Ugh, boy do I hate court proceedings. Last one done today.
After several weeks of my wife indicating that with some heavy counseling and prayer she was reconsidering divorce she went ahead and went with it today.
Part of me griefs. Part of me celebrates the end of being yo-yoed all over creation.
For me, I need to create a safe space she cannot enter in for quite awhile, including ZERO contact until I have been able to work through things. The 3 hour phone calls of nicety nice and talk of what we'll need to do to make it work. It will certainly be tough to get where I'll be willing to trust again, but after 3 WAS episodes from her in 33 years and 13 months of this nonsense it was time for it to change one way or the other.
Yow. I've had more fun sticking myself in the eye. Time to move on and make life fun again. Can only go up from here.
What a ride you have been on. You have the right idea to protect yourself...
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I have never read your thread but sounds like you are in a good place.
Quote:
For me, I need to create a safe space she cannot enter in for quite awhile, including ZERO contact until I have been able to work through things
I know the feeling dude - I'm feel very similar. Just remember that everything is a choice and maybe in the future you will choose differently. Either way, continue to live your life the way YOU want to live it.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thx folks. I've been at this for over 3 years. It could be the very best thing to happen if I let it be.
The distance thing is just what I will need for some healing and to keep getting drawn back in emotionally. We are all on different time frames, so we each have to do what works for us.
I know very well how difficult this has been for you as we share a sitch where our W's are survivors of sexual abuse.
I am finding that it is very difficult for them to become self aware enough to see that the destruction in their own lives is directly linked to that trauma.
I believe that the choices they make are a the only way they know how to deal with or react from a place they learned a long time ago as the victim.
It is so heartbreaking to watch someone you love be in so much pain.
You have done all you can do for her now. Continue to love her as I know you will.
Try to forgive yourself for what you think you might have done differently.
And have faith that she may in her own time find peace.
God bless.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Thx! Though there has been no contact now for 2 weeks I am sure she is probably in more pain then I am. Knowing her, guilt is eating her up and depression is ruling her decision making process.
I am finding that even though I mourn the loss of our R and M, I do not miss the up and downs. It has brought a certain measure of peace though there are days that a flood of guilt comes over me in what I might have done better or how she is doing.
She has withdrawn from our kids and will take NO responsibility for our S27 who also has a mental illness. Truthfully, when a gal I saw 3 weeks ago who went through a recent D talked with me yesterday I was quite flattered she was interested.
Life will go on, and at some point I will be okay.
