Do you feel that a few of the veterans on this site (myself included definitely) push advice down your throats?
Do you feel bullied by myself or other veterans?
Do you have issues with my style of advice or other veterans on this site? If you just want to focus on me if that makes answering this question easier so be it, no worries.
But please speak up!
These forums are anonymous, I'm not going to hunt you down and give you a beating if you tell me you don't like my advice style or feel like you're being bullied to take advice that you don't agree with.
For the record, I doubt that puppy would have done that either back in the day when he frequented these forums on a daily basis. I sure as heck know that coach wouldn't do that to anyone, or Gucci or Steve or Sandi or Greek or any of the other countless vets that comment on these forums.
If you don't feel offended by our style of advice, Do you like our style of advice? If so, why?
I would love to hear all viewpoints/opinions on this.
Do you feel that a few of the veterans on this site (myself included definitely) push advice down your throats?
Do you feel bullied by myself or other veterans?
Do you have issues with my style of advice or other veterans on this site? If you just want to focus on me if that makes answering this question easier so be it, no worries
I a word - NO.
IMO, most of the things those of us who are struggling with our sitches need to hear are things we don't want to hear. I know that was definitely true for me early on.
Now, I find myself struggling, a year later, with implementing the wise advice I have been given over and over again. It is all on me, now. I have never felt bullied or intimidated. Yeah, there were times that I thought, "This guy is an a$$, he or she doesn't understand my sitch, it's different." As we all realize at one point, our stich's do have individual characteristics, but at their core, they aren't all so different.
Some use a "tough love" approach, some use sarcasm, etc. It's all good. Most vets should give up when it's clear to see we aren't following their advice. They must feel as if they are beating a dead horse. But they don't. They keep trying to get us to understand. Those who do get offended need to get a thicker skin.
This is the most difficult thing that most of us have faced. It's no fun and it's not easy. We don't need to be told what we want to hear, that wouldn't help anyone. There is a place for support and I find myself leaning that way with my posts. The vets have a special role because they have been there and come through on the other side better people. Marriages saved or not, if the vets weren't here, we would all just be crying on each other's shoulders. As I said, there's a need for that, too.
But, to learn and grow and be successful DBr's, the vets cannot be replaced.
I would like to say thanks for sticking with me and hammering me over the head and trying to make me see why things work and why they don't. We all have different, what?, speeds at understanding and implementing advice given. Most of the vets recognize this and try to be patient. This board has been a lifesaver for me and I am still learning from everyone. We all need to take the advice as intended. Everyone is trying to help. Period.
I'm honored to reply to you, Rob. Your posts have given me more personal encouragement, wisdom and strength than you'll probably ever know.
When I first got here, I HATED some of the "tough stuff" the vets back then told me. Corri, NOPkins, Hairdog, and some of the others make you and Coach look like a lovable little puppy dog by comparison, and there were times I hated them for it.
But looking back -- and reading what they wrote to me -- I now see that 95% of it was TRUE, and I needed to hear it. And it was only thru their patient exhortation to me that I finally DID listen, and reach out to my wife in her pain and reconcile my marriage.
So no, I never felt "bullied." "Beat up" a little bit, yeah, but I needed it.
Thank you, btw, for your personal story and how you've encouraged me. I don't think I've ever told you that.
Chocolateeyes/Puppy Dog Tails _________________________
and reach out to my wife in her pain and reconcile my marriage
I am struggling with this right now. How can I reach out without pursuing?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I don't feel bullied. Tough love and getting smacked with reality works.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
and reach out to my wife in her pain and reconcile my marriage
I am struggling with this right now. How can I reach out without pursuing?
By leading.
Go back and read everything you can get your hands on by Coach, starting with his responses to you on your own threads. He's the poster child for "reaching out without pursuing," in my book.
Hope4Us is another good one to check out. That man had the patience of Job, successful put his marriage back together stronger than ever, and learned to overcome his wife's infidelity and heal his marriage.
