My favorite song right now, it's actually very upbeat and happy!
MEAN-Taylor Swift
You, with your words like knives And swords and weapons that you use against me, You, have knocked me off my feet again, Got me feeling like I’m nothing. You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard Calling me out when I’m wounded. You, pickin’ on the weaker man.
Well you can take me down, With just one single blow. But you don’t know, what you don’t know,
Someday, I’ll be living in a big old city, And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me, And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Why you gotta be so mean?
You, with your switching sides, And your walk by lies and your humiliation You, have pointed out my flaws again, As if I don’t already see them. I walk with my head down, Trying to block you out cause I’ll never impress you I just wanna feel okay again.
I bet you got pushed around, Somebody made you cold, But the cycle ends right now, You can’t lead me down that road, You don’t know, what you don’t know
Someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city, And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me, And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Why you gotta be so mean?
And I can see you years from now in a bar, Talking over a football game, With that same big loud opinion but, Nobody’s listening, Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things, Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing.
But all you are is mean, All you are is mean. And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life, And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean
But someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city, And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Yeah, Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me, And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Why you gotta be so ? Someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city, And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Yeah, Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me, And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Why you gotta be so mean?
The video for her performance is here, it was awesome!
Mish asked what's new and my life and there is so much new and yet a lot the same...
Let's see. I got married!
Ok just kidding.
Actually I decided I don't think I want to get married until my kids are out of the house. So I have another 14 years till I have to worry about that one.
*Scary times at work. The superintendent told all of us preschool teachers our jobs are at risk for next year due to stupid state funding. I am doing fine though. My brother from the boards says my calm/presence and focus is impressive under the circumstances. And he is CFO of a big company so I take that as a compliment!
I decided regardless I will have my 1/2 time ESL position, so I can sub the other half if I don't get my preschool spot again. Bills will get paid just not as much Starbucks and pedicure money. Back to basics which isn't all bad anyway. Long term it is better not to jump ship and find a job somewhere else bc I have 3 yrs of experience here and in teaching your years in district make a big difference. Last hired usually = first fired. So I will keep working here. Plus my kids go here and I went here and I plan to retire here. So I am not job hunting. Not stressing. Gonna take it as it comes.
*A facebook friend who went to school with me contacted me a few weeks ago and asked if I would contribute something for the blog for which she is a writer. They are based in the SF bay area and very liberal leaning. They wanted to find someone to represent the flyover country/conservative mindset. And she has seen my political postings on FB and recommended me!
I dropped everything and spent two hours cranking out a piece...The C Word, Confessions of a Conservative.
She loved it! I got fired up and revamped my list of no-gos for men's online dating profiles and sent it to her. Somehow they already published that one but not the C word one...
I always loved writing and was in the honors classes all through school but never thought of doing it as a fun little side job...it is unpaid but I love it. I don't think I realized how much I enjoy writing my thoughts and sharing my views.
I have since written another article called Celibacy After Divorce. I have done some soul searching and realized that with my faith and my values it does not make sense for me to sleep with anybody else. I had a one-night thing with the guy from the luau last November. As soon as it happened I regretted it. I did it to 'scratch an itch' and he felt super safe. I have known him since I was in elementary school and I knew he wouldn't be a jerk. In fact he has continued to text me until recently....I kept being busy when he wanted to get together bc I didn't know how to tell him, "I decided sex is out for me" and I figured if he asked me out again he would expect it to happen since it happened once.
So anyway I wrote the article. Basically it's not happening again for me till I get married again. Which is not gonna happen for a looooong time. Sigh. Anyway she thought the Celibacy article was bound to generate a lot of response. I fear it may be mostly backlash and mockery of my prudish outdated sentiments but I don't care. I am happy with the article and eager to see the response it gets.
Then this week the same friend approached me and said she has shown my other articles (remember only one published so far) to the owner of the blog and she really likes my work! They asked me to write a wedding-based piece as we go into Royal Wedding Week. So I worked on one today and just submitted it. So much fun. Can you tell I really like writing?!
*Things with Dan are par for the course. I am the one who will ultimately have to unstick us. He sat next to me for Sydney's day care graduation (seriously what DON'T they have a graduation for, she has one for daycare and preschool!) and she came and sat on his lap while they played a dvd of pictures from the past couple years. Dan cried and I cried and Sydney loved it. Then she asked if we could take pictures of just the three of us. My mom took a couple, first time I have had a picture with him in since Christmas 2008...wow. Anyway he still has the chippy in KC but she doesn't intimidate me anymore. I saw her a couple weeks ago and she isn't quite at beautiful as I remember her being. But the point remains that despite his texting me and spending some time together w/the kids (much less than before) he still has a gf and I need to walk farther away and stay away.
Also he still has his texting tirades from time to time. On that note maybe the song I posted should be his ringtone. Yeah, but that isn't really my style. Though it is fitting!
I got fired up and revamped my list of no-gos for men's online dating profiles and sent it to her. Somehow they already published that one but not the C word one... 