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Yea I am around.


Relax
Eat
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Act normal
React.. Smartly.
Do something different.
Emulate.
Do Work.

Lets get "RETARDED" in here.


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Well FB2 no she did not cheat again persay she just never fully took responsibility for her actions. She dismissed my questioning of her actions. I will try and get an update in tonight. Right now I am posting from my phone and enjoying some time with my son by the pool.


Relax
Eat
Think
Act normal
React.. Smartly.
Do something different.
Emulate.
Do Work.

Lets get "RETARDED" in here.


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I'm glad to see you Forest , even if it's not the greatest place to be. Hugs to you.


BITS
Me-51, WAS-52
Kids 2
M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013
Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice.
Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
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"So, any success yet?"

Defining success in these moments is hard FB2. Just like you it is not a place I wanted to be. It has been both exciting and nerve wracking. There are days when I am totally happy and loving life and there are days when I miss the security my mind seems to think I had.

I love my new place. It is convenient to work and to "home". The mix of people that live there make it 10 times more interesting also. There are people from all walks of life. We have a huge courtyard with a pool, a fire pit, volleyball, grilling area, cornhole, and bocce ball court. There is always something going on. You could almost never leave and have an endless source of entertainment. Along with that comes the thought that there are lots of people that have issues much greater than mine. There are 2 other guys that live there and we have become known as the "Divorced Guys Club". We are all pretty close in age and have very similar stories. Sometimes I am amazed at this whole other world that exists outside of the married world.

My kids are doing OK. I am concerned about my daughter in the fact that somehow I get placed in the middle of her "drama". I have clearly become the bad guy and can't seem to break out of that cycle. She had a "fight" with my mom on my birthday and somehow I took the brunt of it when it really had nothing to do with me. I have called and texted and tried to have a face to face to no avail. I had to get my son a phone over the weekend because the only way to call him is either thru the D's phone or the X's phone. It is pretty funny that an 8 year old has a HTC EVO now. It at least keeps the lines open with him and he can contact me directly.

The X has taken the stance thru most of this that when we split the kids would not really want anything to do with me. Even up till the last days she was telling me that I should not take offense if they did not want to come. This has played out a bit different than she thought and I am now hearing from her that we need to work harder on being there for them. She has complained that they have had a few break downs. I am just not sure what I could do in those moments that would help. I am hearing about them after the fact. My son has indicated that mommy is "invisible".. and he has been doing pretty much anything he wants. Staying up late.. sleeping late.. playing on the computer/xbox. Not exactly sure what to do with that either. They just got back from vacation and my son indicated that him and the X had had a few moments. He said that he blamed "Jenny" for all this. I asked why and he said "because mom said it was her fault". We had a discussion about it was a choice me and mom had made together and no 1 person was to blame. He seemed to understand and I felt better about it. The X is dating someone new and I have been dating also.

The R.. or what is left of it between me and "Jenny" is not good. I really don't seek her out or want to have meetings with her. The distance and not having to interact with her has been a blessing in disguise. She had always said that she did not want to be the people dropping off kids in a Wendy's parking lot.. but it is what we have become. I am not proud of it but we have not been able communicate for 18 years I am not sure why she thought more distance would help that situation. We cannot have a conversation without her calling me some kind of name.. or pointing out some flaw of mine. Repulsive is the new word of the week.

So I guess that catches everyone up.

Friday will be 2 months.


Relax
Eat
Think
Act normal
React.. Smartly.
Do something different.
Emulate.
Do Work.

Lets get "RETARDED" in here.


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Sounds like life Forrest...

Mach1 #2172020 07/28/11 06:57 AM
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<< There are 2 other guys that live there and we have become known as the "Divorced Guys Club".
Vent until you get 90% of the 18 years of accumulated crap out of your system. May take years.

<< My kids are doing OK.
Probably just on the surface and for now. Jenny will use D to whack you 2x4 style until it comes back to hit her. You will get blamed for and sucked into all D's drama with Jenny as stage director.

<< it was a choice me and mom had made together and no 1 person was to blame.
Strange choice. In my case I did not make the choice and I know who was to blame. Usually 1 person makes this choice and years before it comes to pass.

<< we have not been able communicate for 18 years I am not sure why she thought more distance would help that situation.
Heard this one too. People come up with more nonsense to justify their bad decisions and actions. Some even get divorced "for the sake of the children". Faulting and labeling you is another attempt at this sort of justification. This will probably continue until she finds someone or something better to do and the guilt wears off. Like some others I had to battle a lot of this in court at huge expense. I found its best to establish clear and firm boundaries, the earlier the better.

<< The X is dating someone new and I have been dating also.
So, quickly? The dust hasn't even settled. By the way, odds are she will get hooked onto someone much sooner than you and that will trigger another stage in the on-going drama.

fb2 #2172395 07/29/11 02:52 PM
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"Vent until you get 90% of the 18 years of accumulated crap out of your system. May take years."

They all vent to me. I have had close to 2 years to get most of the stuff straight in my head. Even though we were "together" we weren't. The hardest thing is really just getting used to saying the X wife. Or calling the house Home. There is really not much left in me. I have seen and felt both sides. I have been a LBS and I have been a WAS. I have seen the effects of both situations.

"Probably just on the surface and for now. Jenny will use D to whack you 2x4 style until it comes back to hit her. You will get blamed for and sucked into all D's drama with Jenny as stage director."

I get that it is a on the surface thing. It again is just proof of the perception's that people use. Here is Jenny telling me that the kids will not want to be with me and that I was/am a horrible father. This was her basis for actions all along. If the kids really felt that way then why would there be any emotion attached to it at all? I mean if the kids really felt that way and I was a horrible father they should be glad to see me go. It is disappointing that things had to go this far for me to be "right" and it was never my intention to prove that.. but here I am. I am trying with the D but she seems resistant still. I asked her if she would like to go to dinner just me and her and I got IDK. But when the car would not start I was the first person she called.

"Strange choice. In my case I did not make the choice and I know who was to blame. Usually 1 person makes this choice and years before it comes to pass."

I can agree with that. Still it takes 2. Anyway you look at it we all had a hand in the downfall. It could be just a simple lack of knowledge or communication. From what I read here and what has transpired in my personal life 9 times out of 10 it really is one of those simple core issues. I mean how many times do you hear.. if only X had happened.

"Heard this one too. People come up with more nonsense to justify their bad decisions and actions"

But what if the nonsense is really how you "see" life? What seems like BS to you or me.. could be the most important thing to someone else.

"I found its best to establish clear and firm boundaries, the earlier the better."

My boundary has become I don't want a part in the life you have chosen. She is free to do as she chooses. I have no expectations. All I can do is try and keep the lines open with my kids. I knock when I go to the house and I respond with yes or no answers to her texts.

"So, quickly? The dust hasn't even settled. By the way, odds are she will get hooked onto someone much sooner than you and that will trigger another stage in the on-going drama."

This event did not kick up a lot of dust. I can't say that I don't agree it is a bit fast. I have been open with my friend and I am not out there "Doing Work". It is nice to know that there is someone out there that enjoys your company. I don't see it being a long term thing. I don't think she does either. By all accounts it is casual. No sex. I cannot even risk that being a possible thought. I have to wait a year (well 10 months now). Jennys R's won't trigger much drama with me.. I have had experience with that.


Relax
Eat
Think
Act normal
React.. Smartly.
Do something different.
Emulate.
Do Work.

Lets get "RETARDED" in here.


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Quote:
I am trying with the D but she seems resistant still. I asked her if she would like to go to dinner just me and her and I got IDK. But when the car would not start I was the first person she called.

IDK is much better than no.

just keep doing what you're doing. mix it up a little. you may have to do what 16 y.o. girls do. take her to a concert.

but she does know you are trying. and she does turn to you for help. and this is very good. make her car break down more often.

i dont think you'll get the response you want, but you have to find a way to be ok with that. sometimes just knowing you're there watching from the wings will be all she wants/needs.


"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
KenF #2172505 07/29/11 08:19 PM
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Looks like emotionally you are in a good place. I can accept unintended lapses in communication and knowledge but I have serious trouble with dishonesty and bad intent which is probably at the heart of it all.

fb2 #2172567 07/30/11 12:40 AM
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FG2-


In my REAL job I am a physical/chemical scientist. When we write we write sorta vaguely...in the past, in the impersonal...kinda like you write. The only problem is...sometimes, you don't REALLY know what is going on with each person who is witnessing an observation. We started doing so because we document in a way that will pass audit. You are documenting to pass audit here.

And yet, I doubt that is your intention with my experience of you here. You don't really 'care' what others think, you are just evaluating your situation as such.

(What is YOUR take on what I just said?)

FG--join me in KLA 2011. Notify the mods. You know I still keep in touch with them.


Our demons are important. Your wife could not have been expected to have been 'all in' all along. It isn't remotely realistic.

Maybe you really are done. Maybe KLA 2011 or 2015 is realistic to you.

You are important to DB. You are important to DB.com. You are important to sg.

I think you are important to FG. I hope so.


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
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