Divorce is coming soon.

[Goodfight]

Now today I get a text saing he hates me because he heard rumors that I said our D14 wasn't welcome to stay with him at his place. He sounds just like his family now again. I am so hurt. How does someone say they think about you every day and can't listen to certain songs cause they hurt so much to saying they hate you?

[seeking answers]

GF,

Please go back and read the resources again. MLC = Confusion

Go back to that place where you are detached and let the spew and the nice things said, just roll right off your back. Your H isn't anywhere near done yet. Protect yourself from getting drawn in.

You'll know without a doubt when/if he emerges from the tunnel.

[jon2911]

GF,
Sorry to hear about that. He's definitely confused. Good advice above by seeking answers.

Keep posting and journaling.

[Goodfight]

Thanks SA and Jon. Will try, but will admit it is hard now to detach all over again. That's my biggest problem (detachment).

[TAMF]

Can I join the "have a hard time detaching" club with u?

[jon2911]

I'm in the club too!

[Goodfight]

You sure can TAMF. I think I'm the president Jon and TAMF.

I would like to get 25's opinion on my post about the last couple of weeks.

TAMF, I don't think in almost 3 years now I have completely detached. I have got to GAL, and such but I think about H every day, just not as much as I use to in the beginning. I don't know if it's because every couple of months he makes me feel like he is coming back around and then disappears and wants the D again.

[AJM]

GF, can I make a suggestion?

Step back and re-evaluate the situation. Revisit the facts and not the rest of it.

What do you think of your situation now? Same?


AJ

[25yearsmlc]

GF,


What's your question? He's a user with emotional problems not of your making which you have no control over. AND

He comes from a hatefilled nutty family. You got used and now you regret it.

So, what is the question? Should you do more of the crazy stuff, or less?

hmmm, I say LESS...

Should you detach or stay heavily involved w/ people who are cruel and weird?

Would you care if they told you whether martians are in the US military? I hope not. That's how relevant their opinions are about everything as far as I'm concerned. THEY'RE NUTS...stop wanting or needing their approval!

And if your h is too weak and sick to see that they are weak/sick/cruel people, then he has their "virus" too...

avoid their virus. You cannot cure it but you can protect/vaccinate your kids against it...vaccinate by detaching. See them and your for what and who they are....

YES they are sick and cruel, AND SO is your h. His choices are terribly mean.

I've said it 5 times...All you can do is protect your kids and you.

Then you allow this nut to come into your life and sleep w/him based on ONE evening of vague regrets...

And what? If you keep letting this happen then you are not much healthier than he is.

So do better next time. YOU CAN DO BETTER... There'a s great saying in AA

"Mistakes are Not tragedies, but dear God let me learn from them!"

Learn from this GF and don't repeat it.

Good riddance to the ill folks until if and when they get healthy.

Be happy...please. Stop worrying about what insane rumors are spread. Who cares?

There's a street person downtown who thinks I knew him in Venezuela...where I've never been.

I am NOT spending energy on him or his rumors about "us" in South America...

Same goes for your ill h and his crazy mean family.

Make sense?

[25yearsmlc]

You sure can TAMF. I think I'm the president Jon and TAMF.

I would like to get 25's opinion on my post about the last couple of weeks.

TAMF, I don't think in almost 3 years now I have completely detached.
Correct.

you have done almost No detaching that I can see....

I have got to GAL, and such but I think about H every day, just not as much as I use to in the beginning. I don't know if it's because every couple of months he makes me feel like he is coming back around and then disappears and wants the D again.

You CHOOSE to hope b/c it's easier, IN THE SHORT RUN, than moving on with your life

and detaching...

but in the long run you are dragging this out AND ruining the chance that might exist for him to get well.

DETACH AND MOVE ON...and don't you dare ask for or care about what ANY of his family says to or about you.

I'd laugh it off at this point....

and protect your children from their father for now, for he is NOT good for or to them. He's deeply hurting them and you keep letting it happen.

Do NOT ask for anything from him.

Let the L's do their jobs and get some financial security & help.

AND GAL... this program works IF YOU WORK IT....but only if.