And robx, I'm not pursueing, I did leave her go. I think that's why she's angry, because I'm not doing anything. But like I said I'm not going to be the one to start the paperwork.
Have you absolutely beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no OM?? It seems like 99% of the cases have OP, and the LBS always says there is no other person.
Either was letting go is key, but with OM, it may take a different tact, or change your position.
Following what the others have been asking - what specifically did she say were the problems. Can you give scenarios, etc.?
What are your stats? Years M, ages, etc. It would help to figure a few things out.
Also, about you W saying she wants another man, that goes beyond just basic "problems" in a M. Is she actively looking for someone?
I echo what the others have been saying about you letting go, but in the times that you do interact, how do you act in front of her? You can't "force" another person to love you, but your attractiveness is going to come from how assertive and confident you are when you do see her.
Have you stated any boundaries with her?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Basically she said when she reached out for me emotionally years ago I wasn't there. I'm 49, W 44, M 26 I didn't say she was looking for another M. What type of boundaries do you set when she has already stated she wants out of the M ?
She wanted more affection, to be told what she meant to me, to feel like she was the most important part of my life. Then through the years she hardened and broke that emotional connection. I know now how she felt, I've been trying to get that from her for about 5-6 yrs.
My sitch hasn't changed any. We are just doing our own thing and not saying much to each other.I don't initiate conversation. Is the thought of being alone what bothers the most of you who are going through this? I know that shows being codependant, but I also believe life is better when shared with someone who cares about you.
I'm back. Nothing good to report. We've discussed how to split assets. I've started looking for a house. W has paid a retainer to a lawyer (about a month ago). Some times she talks to me, other times she pretty much ignores me. Right now if I haven't talked to her for a while she seeks me out to say something. Some days are tough, others I feel I'm ready to move on. I'm trying to keep in mind that the Lord has something better for me and wants me to leave go. At this point it's in his hands. Thanks for all the help, I see now alot of mistakes I made. I'll keep you posted as to D-day.
Wow it's been quite some time since I was here. W and I have been getting along well as friends or roomates. My attempts at buying a house didn't work out. About two weeks ago W said lets go to the beach for the weekend, it will give us a chance to talk. There is good and bad. The good, she wants to try to work on our marriage. The bad, her talks were all negative things from the past, nothing positive about how she wants it to work because of the good in me. I see alot of negative attitude in her about alot of things in life. Depression runs in her family. I know she sees it in her mother and sister. I did tell her that we will have to take steps to get past our problems and suggested MC. She didn't want to sit in front of a stranger and tell them personel problems and cry her eyes out in front of them. But I said we have to take action some how because I wasn't going to live like this anymore. So now what? The trip was just this weekend, but I don't want time to just drag out without trying to work out a solution.
I could use some help, my foot is in the door but I don't know how to open it further without her help.
Can anybody help. I would appreciate it. Seems like my choices are: ride it out and see if she truly makes an effort at which I could be right back in "limbo land" or insist on counseling and lay out boundries and such.
