OnMyWay: to who knows where?

[FaithnAK]

Detachment means, you don't LET her make your day good or bad; she just exists.

[lees]

Hi OMW, just wanted to drop by and give you some support as you have been doing for me.

It's a long road. You are doing fine. You are right to be proud of yourself. Having been through D I can honestly say that the process although not always positive in terms of fixing the marriage, is definitely always positive in making you a better, stronger person.

As a result of my DB efforts the first time around, I know this time, even though I'm only trying to fix a relatively short relationship, that I will survive whatever happens. I also know that I'm a decent person, worthy of a great partner. I fixed the personal flaws I discovered last time. This time I'm on new ground as I was never anywhere near having friendly affection with the XW (she ran off with my work colleague).

You will reach a point of calm and happiness with yourself and your sitation in time too.

It sounds like you are a great Dad. And that is THE most important thing. And it does sound like you may be starting to detach.

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm jealous that your going to Sea World, I've always wanted to go.

I am happy you get to experience that with your D.
She is lucky to have such an awesome Dad. Good for you OMW.

[OnMyWay]

Detachment means, you don't LET her make your day good or bad; she just exists.

I'm just about there.

[OnMyWay]

What an amazing weekend I had with my D in San Diego. I can honestly say it has been transformative for everyone.

My D & I are closer than we've ever been and I'm so looking forward to the rest of my life with her! She is the best thing ever! I have become a father I never could've imagined I would ever be. I just can't wait until tomorrow!

I can also honestly say I haven't felt this good about myself in years. I'm very happy and it is starting to have a ripple effect in other areas of my life, esp. my business.

All this, apparently has not gone unnoticed by WAW. She seems to have figured out she can no longer touch me - my buttons are not pushable any more. Since we've come home, she is constantly trying to exert some sort of control and the only place she seems to be able to find it is with our D.

I have an important meeting tomorrow and W has school, but she doesn't like that I've made all my own arrangements for sitters, etc., so she is taking charge and made arrangements for the rest of our spring break week ... finally (Honestly, where the heck has she been anyway?).

Tonight, I'm at work and she is with D at our home. Has arranged for D's friend to have a sleep over. Then has decided she'll stay, too, as it will be easier for me in the morning if she is there to take the friend home. Seriously? Like I'm not capable of dropping the friend off on the way to my meeting? Whatever, crazy lady. Just keep trying. Maybe one day you'll figure it out. . . or not - not my problem.

One thing I'm mentioned over on bboom's threat with regards to the way I feel about my W, but bares repeating here for journaling. (see: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...023#Post2148023)

It happened to me again this afternoon. WAW was coming down the stairs of our house as I was going up. She had both arms reaching out to opposite railings. In the past, I would've automatically stepped up and put my arms under hers and embraced her. Today, I stepped to one side, waiting for her to let go with one hand, to pass on my way up without making eye contact. As I went by, I had those memories of days-gone-by and it felt good.

It's happened to me before, where I catch a glimpse in my periphery and see a ghost or a memory of my W - and I feel good. It's a familiarity like no other. I know I love her and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm at peace. I miss her. I know my W is gone and as much as I love her, that cannot bring her back.

My reality, what I am left with is the full-on view of my WAW, who is NOT my W, but an entirely different person all together. She's not someone I love, respect, or care to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with. She is but a poor resemblance of the wonderful, gorgeous, fun, special woman I have in my heart. She doesn't have it. It's just not there. She's not HER.

If you are reading this as some sort of painful, guilt-ridden, diatribe of angst about my sitch, don't. I can say for the first time in a long time I actually feel good. I have my memories my loving W and they are wonderful. I don't know where my life will go from here, but THAT woman who is in my house isn't really welcome in my life. I almost feel bad for her. She's not only has to carry the burden of her actions and of destroying our family, but she has to live with the fact that she has killed the most terrific individual I have ever met in my life - herself. That is sad.

[~¤DG¤~]

OMW-your last post is AWESOME,

Good for you. I am so happy for you.

[InAPickle]

I know exactly what you mean.
My WAW also is not the same person I married.
She didn't change overnight, but she definately changed.
I sensed over the past couple of years her sideways drift.
She became unhitched from me, more independent, lost respect.
All you can do is open the cage and let her fly away.
Maybe the person you married will some day come back. Or not.

[ironMan]

Wow, OMW. You are writing for me here. I feel exactly the same .... and when I see her, and she looks so hot, I am tricked to think I am losing the woman I love so much. But, that woman isn't here anyway. She'll probably never come back. But, in any event, she has to go find herself. And in the process, there is a lot I could learn about myself.

I'm proud of you for taking charge as a father and building that relationship with your D. That really fills the soul doesn't it?

Hang in there bud, we're in this together.

[OnMyWay]

Things are really changing here. WAW is around a lot. Last night while I was at work, she hit me up online to chat, asking me "what's new?", etc. Later she chatted that there was "camping" going on in our house. I figured it was her, D, and D's friend on the sleep over, but she said it was just her sleeping on the living room floor. Not sure of the point of that, if I was suppose to invite her to our bed, or what, so I recommended she inflate our air bed and sleep on that. She said she was fine on the floor. I went straight to bed when I got home and pretty much ignored her presence.

She's back again tonight under the guise of "helping out" over spring break. However, she's "nesting" in the house a little, while keeping out of my space. She called a little while ago for some financial info for her schooling. I kept it short, gave her the info, and let her go.

I'm not sure what's going on here or how to react, so I'm not reacting at all. Could be her regret or realization she's made a mistake. Or it could be her being sneaky, trying to weasel her way back in and getting ready to drop the bomb. Whatever.

I'm staying focused on me and moving forward. It was a great day. I don't want to ruin it by trying to guess what the crazy lady is thinking, but the next few days will be interesting. If I don't have to be defensive, this ends up being fun.

[AJM80]

It's crazy that she's semi moving back into the house. Good for you - not shutting her down or encouraging her...just letting things flow along (as long as you are happy)

Your DB coach comment freaked me out a little - that when she stops complaining, she's stopped caring? Can you elaborate on that any? Isn't there a point where not complaining would mean she's realized how good you are/how good she had it versus being mad at what she doesn't get to do since she's left your family/the relationship?

I truly think you are in a good place, but am curious about that w/regard to your situation and my own. I shut down H's complaining very early in this and told him I didn't have to listen to him complain about my driving/which route I chose/other stuff like that, etc. I wondered if that is a male/female difference? He's commenting on our "adventures" just like your wife.