very manipulative and insecure. She knows my daughter tells me everything. She knows ex has been coming over and spending time with me. She has been demanding they marry and constantly says to ex, "what about me"?.......
I have thought she said this to my daughter to get to me, but who knows for sure. She is dying to be a Mrs. and I think the fact that he has not married her is very telling. It has been 5 years since they have been seeing each other, and 4 years since our divorce.
What I find very interesting with my ex's OW is that she has not developed any type of relationship with my kids. They don't do anything together. She is just there when ex does things with the kids. She does not really talk with them or tell them she cares for them or anything. There is no connection.
When ex first left me the first thing they did was talk about getting married. They were looking at rings and wedding dresses. Nothing became of that. I don't think ex wants to marry her, but he is caught between a rock and a hard place.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, Yes, your xh is caught between a rock and a hard place. She may be pushing the marriage, but time will tell if your xh will step up to the plate. This woman just might push so hard, that the entire situation may go the other way....out the door! She is really trying to pin your xh down and you are right...she is very insecure because she is very much aware of the time that he has been spending w/you. OP get very territorial when this happens.
I'm so sorry that your child had to hear that conversation. I still think it was intentional and what adult would do such a thing in front of child is quite mind boggling and very selfish and immature. I'm sure your your child was upset by the conversation, and quite frankly, who wouldn't be?
I do hope that things will settle down and there are no more conversations such as this in front your child.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You won't ever be able to really tell what is going on over there with them. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the deal was with ex and the other. Point it, speculate as I did... I still don't really know anything other than what my kids tell me or what I hear anecdotally from eyewitnesses (lol).
You will find out in due time. Just continue to prepare yourself either way in the interim. As for how the others feel ... think about it, they have spent an inordinate amount of time trying to build up "a play play world" whose foundation is composed of lies, deception, falsehoods and misdeeds ... I imagine that it takes a lot to look at yourself in the mirror everyday and feel ok. Given that, they struggle to drag others into their misery. Let her lie in her own insecurities and move ahead as you are with your life...
I just know that I cannot be on the front line of my ex's misery. I don't want to live my life that way. I forget that sometimes, but all i need is to spend 10 minutes with him and I realize that I was lucky to get out when I did. One has to be in a lot of pain to cause/create all the pain that they give. It is no excuse though for what they do.
My ex is a traveler (runner) from all his pain. He has been on 50+ trips since our divorce. The last trip he went on was a couple of months ago to Hawaii with OW. He texted me to tell me he would not be able to have the kids that week. I texted him back, "have a good trip, but don't you get tired of running"? He has not taken a trip since which is unusual since he goes on 2-3 per month. I just hope a little bit is sinking in his thick head. He is seeking external happiness and not finding it.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, Your xh is a conflict avoider, thus the running. Until he hits that brick wall very hard and comes up dazed w/stars floating around, he will not realize that happiness comes from within. Your comment about the trips and running may have given him something to think about, but only for a short period of time. He may now be looking for some other avenue to make him happy...only time will tell on that one.
For now, step away from his madness and enjoy the time you spend w/your family. I still believe that if you sit quietly, news will begin go drop in your lap.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for all the insights. I do plan to just sit back and watch. There is nothing else I can do in this situation. You can't make this stuff up...
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
