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A Message from Michele
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Re: Need Insight III [Re: dbmod] #2120109
01/13/11 01:35 PM
01/13/11 01:35 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
I
InAPickle Offline OP
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InAPickle  Offline OP
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Jacksonville, FL
Originally Posted By: dbmod
It doesn't have to go that way.

I don't ask the money question to be cynical, I'm sure the connection part is real. My perspective is that people often ignore the 400 pound gorilla.



dbmod:
I hope I understood you correctly, but just to be sure.
What exactly did you see as the 400lb gorilla?


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Re: Need Insight III [Re: InAPickle] #2120111
01/13/11 01:46 PM
01/13/11 01:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
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InAPickle Offline OP
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InAPickle  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Got a question for the forum:

Now you may not believe this but after 18 yrs of marriage, I feel like I don't even know my W anymore, so I want to find out what her LL's really are.

I myself took the online survey.

But how can I find out hers without pursuing?


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Re: Need Insight III [Re: InAPickle] #2120221
01/13/11 08:42 PM
01/13/11 08:42 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,031
Colorado
D
Denver_2010 Offline
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Denver_2010  Offline
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Posts: 3,031
Colorado
Hey Pickle. I don't have an answer to your question bc I haven't read the book. But thought I'd reply to give you a bump so that maybe someone else can weigh in.


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
Re: Need Insight III [Re: Denver_2010] #2120339
01/14/11 04:22 AM
01/14/11 04:22 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
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InAPickle Offline OP
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InAPickle  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Thanks Denver.
Looks like I've counfounded everybody. Oh well.

S12 and I are camping, or should I say freezing our butts off, with the boyscouts this weekend. It will be good to get away for a couple of days.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Re: Need Insight III [Re: InAPickle] #2120343
01/14/11 04:44 AM
01/14/11 04:44 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 195
Denver
M
mj144 Offline
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mj144  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 195
Denver
Read the book 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is very helpful. They are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Physical Touch
5. Quality Time


M42
W38
D5D7
M8
Living as 'roomates' since 9-12-10
Moved out 1-7-11
FIL threatened to kill me 1-20-11
Re: Need Insight III [Re: InAPickle] #2120347
01/14/11 05:02 AM
01/14/11 05:02 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
I
InAPickle Offline OP
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InAPickle  Offline OP
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Jacksonville, FL
Just a curiosity here.

Remember when I posted W was reading a self help book on finding happiness? Well I guess she's finished with it b/c for the last few days it's been left on the kitchen counter, not laying flat mind you, but propped up against the backsplash as if on display at a book store. That's highly unusual. We have hundreds of books in bookcases throughout the house, and whenever she's done with a book she'll put it back on the shelf. Wonder if she wants someone to pick it up? May be one of her bunko guests from the other night?

The book is "Thrive, finding happiness the blue zones way" by: Dan Beuttner.

I have flipped through it and am not enticed by it. Hypothetically though, if she wanted me to look at it wouldn't it make sense just to say, "I think you should read this"?

The fact that she devoured it in less than a week, screams to me that she has not "found happiness" and is still looking. But I already know she's not happy - Duh!

The only thing I can think of is she might want me to sneak a peak and suddenly be enlightened by it's wisdom and eureka! I can be happily divorced. And then I can "cooperate" in her plans.

Am I thinking too much about this?
Trust me, I would not be if it was not unusual.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Re: Need Insight III [Re: InAPickle] #2120367
01/14/11 07:07 AM
01/14/11 07:07 AM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,031
Colorado
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Denver_2010 Offline
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Posts: 3,031
Colorado
Originally Posted By: InAPickle

The only thing I can think of is she might want me to sneak a peak and suddenly be enlightened by it's wisdom and eureka! I can be happily divorced. And then I can "cooperate" in her plans.

Am I thinking too much about this?
Trust me, I would not be if it was not unusual.


I agree that it is very odd the way the book was positioned in your kitchen. I definitely would think that it was done on purpose. I'm not saying though that I think that she thought you'd read it, be enlightened, and then agree to be happily divorced. Maybe she wanted you to look at it to understand the what and why of her feelings right now. I don't know, but I think you are right that she was up to something.


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
Re: Need Insight III [Re: InAPickle] #2120395
01/14/11 12:16 PM
01/14/11 12:16 PM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,698
T
Truegritter Offline
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Truegritter  Offline
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Posts: 2,698
Originally Posted By: Pickle
Am I thinking too much about this?


Ayep.

On your LL question. Now is the not the time IMO for you to be discovering her LL

I think that could come into play in the reconciliation stage.

What would you do with the info you gain on her love language?

When I read it and took the little test I could pretty much guess what I think my W is.

But then again I may not know so...

Don't you wish people were more like dogs? If we had tails you could pretty much tell when they are happy huh?


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Re: Need Insight III [Re: Truegritter] #2120398
01/14/11 12:37 PM
01/14/11 12:37 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
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InAPickle Offline OP
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InAPickle  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
[quote=Pickle]Don't you wish people were more like dogs? If we had tails you could pretty much tell when they are happy huh?


I just thought if I knew her LL's I could subtly work on them w/o pursuing.

I know W is not happy - not around me anyway.

She's all jokes and laughter with her GF's etc, but around the house, it's obvious, even when she's trying to interact nicely w/kids.

There is no joy in being not happy and then pretending to be happy around everyone else - I know 'cause I've been struggling with that myself.

The thing I really seek no matter what emotion I am experiencing or what mood I happen to be in is the inner joy, which comes from believing in something no matter what I see going on all around me.

I had that once and I'm gonna get there again.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Re: Need Insight III [Re: InAPickle] #2120411
01/14/11 02:08 PM
01/14/11 02:08 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
I
InAPickle Offline OP
Member
InAPickle  Offline OP
Member
I
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Long Distance EA Snooping report.
(W in FL, OM in OH)

I checked W's phone activity on line this AM.

Yesterday, she and OM sent/rec'd 29 text messages

Before 8:00 AM today there were 3.

What??

So in love they cannot stay away from texting?
Planning another rendevous?
Fighting?

It's mind boggling, anyone seen this kind of thing before?


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Page 13 of 14 1 2 11 12 13 14

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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