they really come back

[mdoodles]

u can find my long posts under he is back i think, and he was back i think....

ive posted recently about how well ive been doing and how it seems h is sorry and only wants to hang out with me.

well wow, last night he was here to see son, we do get along well, all considering. and i turned him down big time in terms of sex. have to say im really proud and shocked with myself lol...

he told me the other day he isnt happy at home or with his decision.

my answer was - i refuse to feel bad for u. i refuse to feel bad for someone that i tried to so hard to make realize this would happen. u made your decision and i cannot go through this again.

last night i said, shouldnt u go home? wont she be looking for u? what do u say? u are working late like u used to tell me? i said, i just cannot do this, if u want sex, find someone random, i am not random, i dont do random, and if i did, it wouldnt be with u. he couldnt believe i can turn him down...he was all reminiscent, talking about my bedroom as his, his bed. i said no, u left this bed its no longer yours.

it really is amazing and satisfying that they do come back at some point and im rather surprised he is back so quickly, figured it would take much longer, like a good 5 years. and while it is satisfying, im over it and do not wish to reopen it.

if only now i could realize my exboyfriend will do the same lol...

for all of you on this board going through what i did, it will get better. unfortunately time is the answer and that [censored] but read my posts and see that it does get better, it really really does. and they do feel bad, all of them, even mine, who was so far gone.

gee, i wonder how psycho ow is feeling now, its not all they dreamed it would be over there it seems.....

[Sanderika]

Hello mdoodles,

I have followed along with you for a very long time now....

I have always admired your courage and strength.

I am happy to hear that you are in a good place and you and little son, I still want to call him that are doing so well.

Your H (I am surprised you are not divorced yet) is one amazing creature. I knew from the beginning that he would not be done with you. He never was and he never will be and it's such a shame the destruction that was caused by his selfish desires.

This is all so very sad. Your wonderful family in ruin and H still lurking...I mean, What do you really do with it all?

I am proud of you that you can enforce your boundaries and stick to them....I am not so able.

The old adage "You always want what you can't have" applies very well in your current sitch.

My H and I are just like you and your H, we get along absolutely great, almost like we are married and in love, with no chit going down between us. My H and I see each other very frequently, we have wonderful conversations and can laugh and sit with each other for hours. WTF?!?!

I am schedule for a final divorce hearing on January 13, 2011 and I am in shock that H and I are finally putting an end to our almost 32 year relationship. While I understand and can accept this now (you know I couldn't have before) I am still deeply saddened that two people who appear to have no problems with one another can actually divorce. For the record, OW is still in our picture, but hanging by a thread currently. H does not appear to spend much time with her.

I am curious where your divorce stands. Is your H possibly trying to salvage your relationship in the 11th hour?

It is so good to read your update, you are one marvelous lady

(((((Hugs to you and little son)))))

Sanderika

[mdoodles]

hello sanderika! i often think of you, i do not check in here too often but when i do, i look for you and do not think i have seen any posts from you...

as for my divorce, it is bitter between the lawyers but almost done. i think h drags it on because he knows he doesnt want to marryher and she is there waiting to be married....

i received a copy of the stipulation yesterday, which would be out final agreement should we agree...im in no hurry for a final divorce, as long as i have health insurance and child support, im not looking to be remarried tomorrow lol...

cant remember, but did i post they had baby? yep, they did. and live with my in-laws. unbelievable right? and here h is, not happy and wanting to only spend time with me. hahahaha...

im definitely over it. there is no going back, no fixing it. however, i do know it wouldnt take much on his part to bring my feeling back, but the baby really sealed the deal on this one, not to mention i cannot trust him and the financial damage is too much for anyone in my family to bear.

ive had a great time since i moved out of that house. had a serious boyfriend (no longer though) and i was in love him and still am....whole other story completely but it is so interesting to me that after what i went through getting over h, it was so possible to fall so deeply for someone else...ugh, im trying to get over him now and its not so easy! i need divorce busting over a boyfriend!

please fill me in on how you are doing! im glad to hear u have accepted the situation, i know it isnt easy and no one can force the feeling.that is what i have to remind myself about my exboyfriend. cant force the getting over it feeling. it just happens. and it [censored]!

but believe me sanderika, life is good on this other side! i look back and see that h isnt so much the one for me...im too bubbly and fun and he is just not lol...

[Sanderika]

Happy Christmas Eve to you and little son,

Thank you for thinking of me. I think about you often too

I can now see that life will be good no matter what.

I will survive because I am strong and a better person.

I will post more to you after the holidays. I have been so busy finalizing details. I always overdo things so son will have glorious holidays.

Merry Christmas to you mdoodles and little son....

(((warm Hugs)))

Sanderika

[StillLearning]

Granted I have not read any other posts than what are here but I am curious as to why you post on Divorce Busting when it seems the two of you are happy getting divorced?

[mdoodles]

if you were to read our past posts, you would see how long we were member here and what we have gone through...people check in on this site, they develop friendships through this board. just because our marriages may end in divorce, does not mean it is not an ongoing battle nor do we forget what we went through.

[Sanderika]

AlwaysLoveMyWife,

We post for the support we desperately need in what is or has been the most gut-wrenching, painful experience of our lives.

We post to each other because of the wonderful friendships that have been formed as a result of the supportive communication we received during our times of need.

There is still something to be thankful for when you are accepted by friends who know by experience exactly what you have endured.

Don't you think mdoodles and I would have rather had our sitches turned around? YUP!!!

Since they did/will not, we still have grown as women learning invaluable lessons along this journey that are worthy of sharing.

As you embark on this journey and over time, btw TIME will become something you notice and will have lessons to learn about, you will find out just how important your DB family will become to you.

I wish you well as you survive this crisis in your life.

Sanderika

[Sanderika]

Hello mdoodles,

I hope you and little son had a wonderful Christmas.

Son and I have experienced a marvelous and maybe miraculous Christmas.

H spent the entire Christmas day and evening with us. He brought us lovely gifts. We, as a family, had a great deal of fun playing on snowmobiles and eating and napping and playing wii games. I felt real and possible for us for the first time in two years.

H came over yesterday and stayed from 1:00 til 9:00pm, he and son did a chore together in the barn and again we played wii games, ate lunch and lots of cookies and H napped for a couple of hours. He said he need time to relax, I am so happy he picked our home.

Tell me about your Christmas.

(((Hugs to you and little son)))

Sanderika

[mdoodles]

glad your holiday went well...we do not celebrate christmas but we did have a nice hanukah (sooo not the same as christmas though lol)....im very amused these days as to h's unhappiness...he's been trying to hang around here lately and unfortunately ive been letting him, to an extent...i think it intrigues him how well ive finally moved on, he knows i had a serious boyfriend, he knows ive entered a whole new life without him...im almost laughing that im his escape,,,,my my my, how the roles have reversed....have you seen its complicated? i swear its my life lol

[Sanderika]

Happy New Year to You and Little Son, mdoodles.....

I am happy to read that your Hanukah was very nice. It is truly a magical time of year regardless of how we all celebrate the season.

I was not able to post too much since I have to be in D court next Thurs. 13th for our final hearing. I am not doing all that well emotionally. I really can't believe that after all this time and the reconnections we have made that this is actually going to happen.

I am planning to have a long talk with H prior. Regardless of the outcome in court there are numerous things that need to be tidied up: credit cards and bank accounts, names on deeds, registrations, etc.... almost 27 years married adds up to a lot of combined chit.

How are you getting along. What is happening between you and H. I am curious how little son reacts to H spending so much time with you now, does he have expectations that Daddy is coming home?

I had a long talk with my son, he's 14, and he said at this point in time he really doesn't care one way or another if H and I reconcile or divorce. He feels his life will not be different either way. In reality I think he likes it best when H is not around. I think sons feels a true estrangement from his father and at his age will not be able to have a true father/son relationship with him again due to all the years of hurt and neglect. I wonder why things have to be so darn hard.....

mdoodles, I want to get to the point of being like you. Maybe with a divorce decree in my hand I will be able to fully detach.

I wish you and little son all the best in this coming year. I hope we can both continue to grow as the past should have made us wiser and we can be thankful for the present. I hope good things will find us both in the future.

Take care, your friend...

Sanderika