Because i believe even though what she was doing was wrong, she really was just friends with him, if she is truly happy with me there will only be friendships with other people.
Then you are in denial. I believe you want to "think" this....but deep down you know better. It's fear that has you by the b@lls and until you get to the place that you can face your fear of losing her, then we can't really help you. I'm not being ugly, I'm just stating facts.
I was a WAW in an EA. It is very, very serious. Any man who tries to talk himself into believing it's just a friendship--is a man whose W is going to wipe poop all over him.
So, come to grips with yourself. You will not fall over dead if this comes to a D. Which is better, to be a doormat she doesn't respect, or a man who establishes respect with himself, his children, and community?
Listen to my words here, a woman cannot be in love with a man she doesn't respect. That is how she is wired! You must have her respect FIRST. You won't have her respect until you respect yourself, so that is where you need to start.
About the children.....remember you are being a role model. I can't believe you would ask your D if she wanted to know what her mother had been doing! You did that out of anger but it was a low thing to do just to try and hurt your W. Do you want your D to marry a man like you? Do you want your D to be a woman like your W? You are showing her what a M looks like. Your children need to see a father who leads his family in high moral conduct. They need to see a father who is confident and who will protect them. I'm sure they must be scared right now. They need your support and comfort b/c they don't understand why their parents have gone crazy. They have to have a dad who is strong for them.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have an appointment with a lawyer today, my wife knows this and asked her if she wanted to commit to the marriage and be transparent, she said other than her passwords on everything she has been transparent, i told her i will not live that way. I asked her if divorce is what she wanted and she said I told you what i want and that is a seperation. I told her i am not seperating.
I am still torn up all to hell, she is willing to end a marriage and and seperate children from there parents over messenger accounts, Facebook and a cell phone.
How can that be a helathy marriage by her having those restrictions?
A quote I remember goes something like this: Privacy is what you want when you go to the bathroom, not in your marriage relationship. Secrets are what rip a marriage apart, even if it nothing major. It fosters distrust, no respect, and resentment grows.
An EA is VERY SERIOUS! Emotional attachment is THE MOST IMPORTANT COMPONENT in a relationship for women. Yes, we (well, some of us) enjoy sex a lot, but the emotional connection trumps even that.
There is no such thing as being "just friends" with any OM.
DB, guys and girls think very differently. A guy would typically be devastated if his W had a PA, and is usually not as concerned by an EA. However, the EA is much more dangerous to the M. Men need sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to have sex.
Kimmie Lee nailed it. The EA can be a death blow to a marriage. You are doing the right thing DB.
Stay strong and work on yourself. Your emotions are all over the place I am sure. Keep thinking positive thoughts and your emotions will get there. Remember how you were before you met her, you were fine and you will be again.
I called the phone company and there was only on day that she texted him in the month of October, i checked calls also and there were no calls to him, it may now be someone else or not.
She is still insistent that cell, email, FB that she will not be transparent but in the same time admits that is not good for a marrige to be open with each other. I go to the lawyer in three hours.
