If you're going to respond to your W, then do it in a conversation, not in a letter. You can walk away from a conversation if she begins to escalate.
I'd say something like this:
"W, I'd love to explore dating with an eye on rebuilding our marriage. However, I won't live in an open marriage. When you are willing to break off contact with OM and agree to a transparency plan, I am willing to move forward. Until then, I'm afraid I can't agree to dating."
Or something like that. It gives her an option, it's not pursuing, it still allows you to show your 180s and being the better option, and it demonstrates respect for both her and you.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Ah, it seems we cross-posted. It sounds like the conversation with your W went well, and it's a step in the right direction. You are allowing her to have her own feelings while respecting your own feelings about the situation. THAT'S detachment, and it's a great place to be.
I've got my fingers crossed for you. Just remember, this is a marathon not a sprint.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Excuse me, DBMOD? You are abusing your power. The author of this thread ASKED for opinions and I gave him mine.
I am filing a complaint with the main office about your abuse of power. Just so you know, you, this site and MWD are being slandered of FaceBook due to your staunch editing of posts that NEED NOT BE edited. At least I have the balls to take it to the higher powers and not just badmouth you behind your back and not work up the proper chain of command.
Perhaps if *you* would like the privilege of keeping your "mod" position you should offer the same respect you request.
What I said was fine. What we ALL said was fine. I have a copy of my post as well as all the posts you deleted and edited today. Without the forum members there would be no forum so why are we being stifled when we ARE following the rules yet you don't seem to have to follow any rules?
Clearly our ideas and suggestions are NOT welcomed or else ALL of this editing would not take place for no reason or no explanation when one is requested numerous times. People that cheat also lie. It's reality and an essential part of reconciling a marriage to know how to deal with it. NOBODY can reconcile a marriage when there is a 3rd part. NOBODY. People in this situation MUST know how to deal with it or else everything implodes quickly.
Either start offering explanations or back off. You are not helping yourself, the long standing members of this forum OR the new people in need of assistance. Work WITH US and not against us. The forum exists because of us, not you. It's time you start encouraging US and supporting US. You are not doing a good job when you ignore requests for further information AFTER you delete and modify. And that is NOT okay.
Excuse me, DBMOD? You are abusing your power. The author of this thread ASKED for opinions and I gave him mine.
I am filing a complaint with the main office about your abuse of power. Just so you know, you, this site and MWD are being slandered of FaceBook due to your staunch editing of posts that NEED NOT BE edited. At least I have the balls to take it to the higher powers and not just badmouth you behind your back and not work up the proper chain of command.
Perhaps if *you* would like the privilege of keeping your "mod" position you should offer the same respect you request.
What I said was fine. What we ALL said was fine. I have a copy of my post as well as all the posts you deleted and edited today. Without the forum members there would be no forum so why are we being stifled when we ARE following the rules yet you don't seem to have to follow any rules?
Clearly our ideas and suggestions are NOT welcomed or else ALL of this editing would not take place for no reason or no explanation when one is requested numerous times. People that cheat also lie. It's reality and an essential part of reconciling a marriage to know how to deal with it. NOBODY can reconcile a marriage when there is a 3rd part. NOBODY. People in this situation MUST know how to deal with it or else everything implodes quickly.
Either start offering explanations or back off. You are not helping yourself, the long standing members of this forum OR the new people in need of assistance. Work WITH US and not against us. The forum exists because of us, not you. It's time you start encouraging US and supporting US. You are not doing a good job when you ignore requests for further information AFTER you delete and modify. And that is NOT okay.
+1
Good call City. I had not thought of contacting above, but that is an excellent idea. And I agree, we don't need to post on here TH. At this point, I really don't expect to get anywhere with my questioning, just curious if I ever will.
You are correct. We don't have to post here. I can only speak for myself but there are a few situations posted here (not this thread, I was just offering an opinion when asked) that I care about... when people are deep in emotional abuse and anxiety/panic/depression to the point of needing medical intervention, well, sadly I can relate. And sometimes it's nice to have that bond with somebody who can REALLY relate to such personal trauma.
There is not a reason in the world we can't know WHY this is happening when we don't know WHAT rules we are breaking.
We have asked and we are ignored and given an answer that does not provide insight.
I promised myself I would post here for one year after my separation since so many people supported me. That is why I continue to post here.
I know where you are - I might join but might also just NOT and be done with all of this, lol! I have been reading "there" and it's quite good and informative and lovely.
I am sorry to have to say what I did but things don't have to be this way. Aren't we supposed to be communicating and not controlling of other people? There was no swearing, racial slurs or nastiness. He asked what we thought and I offered my opinions.
The "I don't agree but will keep it up line" really was the limit.
You are correct. We don't have to post here. I can only speak for myself but there are a few situations posted here (not this thread, I was just offering an opinion when asked) that I care about... when people are deep in emotional abuse and anxiety/panic/depression to the point of needing medical intervention, well, sadly I can relate. And sometimes it's nice to have that bond with somebody who can REALLY relate to such personal trauma.
There is not a reason in the world we can't know WHY this is happening when we don't know WHAT rules we are breaking.
We have asked and we are ignored and given an answer that does not provide insight.
Exactly. And it is people in pain like Sinclair that are suffering for it.
That is wrong on so many levels there are no words.
Sorry. I did not mean I did not care about Sinclair. Of course I do. I just meant I can relate more to some people when they have anxiety/panic and need medical intervention because I did too.
I am so sorry, Sinclair. Of course I care about your thread!
It sounds like the conversation with your W went well, and it's a step in the right direction. You are allowing her to have her own feelings while respecting your own feelings about the situation. THAT'S detachment, and it's a great place to be.