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Is fear clouding your judgment? Possibly. Certainly, your sitch is unique due to your W's deployment.

How often do you email your W, again?

Does she respond?

If no, when was the last time that she did?

Does she initiate contact of any kind?

How often do you send care packages?

How long is W's deployment?

Has W told you where she plans to live when she returns?

The question is whether or not you are pursuing and pressuring your W with what you are doing now. I agree that seeing your changes is more difficult with her deployment, but I think that it is still possible. IF you can get to a point where she is initiating contact, you can slowly move into friendly back and forth contact. I think that it is possible that she will be able to 'see' your changes through your communication, how you talk to her, what you say to her... But I think that we need to figure out where you are exactly in the steps...


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
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[edited by dbmod, anti-marriage, anti-DB advice]

Last edited by dbmod; 01/27/11 04:30 AM.

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
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New here; how do I start my own post or thread or whatever?

Opie

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Originally Posted By: Denver_2010

How often do you email your W, again?
I did daily. Haven't for 3 days now.

Does she respond?
No.

If no, when was the last time that she did?
She hasn't.

Does she initiate contact of any kind?
If I go about a week without saying anything to her, she will start a chat with me.

How often do you send care packages?
Last one was for Christmas.

How long is W's deployment?
Its for 6 months, and she gets back at the beginning of April, possibly mid april.

Has W told you where she plans to live when she returns?
No, she says she wants to return and then move back to the east coast for Fall semester. She hasn't told me her plans up to that point.

But I think that we need to figure out where you are exactly in the steps...
I agree, we generally have a friendly back and forth, but usually with me initiating.


Originally Posted By: Phoenixdeux
Let me ask you something...how would you trust her again? What if you had a couple kids with her then she chose to cheat again? Do you feel your video gaming gave her carte Blanche to submarine the marriage?


I think "okay, but what is the long term outlook? What do you lose by walking away?"

If you improve yourself and she doesn't notice and want the new you...why do you want her?


I'm not sure on the trust thing. I think its something that will take a long time to rebuild, but eventually I think I can.
No I don't think video gaming gives her a pass to do whatever, but I do feel quite a bit of my own guilt for her not wanting to remain married.

I think its necessary for me to feel like I have made every last effort that I am capable of to save my marriage, partially from my own views on divorce. Partially from knowing that every relationship goes through a really tough time (mine might be a little extreme). And partially from really and truly loving her.

If I do improve myself, and she doesn't want the new me, or the old me, or any me. I think I will have to give up. I truthfully love being with her, I always told people that I married my best friend. I don't know, I can't describe exactly why I want to try to make it work, its a whole combination of things.

I think thats a road that I'll have to cross if I come to it though, until then I think I'm going to act as if.

Thanks Y'all.

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Last night I initiated a chat with her, and all I asked her was what her thoughts on filing taxes Married Jointly was. She said sure that's fine, I don't care. I said that I needed her W2's then, and the conversation ended.

Her Mom called today, since we talk about once a week. She brought my wife up, and was curious as to why she hasn't heard much from her. She was concerned as to how things are going, and all I could say is that I honestly don't have a clue how things are. My wife talks to her mother about once a week, but neither of us have heard from her in a bit.

I feel like I need to let her chase me, and it'll take about 1 1/2 weeks of not chatting with her before she will initiate contact, but at the same time I feel like I need to get the taxes done which requires contact with her.

What should I do?

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Well here is an indicator as to where we stand:

I asked her tonight for her W2, and asked her how she wanted to deal with the refund. Here is the exact conversation:

Her: I'm dling my w2 now

Me: How would you like to deal with the refund.
Me: You got screwed last year, and I feel a lot of pain from what I did.

Her: yeah, I really don't care.

Me: frown

Her: well you do whatever you want anyway

Me: Not anymore.
Me: That's why I'm asking you.

Her: I just sent them
Her: well I really don't care - just take it
Her: do w/e with it

Me: I got them. Thank you. There is so much else that I want to say, but I won't. Goodnight.

So from that exchange, I'd say we are not well.
What do I do? How can I show her that I'm different and she matters?

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Sent her an email last night letting her know that I would love it if she would email me or call me.

Now begins the waiting game so see if she will actually initiate contact.

This [censored].

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Well. In the past week my wife has iniated contact three times. Last night she even called me. That's only the third time in six months she's called me. (on a humoreous note, every call I've been somewhere away from home. Twice living in a tent at an exercise)

Our conversation went well, mostly just catching up, but no displays of affection on either side.

So I guess this is good, as my goal was to get her to iniate contact and to have her call me. Baby steps. Can I even take this as a sign there is hope?

Where do I go from here? She has about 40 days left before she leaves Afghanistan.

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Well. In the past week my wife has iniated contact three times. Last night she even called me. That's only the third time in six months she's called me. (on a humoreous note, every call I've been somewhere away from home. Twice living in a tent at an exercise)

Our conversation went well, mostly just catching up, but no displays of affection on either side.

So I guess this is good, as my goal was to get her to iniate contact and to have her call me. Baby steps. Can I even take this as a sign there is hope?

Where do I go from here? She has about 40 days left before she leaves Afghanistan.

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My wife said yesterday that she tried to call me, and I was in a place that had no reception so she may have. That's two phone calls within a few weeks, which is odd when that would have made only the 4th phone call of the whole trip.

She does want me to go to a local car dealer, and check out a small pickup truck she found online. Should I do this for her?

On a side note, does anyone reply here?

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