Hope

[Barkley]

Hello Everyone,

It has been awhile since I've been here, but I thought I'd stop by for somw words of encouragement for those of you who are in the whole divorce mess. It's been just over a year since I was served divorce papers. I was divorced in December 2010 after 14 years of marriage and 18 years togethor. I had tried divorcebusting for 6 months or so prior to being served when I found out my marriage was in trouble. It didn't work for me, but may work for some. The fact is, that she was already checked out of the marriage and I never had a chance.
That's all history though....

The point of this post is that no matter what happens, whether DB works for you or not, when you get through all of this, you will be a stronger, happier person. It may seem like the ordeal will never end, but it will. I thought my life was ending during my divorce and that my children were going to be forever scarred. They are doing GREAT! and I am happier than ever! I only communicate with my ex regarding the children. we are cordial and have them in our best interest. I have zero interest in her life otherwise. Ya'll hang in there as it WILL get better for you. I beleive GOD has a plan for everyone.

Cheers

[~¤DG¤~]

Thank you for the support.
If my h & I do divorce, it will be my 2nd divorce.
I know that no matter what happens eventually I will be ok and happy again, it just stinks I'm in this place again.

[hoswald]

Rationally, I realize this... and I can see a lot of that already; I'm making more friends, I'm doing fun things, I'm seeing lots of opportunities.

It's not a question of being happy; I know that's coming (particularly after things are final and maintenance is over, etc). It's that I've completely lost faith in the institution of marriage and my ability to trust deeply is so heavily damaged I just can't picture opening up to someone like that again.

But thanks for the positive prognosis. Everyone and their brother is telling me the same thing--that in time this may be one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Losing my lover, my best friend, and half my assets, that's pretty hard to see from here.

[~¤DG¤~]

Hoswald I can relate to what you are saying.
I also had lost faith in marriage after my D from my 1st H.
Even though I know that we were too young to be married in the first place, it still tainted my view and I always said that to my H.

Looking back, I probably sabotaged myself by thinking so negatively.

[A_goodman]

Bark,

It is damn good to see you here. I am still following your lead. Haven't been here in months and months. Actually fell off the planet for a while. Oh, and I got served this week. actually came here to see if all my old posts were still up so I could get all my facts straight. Maybe i'll write a book.

Anyway, I miss you and Dan and Puppy and all the others who I became tight with. I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. I know it was really rough because I remember what you went through and I'm living the end game now. You guys helped me have hope and also change my thinking so that I could survive this crap and become a better man. Glad to hear that life on the other side is good. I'm ready for the good times.

You other newbies listen to the man. He was a veteran here and knows what you're going through. And keep posting. the friends you make here may make all the difference. win or lose, you need the support AND the objectivity the others will give you.

Bark, we should get together and celebrate our new lives. OK isn't that far away and I have some free time.

Cheers! AG out

[Starsky309]

Goodman,

I will tell Puppy you were looking for him. We're pretty tight.

Bark, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but happy that you sound strong. The "dirty little secret" about these marital websites is that by the time most people find their way here, their marriages are dead-men-walking, and the success rates are low. But some DO make it, and getting this kind of help (and self-help) does give you the best chance of saving a marriage.

Also, as you and Goodman and others will note, if you save YOURSELF in the process, it ain't a bad deal at all. You can then apply that "new you" to a brand-spanking-new relationship, or you might end up one of the 20% or so that ends up back with your spouse, somewhere down the road, when you're both more emotionally healthy. Either way, such "new-and-improved" people almost always report that the new marriage is better than ever.

Starsky

[A_goodman]

Starsky?

Great tag line man. Please tell our mutual friend that I think of him often and still have that Opus X in the bottom of the humidor for him. I should very much like to give it to him one day.

I'm not sure, but I think he moved on to another site. Is he still there? I tried to make the jump, but my sitch was spireling down and I just didn't have it in me anymore. Not that I didn't fight it til the end. It's just that I couldn't take any more focusing on it 24-7. It was making me miserable. I didn't realize that until the blow-up here hapened. The dead time made me realize that I was being led by life and my sitch instead of driving my life. After that, I tried to forge some moments of peace to re-charge every day I did make a good lot of changes. And more importantly, I was true to myself, I took the lessons of DB to heart and fought the good fight for my kids right up to the day she left. I can hold my head high and look myself in the mirror.

I do feel bad for withdrawing from this world of people who helped me stand on my own feet. They were a lifeline and I felt honored to call them friends. Hopefully, if I track them down, they will understand and accept me back into the fold.

Since you know him so well, please pass this last message on to him:




Bark, if you are still out there, God speed amigo.

[Starsky309]

Goodman, something tells me you're going to be just fine.


Starsky (yeah, chicks dig the red Gran Torino )

[Barkley]

Well AG! I'm sorry to hear that things have not worked out in saving your marriage. That said, it is good that things are finally coming to a head. Limbo is the worst part of the whole deal. Anyway , hang in there.......when this is all said and done, you will be a much happier, better person. I am proof

[idontunderstand]

Barkley -

This is my first post on here in months. Don't you feel special?

Glad to hear you are doing well. My W just moved out on Sunday. It is taking some getting used to, of course, and I miss my kids but I do not miss the constant negativity coming from her.

I somehow became one of those long-timers who was too afraid of being on my own and drawing healthy boundaries with my W. It's a recipe for failure.

However, as you pointed out -

Limbo is the worst part of the whole deal.

Amen, brother!

.......when this is all said and done, you will be a much happier, better person. I am proof.

Yep. Let it all go. The pain and confusion. Relax. When you do that - ta-da!!! - you find yourself, again.

Anyway, it's good to hear from you and glad you and the kids are doing well.

Take care.

IDU