Preparing to file, Looking for advice here!

[amg2]

I am in IC and have been since before final dday 10 months ago. I had actually started having some very eye opening revelations about myself, to myself, shortly before he was caught. I've been told multiple times that this isn't coincidence, which I believe, but can't explain. I have a history of being reactive. Very reactive, especially with him. It was "a dynamic" from the start. I continue and will stick with my "inner work" which is more important to me than anything.

Just as a piece of info, we didn't "try" to have children. Just never seemed to be the right time. Somewhat in part to his (in hindsight) selfishness with is income, career, etc. BUT, I've never been very kid driven myself. I actually had given serious thought to getting pregnant this past summer before dday. THANK GOODNESS that didn't come about. I would crumble under that pressure.

In hindsight, just about everything he's done since we got together as teenagers was something I told him to do, or influenced him in some way. He has never "shown up" in the relationship, is completely unassertive and doesn't know who he is. That's his journey to go through. He was never a bum, a jerk, a player...kind of hard to explain.

I will probably file in January. I'm considering it a birthday present to myself. I guess that sounds crass. It really is a gift, of sorts, to myself and my sanity and my improving life.

I'm really glad to have the advice here and can hopefully provide helpful info to others too.

[amg2]

Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend! I think my next level of B.S. might have started tonight with some uncharacteristic "button pushing" by my stbx. Basically he moved some money around in our (still) joint account. He probably thought this would set me off...it kind of did, but not really. I wasn't going to argue about it. So then the texts started non stop. Basically he asked if I was willing to speak to him in person or not (it is typical for him to say he's not talking to me because I don't want to--blame me for his not stepping up). I never did answer that question. I asked what he wanted to talk about and he listed 4 non-lawyer type items. Then based on one of my responses to that started saying that apparently he had no say, blah blah blah. I said "I just asked you to send me a list of items. The list you sent didn't contain anything that we aren't in agreement on or need a lawyer to discuss w us. I don't see the problem." And basically left it at that.

One of the items what what we'll do if we run into each other at a place we often frequented together. Really? That's discussion worthy? How the hell would I know? I told him I didn't know, that I'd never been divorced before. I should have told him it depended how much I'd had to drink Totally joking. I did tell him that I had not interest in being his "friend" or "buddy" if that helped clarify things for him. That he had not treated my like a "friend".

This better not be what I'm in for. I'm not doing it. Not to mention he hasn't had anything to say for 10 months. The good news: It really didn't rattle me. Just annoying. Good to note, as my counselor would say.

Thanks for listening,
AMG

[newmama]

One of the items what what we'll do if we run into each other at a place we often frequented together. Really? That's discussion worthy? How the hell would I know? I told him I didn't know, that I'd never been divorced before. I should have told him it depended how much I'd had to drink Totally joking. I did tell him that I had not interest in being his "friend" or "buddy" if that helped clarify things for him. That he had not treated my like a "friend".

OK seeing this as one of your stbxh's concerns made me laugh--is he afraid you will come running at him and scream profanities? Is he afraid you will just ignore him? WTH?

But your response was EXCELLENT. Sorry, with divorce, you don't get to stay friends, mister! Being polite and civil is one thing but anything more...

[soleil]

One of the items what what we'll do if we run into each other at a place we often frequented together. Really? That's discussion worthy? How the hell would I know? I told him I didn't know, that I'd never been divorced before.

LOL. Hilarious.

I did tell him that I had not interest in being his "friend" or "buddy" if that helped clarify things for him. That he had not treated my like a "friend".

Sorry, with divorce, you don't get to stay friends, mister! Being polite and civil is one thing but anything more...[/quote]

Agreed. I am constantly amazed at how WAS' think the relationship with the LBS will be friendly and sweet like nothing wrong ever happened. Why is that? It's insane.