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Great info, Bluestar! I knew places as you described existed and I am glad there are several in your area Mystik. This will eliminate TONS of BS and contact with your H. It will also give him a very clear picture that you are no longer fooling around when it comes to custody agreements.

From this point forward do not make ANYTHING easier for your H. The transition agency, IMO, would be such a blessing for you and your son. It will also force your H to adhere to structure.

If you look up SmileyPerson's thread (in the Divorced forum) he mentioned a website he and his wife were using (as per court orders but I think anybody can use it). There is a fee (it was minimal IIRC) but I also think such a service would greatly benefit you. Basically ANY communication you must have with your H (ONLY about your son) must be conveyed via the website. The communication is sent to the court and the attnys so NO BS is allowed and the only info shared is about parenting. I'd imagine it's sort of like a monitored message board system for spouses. He said it eliminated massive amounts of stress with his STBX W in addition to having all communication on record.

Your H think he still can push you around. Once he learns EVERYTHING he says to you will be monitored and submitted to the courts he might think twice about the way he speaks to you. I'd also consider establishing an emergency contact that your H MUST contact if something happens with your son when your H has him. Should something come up the emergency contact will contact you and communication with your H is eliminated. Once you have all that established you can block him from your text/e-mail and phone and not have to deal with him anymore. You can get your son a pre paid cell that only allows your H's number to go through and let them deal with the communication.

I understand co parenting is always best when it comes to divorce but your H is harmful to you. At this time that is not a healthy option for you. When your H starts adhering to the schedules/locations/times, pays you back the money he owes you and STOPS abusing you then perhaps a new plan can be put in place.

I know you are frightened to do all of this but think about it this way - this will FORCE your H to rely on OW for everything... emotional support, transportation, finances, child rearing and scheduling. Eventually that burden will be way too much for her to handle. That is not to say the two of you will reconcile but both your H and OW will only get a full taste of what divorce looks like until you remove yourself totally. And really, you are just doing what he dictated and demanded you do.

Just be sure you get that money he owes you!

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I provided the link but it's now gone. That's too bad because it tracked custody, shared expenses for the children and calenders for parents. Nothing more, nothing less.

I'd imagine it was also removed from SmileyPerson's thread as well.

Oh in case you wondering...

I love my FAMILY. Is Harry Potter a WIZARD?

Sometimes important stuff is in caps especially when it protects one from further abuse.

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Hi Mystik!

Wow! I am amazed at what has transpired in your thread the last week while my internet was down! You go girl!

Lots of good insight and advice...


M48 H53
M16 T18
S16 D13
SS30
H drops bomb PA/8-30-09
H leaves 12-30-09
D filed by H 2-10
H asks to come home 4-11
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Mystik, just a suggestion: add your thread to your email watch list. Also, check your PM too.


Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6
Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks
Aug 2006, left again
Apr 2007, filed for divorce
Dec 2007, reunited
Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
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CG ~ Wow, lots of information to mull over and digest. I have an attorney that would cost me about $3,000 and my dad said that was too expensive for him to cosign a loan on. So the other lawyer I spoke to starts at $500 and it's pay as you go from there, so who knows what it would be at the end. I will definitely be petitioning for H to pay my attorney fees.

bluestar ~ Thanks for the information about how those types of exchanges work. Definitely something to look into and ask the lawyer about.

CW ~ Yes, lots of good stuff posted over the past few days. Glad you're back. smile

Romeo ~ Got it, thank you.


New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
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Mystik - get in touch with Romeo if you want to find me on FB!

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Will do, CG.


New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
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Nothing much exciting going on here. Still struggling with radical acceptance, and with separating acceptance and letting go from approval and losing hope. Doing one does not mean I am also doing the other. My logical mind is on that page, just need to get my emotional mind on that page. I think it's on the wrong book right now.

Still no closer to a decision about whether or not to file. My therapist said to focus on me right now and family court stuff, and not worry about filing. Still waiting for the papers to arrive from family court. Starting to get nervous that we won't get a court date until January and Whore will be picking up DS by the time we get to court.

Therapy is going well, learning a lot of coping techniques to help me with day to day stuff. I'm still working on starting to build self-esteem and being more "me, me, me", it's not easy to reverse a lifetime of bad behavior. In some ways I feel that I don't need the therapy, I've been in a stable mood for three weeks now, but I also know that I still have a long ways to go. This stable mood could change at any time, there are so many things that could trigger it. Just in a weird place right now.

Dreamt about H last night, he was driving me to pick up DS and was having car problems. Currently my car is having problems that I'm stressed about, so I know that's why that was in my dream. I have now realized that a big contributor, if not the main contributor, to our marriage breaking down was my depression. Neither H nor I understood it or knew how to handle it so we just limped along until we fell apart. I feel that if I could explain my depression to him, tell him that I'm doing better, that I can be a better wife that he should give us a second chance. Or even just explain to him what I'm going through, have gone through, how the depression affected my behavior and thoughts that he wouldn't be so harsh in his words and actions. But I know that it won't work. He is in the alien zone right now, nothing I say to him will make a difference.

Still praying for strength and guidance. Can't get through this situation without His help.


New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
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You're doing a good job. And you're right, Mystik, talking to him about your changes will not have a positive effect.

You should definitely be proud of yourself.


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CityGirl--

You may have overstretched the definition of abuse. And that wouldn't be the right focus, nor is encouraging Mystik to divorce her husband. It isn't what she wants, and it isn't what we do here at divorcebusting.com. We work to SAVE marriages, and help people get and give more love in their relationships. If they don't work out, then we support them emotionally, help detect solutions for moving on with their lives.

I understand your experiences make you feel strongly about her situation, you may feel you have so many similarities, but no two relationships are the same. You only live in your own situation. We only see one side of her relationship.

We need to support Mystik in her goal even if we think her H is a jerk.

Last edited by dbmod; 12/02/10 03:22 AM.

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