Game Point 2

[tryingtilDorR]

One other thing to keep in mind is that no matter what, do everything you can to save your M.

I have been told that I went above and beyond what most would be willing to do to save my M, and looking back now I realize it is true and that is another source of great comfort to me. I can look my kids in the eye and they know that once I realized that I had a WAW, I did everything in my power to change the direction for the sake of all of us.

I finally asked God to tell me when it was time to give up, and I got a clear sign as soon as she moved out after trying everything possible to save the M for 2 years so I filed for D. She was surprised, since I think her idea was that she would move out and try her new single life and see what happens with all options still open to her, even though I warned her all along that her moving out would be a huge turning point for me.

As a result, I have absolutely no regrets now looking back, but I know the XW has a ton of them and I could have predicted all of it based upon what I learned from other people's stories on this site.

[tryingtilDorR]

I was thinking back over the past 5 years and the amount of incredible pain I went through when I was dealing with my WAW. It made me want to log back in here to issue some words of encouragement to those who are suffering now.

I found great comfort from these threads, even though I didn't follow the advice really well but I did manage to have a better understanding of what was really going on.

But I still have no regrets. I did the best I could. Everyone knows I went above and beyond to save my M - my kids, both of our families, myself.

I got remarried last August and life is very good. My new wife lives here in our home we shared when I was married before. Ex W is not too happy about it, especially because her family, whom I am still very close to, helped me financially to keep the house. My 2 older kids are away at college now and my 2 younger ones seem to be adjusting reasonably well to my new wife and the divorce.

If my marriage to the mother of my kids had to end, then I couldn't have imagined a better 'new path' for my life than where I am now.

I want every one to realize that there is another life waiting out there for you if you ultimately cannot save your M. Do everything you can to save it for the sake of your family and the commitment you made, but know when it is time to truly let go and move on. In my case it was when she moved out of the house nearly 2 years ago. God helped me find that time when it was time to let go, and I never looked back really. It was like I put up a wall behind me and moved on.

WAW sure has looked back a lot, however. She wanted to try to R once I had already met my new wife and had moved on. To this day she regrets what she has done I am hearing from others.

However, she is a very shallow person I am finding. She made some comment recently to justify our divorce: "you are happy now with your new wife so you know we had problems with our relationship ..." and thus splitting up is justified, etc etc. My response, which I didn't say to her but was thinking, was "Yes, if I looked at everything completely selfishly I could say that I am better off, but the point is that we were a family and had children, and no matter what issues come up you need to work through them as best you can for the sake of your marriage and children, etc etc"

Her comment was very typical of her attitude the past several years - do what is best for YOU or at least what seems like what is best for you. I think she ultimately realizes that she did not do what was best for her. Her relationship with the guy she had an affair with has never moved forward. She sees him only in private and my kids want nothing to do with him. People tell me she is not happy with the guy and he is a control freak and a loser. I tried to point all this out when I was trying to convince her to change directions, but she wouldn't listen.

anyway, it is interesting to reflect back and see her after she drove off the cliff. It is kind of sad, actually. I feel sorry for her in a lot of ways.

Stay strong, and keep working on what you are told on these message boards. My only regret was that I didn't do enough of it or find a way to do it even though I wanted to. It is not always easy. I see posts from people doing the same stuff I did. Try to do something and then watch their reaction, but in the end they still know you are pursuing and begging.

[Intact]

I was thinking back over the past 5 years and the amount of incredible pain I went through when I was dealing with my WAW. It made me want to log back in here to issue some words of encouragement to those who are suffering now.

I found great comfort from these threads, even though I didn't follow the advice really well but I did manage to have a better understanding of what was really going on.

But I still have no regrets. I did the best I could. Everyone knows I went above and beyond to save my M - my kids, both of our families, myself.

I got remarried last August and life is very good. My new wife lives here in our home we shared when I was married before. Ex W is not too happy about it, especially because her family, whom I am still very close to, helped me financially to keep the house. My 2 older kids are away at college now and my 2 younger ones seem to be adjusting reasonably well to my new wife and the divorce.

If my marriage to the mother of my kids had to end, then I couldn't have imagined a better 'new path' for my life than where I am now.

I want every one to realize that there is another life waiting out there for you if you ultimately cannot save your M. Do everything you can to save it for the sake of your family and the commitment you made, but know when it is time to truly let go and move on. In my case it was when she moved out of the house nearly 2 years ago. God helped me find that time when it was time to let go, and I never looked back really. It was like I put up a wall behind me and moved on.

WAW sure has looked back a lot, however. She wanted to try to R once I had already met my new wife and had moved on. To this day she regrets what she has done I am hearing from others.

However, she is a very shallow person I am finding. She made some comment recently to justify our divorce: "you are happy now with your new wife so you know we had problems with our relationship ..." and thus splitting up is justified, etc etc. My response, which I didn't say to her but was thinking, was "Yes, if I looked at everything completely selfishly I could say that I am better off, but the point is that we were a family and had children, and no matter what issues come up you need to work through them as best you can for the sake of your marriage and children, etc etc"

Her comment was very typical of her attitude the past several years - do what is best for YOU or at least what seems like what is best for you. I think she ultimately realizes that she did not do what was best for her. Her relationship with the guy she had an affair with has never moved forward. She sees him only in private and my kids want nothing to do with him. People tell me she is not happy with the guy and he is a control freak and a loser. I tried to point all this out when I was trying to convince her to change directions, but she wouldn't listen.

anyway, it is interesting to reflect back and see her after she drove off the cliff. It is kind of sad, actually. I feel sorry for her in a lot of ways.

Stay strong, and keep working on what you are told on these message boards. My only regret was that I didn't do enough of it or find a way to do it even though I wanted to. It is not always easy. I see posts from people doing the same stuff I did. Try to do something and then watch their reaction, but in the end they still know you are pursuing and begging.

This post is epic. Congratulations on your new M.

Really meant a lot to me reading this.

[tryingtilDorR]

I thought about the site because I was cleaning out my closet and found about 30 marriage and self-help books I read when going through my ordeal. I remember how theraputic it was to be able to write here about what was going on.

Its been almost 2 years since I posted here. I have been looking over some of my old threads and it is kind of like reading about a different life I lived through that was very challenging and difficult - the most difficult time in my life.

The stress and pain were almost unbearable and there was a lot of collateral damage - I was fired from 2 different jobs during this time but luckily landed on my feet and my kids went through a lot as well. My daughter was only a freshman in HS when WAW started her relationship with OM and she knew about it from overhearing us argue. I think this was all very damaging to her. I had 3 other kids as well at home.

Losing the 2nd job actually had a positive impact on the divorce settlement in my favor, so in some ways I view it as God's will. HE reached out and helped me through the process and helped me move my life forward once HE gave me the sign that WAS was lost and I needed to let go. I truly believe that. I spent a lot of time waiting for W to change their direction, and at some point realized that even God can't make people make the right choices.

I know many of you are in the middle of it now, but know that it will get better with or without your spouse. Most of all keep your dignity and try to shield your kids from whatever is happening as best you can. WAS usually operates without much consideration for others, including the kids, and only will later be able to look back and objectively realize what impact they are having so think clearly for their sake, since WAS is NOT in most cases.

I have been remarried now for 2.5 years. Again, I also feel meeting my wife was a small miracle that God had a hand in as part of helping me to move forward once I gave in to Him. We are very happy. The silver lining here is that I am probably happier and more content than I have ever been, outside of the years with my 1st wife raising our kids when we were a happy family and WAW wasn't going through her crisis.

No matter how happy I am now though I STILL would go back if I could and keep my family together and avoid divorce - it wasn't my choice but I moved on once I gave in. I mention above that WAW wanted to come back later but it was long after I really disengaged and had moved on. she had been moved out of house for about 6 months and I was well on my way to starting a new life with someone else.

No matter how happy I am personally now, I am still sad about what my kids went through living through a separation/divorce. I know my ex-W has a ton of regrets still to this day about what she did and still tells people that she wouldn't go through with it again (having a BF, moving out, etc) if she had the chance to go back in time. I did everything I could during that time, so now I can move forward with clear conscience. Get yourself to that place no matter which way the situation goes.

[Ahoy]

Thank you for sharing your story -- it is inspiring to know that life goes on without the WAS. I'm glad you were able to meet your new wife and move on in a healthy way. I hope to follow in your footsteps!