Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,031
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,031
Originally Posted By: John170
well she just text me again about divorce. i nicely told her i was working on myself and would not be a part of destroying our family. if she wanted a divorce i wouldn't fight her but would not be an active participant.


Nice work John.


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
J
John170 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
she has been asking the same question for three months but hasn't filed anything.


m-02/06/1999

s-10/01/2008

r-12/15/2008

s-10-03-2010

dbomb-11/01/2010
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
So why don't you answer? Eventually she's going to get a L to see if she can get what she wants now.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
J
John170 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
what should i tell her i told her if she wanted one get it that i wasnt going to fight her


m-02/06/1999

s-10/01/2008

r-12/15/2008

s-10-03-2010

dbomb-11/01/2010
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 310
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 310
Originally Posted By: John170
hope i was reading you situation. let me tell u people say trust ur gut feeling in a relationship i can tell u from personal experience do not trust ur gut with ur spouse. i did and ended up looking like a fool every single time. your mind will play tricks on u and i was wrong every single time


I've been wrong 50% of the time. I'm learning to slowly stop reacting and start thinking longer before I respond. Has helped tremendously in my sitch.

Originally Posted By: John170
well she just text me again about divorce. i nicely told her i was working on myself and would not be a part of destroying our family. if she wanted a divorce i wouldn't fight her but would not be an active participant.


Stop trying to make her feel guilty. Be honest with yourself - you were a part in destroying your family the minute you cheated. You're a part every single time you say something negative to her. You're a part every time you crowd her, beg her, put her down, lay a guilt trip on her. "working on myself and would not be a part of destroying our family" is a very manipulative thing to say. Do you know why? (that's a serious question... trying to help you here).

Originally Posted By: MrBond
john,

This is essentially the same post you listed when you first got on here several months ago. You haven't learned anything. You continue to poke and prod your W. You haven't dealt with your anger and insecurity issues. And then you keep wondering why she's not even responding back to your texts.

Leave her alone.

"stop accusing her of being with another man, for some reason that infuriates her."

Let's get real here. You were the one who had the affair and it's your insecurities that made you think she was seeing another guy before. You constantly bothered and checked up on her when you were having your side salad and you're still doing it.

Go back and start realizing your faults and change those. You sending your W the videos etc. you're telling her that she needs to change. She doesn't. YOU DO.


I agree with Bond. I haven't read all your posts from 4 months ago but I can see your knee-jerk responses and that you're reacting big time. You can say "you were wrong", etc until you're blue in the face but actions speak louder than words. You're in pain, that's understandable.... but you're depending on her to FIX your pain, agree to make up and make you happy again. Sorry, John, it doesn't work that way. You made a huge mistake and you're compounding it. WHY would she want to come back to that? Love? When you keep pushing her? It doesn't matter what she feels/felt... she's going to RUN to avoid being in the same situation she left.

Is it hopeless? No. Will she change her mind and come back to you? Probably not. Not the guy you are right now. You have once chance - you have to work on YOU. You have to change. NOT to win her back - but for you. Because if you learn nothing from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them, in relationship after relationship and often blaming the other people for not being able to forgive you. Become a good man that no one would want to leave. Be kind, support, honest, loyal, considerate, loyal, true, patient, confident, full of integrity. Behave and conduct yourself like that man that you want to be and guess what? You'll become that man.

Now, get to work. Make some lists. Start digging deep. Go to C if you're not already. Actions speak louder than words.


Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy
H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16

Dating 4/07
M 10/08
Bomb #1 12/10
Bomb #2 1/11
Bomb #3 12/11
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
J
John170 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
well what should have been my response, sure ill agree to your terms


m-02/06/1999

s-10/01/2008

r-12/15/2008

s-10-03-2010

dbomb-11/01/2010
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
J
John170 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
would look i don't want a divorce but i understand your feelings and wont stand in you way. i will agree to whatever terms are least troubling for you


m-02/06/1999

s-10/01/2008

r-12/15/2008

s-10-03-2010

dbomb-11/01/2010
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,948
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,948
John, nothing moves that quick with divorce. From just your few posts I can confident ally say that you need to take a week of no contact to figure yourself out. One more text to say, I'll get back to you on that." and then no more. Leave her alone...even if she texts you. Just figure yourself out. Make a list of what you would like to improve about yourself and then start with other people...friends, coworkers, and strangers. You've crowded her out so bad that you need a chance to reverse things. Your response if she wonders is that you have been busy


You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 794
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 794
John,

Do you want to agree to her terms? Telling her that you won't stand in her way for a divorce is good. But do you like the terms that she is proposing. Because if you don't, I wouldn't be agreeing to them.

LIS


Me- 40
H - 43
M - 5
T - 14
Separated 2/5/11
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
J
John170 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 368
Phoenix your right i have crowed her and pushed her, hell i did go a week without texting her and she began to ask friends have they heard from me. just gotta get the will power to stop pushing her.

lostscared no i dont agree with her terms


m-02/06/1999

s-10/01/2008

r-12/15/2008

s-10-03-2010

dbomb-11/01/2010
Page 3 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard