It's true... It starts as a good friendship, and that's all. (at least from a woman's point of view). There is something these relationships give us that we're not getting at home...more than just the sex we're not having. it's that connection that is powerful and, yes for a woman... That's what leads us to wanting to make it more.
Even though I don't beg H for sex, not having it in our relationship for so many years depressed me... Made me stop caring about a lot of things. The Emotional Affair builds you up, makes you feel alive again... For the OM.
You may want to think about why I recommend saying this to your wife:
"Wife, I have been thinking and have decided that I am OK with you going to the art show and film."
Wait and watch and listen to her response.
Then say
"I have decided that it would be a fun time and I have booked us a room."
Then really, really, really watch her and see if her facial expressions, body language changes. You will then know the truth.
A couple year ago on here the WAW was having the A with the next door neighbor and the two couples went on vacation together. It was painful to watch.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Their growing friendship which has never been hidden from me - all done out in the open as it were has been mainly conducted through emails
Out in the open as in she has informed you they are emailing, or out in the open as in you have read the emails?
Now they want to meet up out of town to see a film, stay overnight and then go to an art exhibition (both probably not my kind of thing) His wife knows nothing of these meetings past and planned.
If it is all so innocent, why does his wife know nothing about their relationship?
I have expressed my discomfort at this escalation but my wife is angry at `not being trusted' . How far does trust reach.
It is foolhardy to trust when when your spouse fails to put appropriate boundaries around friendships with the opposite sex.
Its not that I think they plan adultry - but my fear is that the appropriate boundaries, crossed before albeit long ago, could slip.
I think your W has already slipped in to an emotional affair. Even if she never became physically involved with him, an emotional affair still harms your marriage.
I am looking for someone less emotionally involved than I to take a more objective look at the scenario that I find myself in and consider whether my anxiety is paranoia
You are not being paranoid.
Should give my wife space to enrich her life by the mutual enjoyment of things that I cannot share with her in quite the same way as another,
Sure - with girlfriends or the occasional in town afternoon at the gallery with a male friend.
Did she invite you to come along?
or if doing so constitutes serious risk of passively `allowing' her to wander into territory where there is real danger of an affair.
Oh yes. Red Alert.
Nip it in the bud, and work on cultivating a better mental/emotional connection with your wife.
Then a calm, firm, confident statement containing at lease these points:
1) If you choose to go with OM. I am done being married to you.
2) I will pack up your stuff and you can live someplace elses.
"He is only a friend. I have know him longer than I have known you. He is going through problems. And you are telling me I cant talk to him? You are a piece of carp.
Where were you when I needed you. SEX SEX SEX that is all you wanted. If you can't do it 5 times a day, I'm not good?
I had your child. I cook your dinner. I clean your house. I wash your stinking underwear. Now you are telling me who I can and cannot talk to?
Get a effing life.
You have no idea what you are talking about. Your head has been up your a$$ for the past 16 years. You move out."
Then a calm, firm, confident statement containing at lease these points:
1) If you choose to go with OM. I am done being married to you.
2) I will pack up your stuff and you can live someplace elses.
"He is only a friend. I have know him longer than I have known you. He is going through problems. And you are telling me I cant talk to him? You are a piece of carp.
Where were you when I needed you. SEX SEX SEX that is all you wanted. If you can't do it 5 times a day, I'm not good?
I had your child. I cook your dinner. I clean your house. I wash your stinking underwear. Now you are telling me who I can and cannot talk to?
Get a effing life.
You have no idea what you are talking about. Your head has been up your a$$ for the past 16 years. You move out."
"Wow. I'm sorry you feel that way. Then a calm, firm, confident statement containing at lease these points:
1) If you choose to go with OM. I am done being married to you.
2) I will pack up your stuff and you can live someplace elses.
