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First of all, sorry to hear about this sad anniversary. I commend you for continuing to DB but ( and I did that the first time until she came back when she thought I was through with her and appeared to have moved on) But at what point do we CUT our losses. Its up to the individual. Do I believe that she has truly just moved on with some guy that really is scum. Not just by my accounts but honesly, although he lays it on thick, he is not a good person and she will see that someday. Good people do not leave their wives when they are pregnant and have affairs. I'm sorry.

I havent read DR lately because she has it but I will really try and just ignore her from now on. As long as there is another man there is no marriage. The question remains, what about my self esteem? How do I accept her back if she decides to come back and still call myself a man? I guess these questions will have to be answered when the time comes.

Maybe by that time I wont care about her at all.

Again, thanks Zen and sorry for your dubious anniversary.

Nine.


BITS
M-46
W-42
M-16y
T-19 y
s10 s15
BombDec.19/09
Sep-F16/10
Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10
Recon July 5/10
PA foundOut- Oct 30/10
Mental HospNov/10
moved out Nov/10
Leg Sep Mar 15/11
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Update:

She just unblocked me on facebook. I think she just wants to make sure i am still there just in case her relationship with the OM falls flat. She told me the other day she is very confused after telling me that she would never come back.

I cannot and will not discuss relationship talk again with her and rehash what went wrong in our marriage. Whats the point.

I guess I just learn to love my kids more and move on and see what happens. OM= no marriage period.

She admitted that she thinks that she will regret this some day but must try and see how this works out her way.

Life is about choices for sure. I cant understand how she can be so selfish though.

Maybe its time to just realize that she doesnt love me and move on.


BITS
M-46
W-42
M-16y
T-19 y
s10 s15
BombDec.19/09
Sep-F16/10
Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10
Recon July 5/10
PA foundOut- Oct 30/10
Mental HospNov/10
moved out Nov/10
Leg Sep Mar 15/11
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You know who else she does not love 9lives? Herself. Her choice in the OM is proof of that .


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Me-51, WAS-52
Kids 2
M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013
Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice.
Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
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Hi Nine,

Sorry to hear this. I will attest that people diagnosed with bipolar tendencies can overcome them. But it is they, not anyone else, that must do it. Often, people with this condition make the decission to get themselves better when they are faced with a life changing loss; for example losing a job, losing their freedom (jail time), or losing someone they love. These are the types of things that often make people contemplate what they want to do with the rest of their life. Often, as long as they are not forced to make a decission, they won't.

One book suggestion I have for you is "Codependent No More".

Take care,
-T


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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I will try and get that book. I know she is making bad decisions and to some extent has always had trouble making decisions of any kind.

Last week she was getting tickets for a concert for our boys and then asked me if wanted to go. I said I would love to go just to see what she would say.

She said ok, but we would have to keep it under wraps so her new boyfriend wouldnt find out. Almost like she was now having a secret meeting with her ex (me). Then she said that he is very threatend by me and that she doesnt want to start her relationship with him by telling lies.

Then she bounced it off him and he didnt like it so she recinded the invite. Comical almost if it wasnt so hurtful. I cant believe she is actually talking to me about her new relationship and how she doesnt want to start off with lies like im her girlfriend or something.

I told her not to worry about it but i still believe this girl is messed up and is going to get worse down the road.

She has lost so much integrity in our small town and is not allowed to bring him to family functions as some her family is disgusted by him and what they have done. She is allowed to go but not him.
The affair is no longer an affair in my mind, as he has left his wife and babies and his truck is now in her driveway out in the open. She has even introduced my youngest son to him and he is around more and more.

I am moving on and if this is saved somehow down the road, it would be a miracle. She has a long tough road ahead of her.


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W-42
M-16y
T-19 y
s10 s15
BombDec.19/09
Sep-F16/10
Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10
Recon July 5/10
PA foundOut- Oct 30/10
Mental HospNov/10
moved out Nov/10
Leg Sep Mar 15/11
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She was at our sons hockey game today and I coach it. Usually I dont look at her in the stands but today I did alot. She has lost a tonn of weight but is now looking a little haggard. She is still beautiful but for the first time, I looked at her at felt a little more sorry for her. Dont get me wrong, im still pissed at what she has done to our family but I believe that she is suffering alot.

She has this fake smile on and was cheering at times when it was not appropriate. I think she is on the boarder of being out of it most of the time. She was also chewing her gum frankly like a cow. She is not in a good place and I wonder if this will get worse for her.

I fully expect her boyfriend to move in by the end of next month as he is living above a cheap hotel for now but is always over there. She introduced him to our one son and he seemed out of sorts a little today at the game.

Our older son has little to do with her and she asked him to stay over night but he refused. I know this bothers her but not enought to stop doing what she is doing. She has basically traded our 15 year old in for a scumbag. I mentioned that to her once and she said it was my fault that her relationship with s15 is fractured because i could not lower my voice when i found out about OM via texts I found on her blackberry.

ITs a long story.

Good news is that she is ready to sign papers on legal sep ASAP where I am getting a fair settlement.

I still have a glimmer of hope of recon. but I am very cautious as I feel she really thinks she loves OM for some reason despite the long road they have ahead of them.


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W-42
M-16y
T-19 y
s10 s15
BombDec.19/09
Sep-F16/10
Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10
Recon July 5/10
PA foundOut- Oct 30/10
Mental HospNov/10
moved out Nov/10
Leg Sep Mar 15/11
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The dance contiues. She texted me this morning about the lawyer stuff and the sepearation and that she will try and get it done ASAP as per my request.

She told me she was caught off guard that I talked to her in the lobby of the arena and thanked me for doing so ; even though it was just lawyer stuff.

I know she wants me to talk to her and to be pleasant to her but that part is just about done.

She sent me another text talking about young son and his girlfriend. Making idle chit chat.

I did not respond to either text and I will not unless it is directly involved with the kids.

All you member that are reading my sitch. Do you think there is still hope even though she is pretty sure she is in love with the OM right now. She is mentally unstable for sure and may be bipolar and depressed.

She cheated in November 09 with this guy, came back to me in July /10 , ended her affair with him for two weeks than continued again until I caught her Oct /10.

They will be living together soon. How much is too much?

I fluctuate on that every other day. Sometimes I think that it is way beyond saving and other times I think there is still hope.

Especially when since January, she has asked me twice if it is too late to come back at some point down the road as I think she knows that her future with him is going to be a rocky one.

I know that Denver and True Gritter have some thoughts , I would love to hear them.

Having a down day today unfortunately.

NINE
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M-46
W-42
M-16y
T-19 y
s10 s15
BombDec.19/09
Sep-F16/10
Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10
Recon July 5/10
PA foundOut- Oct 30/10
Mental HospNov/10
moved out Nov/10
Leg Sep Mar 15/11
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Nine the hope is up to you! More of the same or try something new. I figure I will make myself happy and not worry what the wife does. You can't for your own sanity. Will she make better decisions, who knows. Live for you and be happy. That's all any of us can do in our crappy situations.


Me 44
W 38
M 18
D 18
D 13
Bomb 10/21/2010
Divorced 7/19/2011
Just getting to the 7th inning!

Don't take life so serious, it's just life!
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Hi Nine, my sympathy for what you're going through.
Given what you've said...it's inevitable that your W is on the road for a break of some sort. The weight loss, the mental confusion all point in that direction.

Your choice as I see it, is whether you're going to be around when that happens.

I'm going to have to face that choice too at some point. I think though, in my case my H has got a long way to go and can stay holed up and virtually isolated for quite some time.

All I can do is say I'm sorry you're having a bad day and commiserate with you. Try to get out and do something kind for yourself today. (((Nine)))


BITS
Me-51, WAS-52
Kids 2
M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013
Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice.
Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
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Thanks SW and S and C. It really is unpleasnat this limbo crap but you are both right. Its up to me to take as much control as i can. All things do point to a breakdown at some point but that could take months or even years. She said she was unhappy with me for years but never had to go through all the other stress that she is facing.

Her BIL hating her and not allowing her to go to his house thereby not allowing her to see her sister where she used to always go for a drink. Her older son not really responding to her because he cant believe what she has done and is doing.

These things must put tremendous stress on her. For that matter not having me to lean on as she has done for the last 20 years but I guess she has someone else to lean on and maybe all the stress they are going through together is makeing their relationship stronger. But that also cause it to be too much someday.

I am so confused. Obviously their relationship must end if there is ever to be hope for us again. Do i have the stones to wait it out while life passes by?

I know that I must GAL and try and be happy but I can see the writing on the wall. I dont think I will ever be trully happy without my family back. I really believe in the family unit and cannot believe my kids have to go through this. They are resilient but not really.

Cant wait for this winter to end so i can get back on my bike which saved me last time she left. I put on 8000km as a novice rider. It really helped me deal with this.

9
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BITS
M-46
W-42
M-16y
T-19 y
s10 s15
BombDec.19/09
Sep-F16/10
Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10
Recon July 5/10
PA foundOut- Oct 30/10
Mental HospNov/10
moved out Nov/10
Leg Sep Mar 15/11
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