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#2161269 06/17/11 02:00 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 30
J
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J
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 30
My XH and I have been divorced for almost a year. He had an affair in 2009 and walked away from myself and our two young boys. The OW decided back in Feb that she didn’t want to be with him anymore, and started seeing someone else. He took the break up very hard. He turned to me for advise on how to handle the situation and get over her. I made the mistake of letting him in and helping him as a friend. Helping him to realize that this OW, has caused him so much pain and caused him to loose so much. I encouraged him to go to a therapist and he did. But I don’t think he really got anything out of it.

W e had started connecting and spending a lot of time together, on the weekends. (the kids and I live 2 hrs away from him) and our communication was really good and things started going too fast. We kept telling each other were ‘just friends’ but after awhile the feelings that I had buried for two years, were starting to come back.
Then a few weeks ago, the OW decides that she isn’t getting enough attention from her new fling and starts talking again to my XH. Which caused him to stop and re-examine what we were building or rebuilding, and put the breaks on. I could tell something was up, bc he stopped calling as much and was starting to pull away from the kids and I again.

I got a bomb dropped on me again today, which my gut as been telling me for a few weeks. That they have been spending a lot of time together and that last weekend he spent the weekend with her. Which he had told me he was going camping and hiking alone. I have been asking him all along to be honest to me about what goes on with her bc of the history of her breaking up our family. He said he would, and has been lying to me for two weeks. But he claims their ‘just friends’ And to make matters worse, he has slept with her, and didn’t feel like I needed to know. When I have been telling him all along, that if he goes back to her or does anything with her –he can forget getting his family back.

I know I deserve better than this. Before all of this happened, I had accepted that my kids wouldn’t have a ‘normal’ family life. And after spending so much time with him and our kids, I let myself get back those thoughts of wanting my kids to have both parents. Not to mention, I missed my best friend and it was nice having him back. Bc our divorce was not pretty and the OW always managed to make things worse. XH thought he needed to be mean to me, to prove to her that he was over me. I was fooling myself into thinking that my x and I could make it work. OR that he had changed.

I really wish I knew what to do. I don’t want to lose everything that we have rebuilt over the last few months. My head is telling me to completely shut him out, but my heart is shattered again.


XH 30
W 29
M 5/Together 9
2 boys ages 3 and 1
Bomb of OW 10/2009
Divorce final 7/2010
Now in limbo
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 79
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i vote head

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 31
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jtish-
I feel ur pain. I really do understand where u are coming from. Myself and my XH are kind of in the same spot of the whole bonding thing. All I can say is sit back and cry ur tears for being hurt all over again and then do some reasessing. Figure out what is best for yourself and the kids. Seek some counceling to really help you plow threw some of this. He has hurt you teice now with the same woman who sounds like the type of I want you til I
have you then I dont want you again til I see you happy again. But really sit back and figure out if you CAN trust him or if you are sick of the yo-yo ride. And is this how you want to live your life. But really take care of you and do soul searching to figure it out. Best of luck and well wishes to you and the boys.


t=5.5yrs m=4
kids=4 (8,9,10,&11)
I dropped the bomb 10-09
regaining myself
in house seperation 9-6-09
divorce final 4-19-10
Moved out 9-17-09

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

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