I will admit my track record is poor, and that I've been a fair-weather husband, at best.
That being said, I am convinced that I can turn myself around. I believe that Talk's decision to leave the forum is both for her and for me; for her, to develop her own interests, and for me, to have another chance to show her I can do this on my own; albeit while receiving advice from the forum.
I’m so very glad that my W is still with me. I know she’s on the edge and could decide to leave at any moment, so the near future is critical if I want to show her that I can do this.
My W and I are getting along which is great, but lets be serious, I have to be consistent for at least a month before I can think about patting myself on the back.
My W is a thinker, very creative, the artist type. She's always coming up with new ideas and often changes her focus, like 12 times a day. Understanding, accepting and embracing this quality will go a long way to expanding her creativity and getting her to regain some of the love that she used to feel for me; I miss that. Making friends with the fluidity of her mind is a challenge for me because I'm fairly rigid. This is definitely an area where I can improve.
Hey Herb...When you look at her today...Think about what made you fall in love with her in the first place. When you have that in your head, keep it there and remember it with every glance at her.
My W and I are getting along which is great, but lets be serious, I have to be consistent for at least a month before I can think about patting myself on the back.
NO! You're still not getting it.
I haven't read your thread yet... and I may or may not. All I've read are your wife's thoughts. If you think you being on good behavior for a month is going to fix this you're sorely mistaken.
Here is what I see: You have failed to provide the most fundamental need to any woman and most especially to your wife:
!!!! SAFETY !!!!
If you want to fix your marriage start there and only there until you have mastered it.
That means:
1) Safety from your angry outbursts. 2) Safety from her doubts on your fidelity 3) Safety from not being able to express herself without you climbing down her throat 4) Safety from your disparaging thoughts ... and I can go on but I don't feel like it.
Provide a safe environment for your wife to flourish in.
I agree with your comments. My W has said the exact same thing to me in the past.
I wasn't clear when I said that I could pat myself on the back after being consistent for a month. What I should have said was "make my W feel safe by acting like an adult w/o the anger and hurtful words.
