I am sorry you are going through this again. Hugs my dear..... Only you know what the right thing for you to do is. I will be praying for you and your H. I do believe sometimes in life that love is not enough. You deserve peace and contentment....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Again, I'm sorry you are going through this again. However, I am very proud of you. I love how you are handling this. You are choosing YOU now. You are right, you deserve to live in peace.
I am not an advocate for divorce, but sometimes I think it is necessary. I can tell you as a divorce woman of 2 years, I am more at peace than I was the few years leading up to it. I can also tell you that it's not so scary on the other side. In fact, it's quite liberating. Your free to focus on yourself. I think the term DIVORCE is more scary than anything else.
You will be fine. You know you have done the best you can. Please don't ever beat yourself up for not wanting to stand for your marriage anymore. Most people wouldn't stand the first time around, never mind a second round of this bs.
You are a phenomenal woman! You have the support of everyone here and the support of your family. Your husband is a big boy, and he can learn to take care of himself. You just focus on you!
Anyway, we have decided to divorce. I think it will be better in the long run. He has found himslef an apartment near work and I can't do this again. It's too bad because I do love him and 29 years of M is a long time.
YR,
I'm very sorry things are turning out this way; know that you have done all you can; but you can't do this alone...it truly takes two; may you find peace within all of the turmoil.
It may be after the divorce before he truly finds himself; and sees all that he lost by not having faced himself when he was within the tunnel years ago.
But, like you know, it's not YOU, it's HIM...and he is the only one who can figure this out....sometimes it takes losing everything to find that what was the best thing that ever happened to you was in front of you all along.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love to you, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
Dear YR, I am so very sorry that the ugly MLC monster has emerged again. I agree with everyone here - my divorce want through a few weeks ago, after more than 5 years post bomb, and 2 years of the divorce being on and off. I was dreading it, with every fibre of my being, but MissH is right, there is a peace this side, and I am not saying it to make you feel good. The process is horrible, reducing years of happy marriage to a division of assets, and it seems such a terrible waste, as they aren't happier after all of this destruction.
Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you - and I do recommend 'The Journey from Abandonment to Healing' Together with these boards, that book was one of the most helpful things I have encountered. It really helps YOU move to a better place emotionally. The person who wrote it has been there, and dealt with it herself.
YR, I'm very sorry to come here this evening and read what has transpired over the last few days. You have done everything humanly possible to make this work and you can't do it alone. You've given it the best shot that you can and I'm sure you will continue to be the person that you've always been, i.e., that wonderful person that we all have come to know and love.
As for what your h told your son, he's projecting. He's right back in the game of mlc and wanting to make you look like the bad guy. Step back, don't buy into his babble.
See a lawyer, ask questions and do what you need to do in order to protect yourself and your assets. When the dust settles, you will find that some of the heavy burden will have lifted.
You are going to be okay...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
[quote=yellowrose]Right at this moment, the stress has lifted. [/quote}
You are finding peace because you took charge and made a solid decision. Stress comes with doubt, contention comes with confidence, very proud of you.
See your lawyer and protect yourself, absolutely. Divorce, does not mean anything more than not accepting a marriage in the manner in which it is being lived. It has nothing to do with your feelings and emotions. MEANING.... The decisions that are hardest for us can sometimes be those that we make based on our brains rather than our blood pumping organ.
Boundaries are about what our emotional stability needs. If we take too much emotional stress on ourselves we crack. We make bad decisions and we do things that are otherwise arbitrary to our normal thoughts. Part of the ongoing battle is to keep yourself balanced and understand that your decisions have to be based on whats best for YOU, not the "us" that you are used to thinking for.
I do not have a lot of time today (lots of homework), but I will leave you with this. You made a comment about 29 years coming to this, well in the words of the immortal Lissie Bean, Shut It 29 years have given you a ton and you know it. Endings, even shittty ones, do not forgoe our memories and experiences that we have had. Your 29 years is not for nothing because he is failing your marriage, I believe your kids would probably second that....
Thank you all for all your comments. I have given it my all and it will take some time for me to pay for a D but I think it is the best thing. This coming and going with my H was really starting to take a toll on my health and I have to be here for my D.
I am really calm with is scary to me. I am not sitting here crying and depressed. I am actually relaxed. I slept good last night and even took time to catch a snooze this afternoon.
I did talk to my H last night and he had told me he had gotten an effiency apt, its unfurnished. He will be coming with my son maybe Friday to pick up his things. He was nervous to come alone. I guess he is scared, but I told him I am fine.
I am keeping myself really busy, it's lonely but at least I have my D. My S and his family call me every day to make sure I am okay and stopped over tonight. That helped. I know I will have some rough times in the future but in my heart I know I will be fine. God is watching over me!
Yellowrose, I have been following you for a long time. I don't post very much on your threads, but I do read them. You did EVERYTHING you could, and then some! You have nothing to be ashamed of and you should have no regrets. When you do all you can do, there is no more. Many people don't understand that and let other just keep crapping on them and they hang around and lose all their dignity by being a doormat. You have done the right thing! You can't make someone love you or want to be with you. You stood once, it wasn't good enough for him, so let him hit the road. You deserve better and its out there for you!!!!!
YR, Your H does not have a sense of what an amazing person you have been to stand through all of this. Really I think that those of us who stand are exceptional for trying to understand, trying to work through it, making changes in ourselves, and working hard.
You certainly do deserve better.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
29 years have given you a ton and you know it. Endings, even shittty ones, do not forgoe our memories and experiences that we have had. Your 29 years is not for nothing because he is failing your marriage, I believe your kids would probably second that....