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I am new. This is only my 2nd post.

My wife and I have been separated now for a little over a month. It seems that divorce is almost a for sure thing. She is so dead set on it. She says the reason she has not filed is because she doesn't have the money yet.

She really just doesn't seem to care anymore. She just doesn't.

We have two beautiful girls ages 4 1/2 and 2. She says that our 2 year old won't remember the divorce and she thinks our 4 year old will be just fine.

Does anyone know of any info about the effects divorce has on children. A very realistic look. Not one that makes it overly terrible or not terrible. I'm just looking for the reality of it. I want to know what our kids are in for. They are so so sweet. I am so close with my 4 year old and I grow closer with my 2 year old all the time.

My wife says she is generally so much happier now that I am gone. How can I argue with that?

I will say this. She is not the sweet woman I married anymore. She has stopped attending church (used to be very religious). She just seems like she is rebelling. I'm not saying everyone needs to go to church. Just that the sweet woman I once married is gone. Like her heart has hardened.

How can I have hope when I see none?

I swear our relationship is repairable.

I don't know you guys. It seems like divorce is imminent.

One thing I have not done is totally let go.

Is there something important about that? It seems I have read that there is. I still think about her way too much and I swear it is not healthy.

She rarely communicates with me anymore. Only when she has to. She rarely returns a text or email. And only calls if she wants something from me, like for me to watch the kids or to do her some sort of favor.

I don't know you guys. I am so grateful for marriage. I believe it is so important. It is after all the family unit.

I can just kind of peer into the future and see our kids being sent back and forth numerous times, being confused by who we are dating, we now have different views of spirituality and religion. It is such a mess!

I pray to God daily. I know not everyone believes in God but I do. He is my hope. My Rock.

Friends please help! Share your wisdom!

Maybe sometimes there is nothing we can do?

I can in my own mind visually see us working things out. But this is just in my head. She has 0 desire to work anything out.

If anyone wants any more info feel free to read my first post or I can paste it on this thread.

I love her so much. I have such a huge desire to be a better Husband and Father. Anyways...

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See: "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study "
Judith S. Wallerstein (Author), Sandra Blakeslee (Author), Julia M. Lewis (Author)


BITS
Me-51, WAS-52
Kids 2
M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013
Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice.
Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
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Thank you!

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I am a returning member. I was in your same situation last year. Lost, confused, hurt, grabed whatever I could read, tried everthing in vain. Caught my wife in affair, she did not want to give up the relationship with the OM. We have three young kids. Long story short, in fall of last year, i went completely dark on her... gave up trying. I held my end of the respondsibility (paid bills, mortage...). But I got on with my life, GAL. Moved out to my parents house. 3 months later... she calls me back crying for me to come home (this was in Feb).

I said, hell no to her. After what she put me through. I enjoyed my single life. Her OM didn't pan out the way she had hoped (made empty promises to her). I continued to enjoy life and while she was stuck watching the kids.

Fast forward to this summer and I started to work on forgiving. I started to talk to her more often. I saw that she was remorseful and felt the pain of her actions. I too have changed in my ways.

In the past 3-4 weeks, we started doing things as a couple and family again. It feels great again to have my wife back and my family back. The whole drama had to unfold and work itself out - literally within a year span.

There is still more work that we both must do to maintain our relationship, but one day at a time.

I know what you are going through right now, as I have been there! Give her space, dont follow her around. She needs to go through her range of emtions and issues. Work on yourself. I know its tough... really tough. Find a local support group (like Divorse Recovery). I was looking at the brink of divorse several times (even saw a few lawers).... but I held on.

Hang in there!


Bomb: 6/17
Me: H - W w/EA - M: 12y - 3 young kids
Ex W to MIL, her bro, 2 of her gf, sister - 6/23 (2 more gf - 9/9)
Ex OM, to S.Sergeant 8/10; to Inspector Gen. & his CO 8/16; Lt. Commander 9/16
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Hi reachforthelight,
Im know how you feel also. My W has told me the some of the same things. Like the only time she is unhappy is when Im here, or sleeping in seperate bedrooms doesnt bother her in the least bit, but feels bad about the example we are setting for our son.I caught my W in an EA affair and she told me it had no effect on repairing our marriage
She does still answer phone calls and text, and treats me with some respect, and we are still doing things as a family and at times thing seem normal. But she still says she doesnt Lv me as she should and she cant see it coming back and doesnt want to try or work on it.
I too am a firm believer in God as is she, and in this crisis I have grown much closer to God.. This has been really tough also because she has worked at finding ways to interpret scripture to justify the way she feels, which is very disheartening as im sure you know.
What I do know is that Im a changed man for the better and that Im praying for guidance at least 2x a day and for God to soften her heart also. Just like you, I know our marriage can be better than ever, given the chance, but i also believe God lets us make our own decisions and we can choose the wrong way of doing things. I also know God keeps telling me not to give up and keep loving her, although its not getting any easier. Keep praying and hang in there

Me 42
WAW 41
S 12
M 22 yrs

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Friends I will tell you something. First of all it feels so very very good to not be in this alone!

Secondly WE CANNOT GIVE UP. If we have hope and the desire to repair what has been broke. The desire to turn to God, or hope, or whatever it is for you. DO NOT GIVE UP.

I pray to God almost daily to soften her heart. I love her so much and our two beautiful girls so much! They are two beautiful blondes only 4 1/2 and 2. I love them so much.

My oldest cried the other day for like a 1/2 hour saying she missed mommy, then she said she missed me. Then she said she missed mommy and daddy TOGETHER! It broke my heart my friends.
We must be strong and work it out.

WE MUST HAVE WHAT SEEMS LIKE ENDLESS PATIENCE

I think it is worth it though. Even if my wife decides in the end to divorce, I CAN SAY WITH CLEAN CONSCIENCE I DID ALL I CAN DO.

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Do you think all this PMA came before or after the little intimate time you two shared?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

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