Happy Mother's Day to all you lovely ladies! Happy Mother's Day to all those LB men who are doing the job of mothering children, and a better job than the misguided woman who left you. There is an art to mothering, isn't there?
I am well and happy. TJ is a sweetie. He treats me better than he did in our marriage. I still do not have ILY, all but. If you want the short version, 'nuff said. (stop reading).
If you want to gleen any hint that you can apply to your sitch, keep on.
He has tried to get the message of ILY to me using other words, and I think I finally believe it today. His Mother's Day was amazing. We still live in separate states and see each other about every 3 weeks. I visited him this weekend, and it was perfect. He is really relaxed w me. He is not "on guard" at all. He knows what to expect from me, and I like the person I am giving him. I was concerned that I am not seeing any progress lately. I think that after a certain point, the progress is harder to see as the goal becomes closer. He initiated the get together the weekend before. He had suggested getting together in St. Louis to visit oldest daughter and her husband. I have been in the habit of going to St L for M day. She always shows us the best of the city, and it is always fun. She was evasive about this year's visit, and a good explaination came later this week. So TJ figured out that I would be alone, and ask me if I wanted company. I offered to go up there, and he said "It's up to you". That is SO not the way decisions were made in our M. We went to a Crew Regatta that his niece was in, we played golf at his CC, WE WENT TO CHURCH, and I made his favorite meal. We went to brunch this am, and I left around noon. He gave me a MD gift, and a card that brings me to tears. It gave me a view of what zipping your lips means to the MLC who is coming back to himself. I have not asked for anything in our new R. No strings attached relationship. I was debating if he was far enough along to treat this as a truly mature relationship, ie: meeting my needs that have been on the back burner. He had a right to know what I needed in a R, right? Well, I don't ask. I just enjoy what is offered. And when it comes, pure magic. Zip the Lips. I think it has been very important to TJ that he knows long term that I am not going to punish him. I will not bring up the ugly past. He will not have to live without me trusting him. I thought I had gotten all the mileage I could out of that strategy, but it is still yielding benifits for our relationship.
His card was something like this: OK OK, exactly like this! Happy MD to a STRONG woman who's been through it all. The ups, the downs. The good times and the bad times. The hopes the dreams The fears and worries, the pain and tears The heartache and ECSTACY! The craziness, the joy the comedy the tragedy the laughter the exhaustion THE ANTICIPATION!!
(inside) And that was all since yesterday!
He wrote: Haha...Don't you know it! Hope you enjoy your special day,,,you deserve it! Glad we can spend it together. XXXOOO TJ
If that is not an endorsement for waiting for answers to fall in your lap, I don't know what is.
Thank you Snodderly. I think I knew that your nugget of advice was meant for me to take to heart.
If by chance you read this Snodderly, I want you to know that your mothering of all us lost chicks (and roosters) has earned you an Honorary Mothers Degree. Thanks for your patience with US, and Happy Mother's day sweet lady.
So let the patience begin in earnest!
Always, Hooolly. (The mispelling is a shout out to YELLLoooo Rose. )
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Holly, I wondered how you were doing. Sounds like things are going well. That is great news. May things continue to improve between you and TJ ! Come back again when you have time and let us know how things are progressing.
Was, you are truly one of the best Wonders of the World. Hasn't some smokin hot smartie scooped you up yet?
You are adorable and amazing. I wish the best for you too.
Don't ya miss the old days? We actually helped each other out by having fun. I am tempted to tell you the bucket secret.... It is truly a funny story, only Lissett can tell.
The warm towels, boat drinks and the WasBusta bus?
Virtual good times.
On another note, if by chance anyone is reading, I have some thoughts about the whole "how to" survive a MLC. Really, how to be a friend that can make a difference to someone being left behind in a MLC.
If you are hurting, painfully spinning and trying to catch your equilibrium, your experiences are expected. They will never feel normal, and this whole thing that has happened to us is aweful. If you are making DBing mistakes, that is OK. You will. Someone very wise told me that you can make mistakes with your MLC spouse. They probably won't even really notice they are spinning so fast. Be kind to yourself, OK? Don't expect perfection and don't let anyone hit you too hard with a 2 by 4, ok?
You are worth it. And you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. You will make mistakes, and you will learn from them.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
"The best advice EVER on how to survive your spouse's MLC?????
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Holly, Thank you for writing that about the mistakes. I needed to hear that, as I have been currently fretting about My H coming to talk to me for the first time in three wks since he left.
I realized tonight, I was making a bigger deal out of it than I need to and to stop projecting what I think may end up happening during our conversation. I will try to not think about it so much and not worry if I do end up making a DBing mistake or any other mistake at that time. I will speak from my heart, and try to let him do a lot of the talking while I validate his feelings.
I am glad you wrote that paragraph, thanks! TIPPER
Holly, The whole world is smiling with you. Celebrate life. It will reward ya!
NICE TO FIND YOU GUYS HERE...W2, you alright these days? Somehow, I know you are. Holly, well done girlfriend.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
