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Lees,

I know you are hurting but a few things in your post stood out at me:

Quote:
..........and she'll still be putting the election in front of anything bar major accident or family death, a mere counselling appt is not worth jeapordising her job over.


At the moment jobs are pretty hard to come by here as you know. I assume she has a mortgage to pay, whether you live there or not. The election is 5th May is it not? In the over all scheme of things that is not a long time. Be patient.

Quote:
She thinks I was cruel to mention babies in our argument after counselling last week, as she has had 2 miscarriages in the past. It was part of an angry spouting forth on my behalf, mostly about her work being more important than me, our relationship, or indeed anything else when she couldn't find time to attend a second appointment. When she chased me in the street I told her she could keep her damn elections and hoped they would give her the lifelong happiness, love, affection, support and children that she seeks.



Ok, so you listened and prompted. Did you validate at all anything she said? I think that if you DID say the above then that is pretty unkind. You have to remember you are carrying the baggage of a very recent failed M that caused you much hurt. She needs to realise that that may cause you to have a short fuse sometimes.

Quote:
She was changing her mind about working on our relationship during the counselling session apparently. Was becoming more of a realistic idea to work at. Now she isn't so sure after our argument at the end. She's angry both at me for what was said in the street, and at the counsellor for not being able to accomodate her election schedule and saying she couldn't work with us if we couldn't attend regularly.


OK, so wait until after the elections and then get regular appointments set up. C'mon, you are moving too fast and ricocheting back and forth. Why don't you ask her for an amnesty until the elections are over.....and an assurance that after that she will work at the C side of things with you.

To me it sounds like there is some hope there that this R will work, but you keep destroying opportunities by wanting your results now! Or maybe you are so afraid of getting hurt again you are pushing this R in to being a self fulfilling prophecy of a failure? Please slow it all down. Breathe.


Saffie
me 46
H 46
M in 1986
D20,D18,S16,D13
H's A 01/05 to 07/06
H recommitted to M 07/06
renewed vows 09/06
Going from strength to strength
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Patience is not my strong point, it is true.

I did validate, and I apologised. She spent a long time offloading about work. I bit my tongue every time I wanted to talk about my day, or how I felt.

The thing I am really struggling with at the moment is that she isn't validating anything I say, and doesn't seem to be making any effort. I feel like I am running out of steam doing all the work all the time. It is all very one sided. I am trying to taking the positive bits from yesterday's discussion though - she was thinking about working on the relationship, and we do still manage to sit comfortably and talk together, and have a laugh together. I managed to not initiate any relationship talk - she did that. I didn't touch her, I didn't feel bad about going to bed seperately. No boundaries crossed by me.


Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
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Feeling positive today. She booked tickets for another music festival I want to go to as well whilst I was staying away and I asked if she minds me tagging along by txt (she was staying away from home last night with work). She sent a very nice little txt msg saying of course not, and she'll see me tonight when she gets back from work, and sleep well.

I got loads of work done on dissertation last night, the only negative so far today is that I can't mow the lawn as it's raining.


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I have just procrastinated for the last 2.5 hrs by reading the first half of Lori Gottlieb's book "Mr Good Enough." In absolute stitches, funniest thing I've read in ages. And full of very salient points about dating and relationships. Wish my ex would read it!


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lees

great attitude today! keep the good vibes going.

Quote:
Wish my ex would read it!

You can't make people do things you want them to do.

What you can do is live what you have learned, when she is intrigued by your strange happiness, you then can share with her the information.


Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
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With current circumnstances I don't think that will ever happen.

She does seem a bit intrigued by what I am doing and where I am going, but I think it is just in a friendly small talk kind of fashion. We do that quite well.

I'm not sure she is capable of understanding how her words and actions might impact on me, or being able to put herself in my shoes in the way that I'm trying so hard to do for her.

We are living in a house as friends, and I think that is exactly what she wants right now. She hasn't asked me to leave yet, so I assume that's what she wants.

The positive start to the day is allowing me to cope with it though. She came into my room this morning and smiled at me (or possibly just the cat) with the cat sitting on my chest for a tummy rub. She asked if I wanted to finish off her cup of tea and left it on the bedside table. Then she left and shouted "Have a good day, get your dissertation done! Bye." from the door. First time she's shouted anything from the door in a while. And that was the beginning of all the problems - that she stopped shouting "I love you" on her way out.

Must be patient. Await counselling on Monday - maybe more answers about how she's feeling in regard to our non-relationship then.


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Keeping positive.

Reasons I am a fantastic catch:

Intelligent
Fiercely loyal
Reliable
Committed (without the psychiatric connotations)
Logical
Want kids
Honest
Good career
Financially solvent
Lots of common sense
Laid back but can scrub up well and behave when needed
Not dog ugly
Musical
Creative
Good at DIY
Grow my own veggies given the chance
Can cook well
Enjoy lots of hobbies
Reasonably fit
Enjoy all kinds of travel
More than computer literate
Good command of language
Can score 400 at scrabble
Not averse to housework or ironing
Have just the right handful of good friends
Own my own property (albeit too far away for me to live in at the moment)

Now who wants me?!? If she doesn't I'm sure others will.


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You left out Confident.

Without confidence all ohter things mean zilch. whistle

I'm sure it's was just and oversight. wink


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Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
You left out Confident.

Without confidence all ohter things mean zilch. whistle

I'm sure it's was just and oversight. wink

I'd say given the length of the list it is a given! laugh

Love the list lee, GREAT attitude!


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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
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lol confident definitely. And yes I know, sometimes a bit overly so wink


Struggling just now though. Know she's due home soon. Have really REALLY strong urge to go and sweep her up into my arms and kiss her when she comes through the door.

Know I can't frown


Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
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